Week 13 and so much pain (Long)

I'm really trying here. I don't want to panic. I'm trying to give it due time to heal and feel normal again. I keep telling myself it will get better. Every time I check in here I find a reason to dismiss the pain. Oh, it's okay to feel like this until 8 weeks. I pass 8 weeks, still in pain. Oh, this lady still feels bad at 12 weeks, it must be okay and I'll wait until then. I pass 12 weeks and the pain is getting worse. Oh, wait this lady posted it can take 12-14 weeks. So now I've found another reason to wait it out. I'm sitting here crying right now because it hurts so much, but I'll tell myself to wait it out until next week -- at which point I'll find another post to talk myself out of making that call to the doctor.

I know it's getting worse. I don't know what it could be, at least this soon, but what I fear the most is that it is nothing. That's what keeps me from making the call. What if it's nothing? It seems awful to hope that there is a justifiable reason for being in this much pain, but I would simple feel better knowing that I'm not just a hypochondriac.

I know my husband thinks I'm normal and recovered now, that's what I've let him believe. How can I possibly tell him that after 2 gynecologic surgeries in less than a year, I'm still not normal, still in pain, and still saddened by it. He wonders why I never went back to work. He doesn't know that in my mind I grapple daily with whether or not I can go back to work. In the back of my mind, I wonder whether I'll start back only to have to stop again because I'm so miserable. I don't tell him that I am taking Aleve or Advil almost constantly now or that sometimes I take pain killers left over from all the surgeries to get through the day or night.

I'm not a big believer in "signs", religious or otherwise. I have to wonder whether I was receiving a message though yesterday when I was nearly run over by my doctor in the church parking lot (okay, not literally, I was actually standing by my car getting ready to cross the parking lot when he drove by and waved). Although he sponsors and advertises in just about every Catholic church bulletin in the county, I have never, ever, seen the man at church in the 11 months I've been seeing him. Never! Believe me, I've looked for him because I know his kids went to the religious ed classes at this parish. Yet, there he was in his big old Escalade waving at me yesterday. I don't know if I was more shocked to see him or embarrassed that he actually recognized me (which tells me I saw him too much last year if he can remember me).

Well, thanks for letting me unburden myself. I've kept it all tucked away and I just needed to get it out.

I'm so sorry your feeling so much pain and hope you feel better soon. I think you should call your doc make an appointment and get in to see him also ask to talk to his nurse on phone before appt. and tell them what's going on they might have some advice for you.. You shouldn't have to go through pain like that. I hope you feel better try and get some rest hun. hugs

Definately make a call to your doctor. Even if it turns out to be "nothing", it is a good idea to be seen again. I was feeling that there was just something "wrong" with the pain I was feeling at 7 weeks and made the call. Turns out I have rather large ovarian cysts. Not dangerous, we believe, but very painful all the same.

Trust your own knowledge of your body! No one knows it better than you do!

Good luck and let us know what the doc says.

dee37: Thanks so much for your response and kind words. It really meant a lot to me that you answered. I was really feeling down and it helped to know that someone cared. Bless your heart!

jskell911: Thank you for your response as well. You are absolutely right in that I should call the doctor. I noticed you were not too far behind me, so I guess I can no longer deny that a cyst could happen that soon. Seven weeks was right about the time when I first noticed the pain, but it's getting much worse and somehow despite all my attempts to deny it, it probably isn't normal postop pains anymore. It's just so hard to make that call because I feel like this has become an endless cycle -- countless appointments, surgery, 2 months later back again. I just don't think I could face a third surgery in 9 months, and that's probably part of the reason I also can't make the call. But, you are right. It's probably better to just get over the embarrassment of returning yet again and find out what if anything is going on. I'm so sorry that you developed large cysts so soon. I'm sorry they are so painful, but I'm glad that your doctor has determined they are not dangerous. Are you monitoring the cysts or will you have surgery? I really hope that whatever you try helps. Thanks for sharing your experience and for the encouragement. I appreciate it!

By all means - call your doctor and, if necessary - get a 2nd opinion. You need peace of mind and you need to know what is going on. I was in at 2 weeks, 6 weeks, then 8 weeks needed a sonogram to check out a clot, which was reabsorbed into my system. I was also back in at 10 weeks for a recheck. Oh yeah - then just in case I was missed - I was back in at about 4 months because I started spotting (which he treated with silver nitrate and it stopped). I was beginning to wonder whatelse would go wrong. But nothing has!

I think you also need to talk to your husband - he needs to know you are struggling - physically and emotionally. To me, the longer you put it off - the harder it will be.

Please let us know what your Dr says and please, talk to your DH.

and

	Quote:
Originally Posted by CAmich dee37: jskell911: Thank you for your response as well. You are absolutely right in that I should call the doctor. I noticed you were not too far behind me, so I guess I can no longer deny that a cyst could happen that soon. Seven weeks was right about the time when I first noticed the pain, but it's getting much worse and somehow despite all my attempts to deny it, it probably isn't normal postop pains anymore. It's just so hard to make that call because I feel like this has become an endless cycle -- countless appointments, surgery, 2 months later back again. I just don't think I could face a third surgery in 9 months, and that's probably part of the reason I also can't make the call. But, you are right. It's probably better to just get over the embarrassment of returning yet again and find out what if anything is going on. I'm so sorry that you developed large cysts so soon. I'm sorry they are so painful, but I'm glad that your doctor has determined they are not dangerous. Are you monitoring the cysts or will you have surgery? I really hope that whatever you try helps. Thanks for sharing your experience and for the encouragement. I appreciate it!

I am glad that what I had to say has encouraged you to go to the doctor!! I understand EXACTLY what you are saying. I have been to the doctor 5 times since my surgery. Uggghhh. Right now we are monitoring the cysts. I have an ultrasound on 3/3 and we will go from there. But I suspect another surgery is in order (4th in 2 years). Also losing this ovary will mean menopause at 35 and I am not looking forward to that. But it is better than continuing to live in pain.

Good luck and I hope you get good care!

CAmich...I remember you from the post op board for those who had their hysterectomy sometime in Nov..can't recall the exact dates. I feel so badly that you are having so much pain. I am not having the greatest time either....doctor told me I have a rectocele. The pain and pressure in my vagina has been horrible and I can't walk or sit for very long.... I've been to emerg twice since the operation, to the doctor four times and will go again in a month or so. I had an ultrasound and it showed a cyst on my right ovary...have to go back in March for another to check it out. I still have granulation tissue as well and a discharge...have a yeast infection...that was treated with one pill which I think is great..no more vaginal suppositories...yeccchh. To top it al off..sex hurts!
so don't worry about how many times you've gone..it sounds to me like you have a definate problem...you know your body so listen to it and get it checked out. I'd love to hear how you make out so please let us know here or message me. Sending you some hugs and healing! Jo

Aww hon call your doc! Its what he's there for! I am 14w out and STILL have pain. There is no way that its nothing, if theres still pain, its SOMETHING. And that has to be right otherwise I will go crazy. The pain I have has been REALLY hard to diagnose. My gyn cant seem to figure it out but thankfully hasnt given up on me! I had a lap. done Feb of 07, then my hyst Oct of 07 and now I am gearing up for ANOTHER lap this month. Thats THREE gyn surgeries in a year. And I was hospitalized twice after my hyst. I feel your pain, I really REALLY do.

This whole journey is so frustrating, I cant tell you how many times a day I have to take a break from what I'm doing and catch my breath because the pain just takes my breath away. I refuse to give up this fight, I hope you dont give up either. If you ever need anyone to talk to feel free to message me. Your doctor will be more upset to hear you are living in constant pain than to have you call him. My own doc told me just the other day to call if the pain got worse, and I said 'Well then I'd be calling you every day!" he laughed and said he'll expect my call tomorrow.

HUGS to you and hang in there!!!!

kftsnana: Thanks for telling me about your experience. I wish I had some of your courage and could make that call. Clearly, you did the right thing by taking the initiative to be seen. You are right, I do need to talk to DH. I just don't know how to tell him after 2 surgeries and $4200 (so far--and that's after insurance), I'm still not feeling right. It's not that he would be angry, I just think that it would upset him because I think he had higher expectations than I did of this finally being the cure to what ails me. He just wants to believe it is all better and I finally feel great.

jmary: I'm sorry you are having problems also. It definitely sounds like things haven't quite gone the way you planned either. You really have been through quite a bit haven't you? I'm sending a hug right back to you and hope that you'll find healing also. Thanks for taking the time to respond.

Rwey: You are absolutely right, my doctor would probably prefer that I let him know what is going on. He is actually a very kind, compassionate physician and I trust him completely. It's really all in my own mind. I've been seeing him for less than a year, and it seems like in that time all we've dealt with is problems. I guess I would feel more comfortable if just once I could have seen him for something happy like a pregnancy or even just a plain old annual exam. It seems like its just an endless cycle of pain, here's the cause, options, surgery, well that didn't work, pain... I just wish I could go in there just once when life is good, you know what I mean? It sounds like you have really dealt with a lot in the past year, and what a blessing to have such a caring physician that wants to find the cause of the pain and help you. I'm sorry you are facing a third surgery in a year, and I hope I am as brave and encouraged as you are if that happens for me. You have been through quite a journey, but you haven't lost your hope and willingness to fight and that is such a wonderful example for people like me. I hope that this lap will bring you some answers and give you a happy ending to your journey. Thanks for your encouragment.

Hugs to everyone who has responded and provided encouragment. I don't know what I would do without all of you! Thanks.

Hi Everyone,

Thought I'd update you since it's 4 months now. I did talk to my hubby. He, of course, wanted to know why I hadn't called the doctor. Let's see-- because I feel like being stupid and stubborn and I would prefer to believe this is all going to go away.

Long story short, I did finally call the doctor and make an appointment. He listened and when I said it was probably all normal recovery, he just said why don't you let me find out, not "you're crazy" or "impossible" or any of the things I imagined. He isn't the type to have said those things anyway, but in my own mind, I was doubting I could be feeling this way. He did an exam and gave me explanations of what could be causing the pain. I went for an ultrasound and just found out that I have 4 ovarian cysts. I guess that's why I've been in such pain.

Thanks to everyone who responded and encouraged me to call my doctor. You all were right and I was an idiot for waiting so long. I'm sending you all hugs and my thanks for giving me the support I needed to get in there and get answers. Take care everyone!