Really thoughtless people

Well, it happened this week. At school a friend asked if I would golf on Ladies team play this summer with them, and I told her I was having surgery at the end of June and would not be back to golfing for a couple of months.

Another teacher overheard and when she heard it was a hysterectomy, she said, and I quote,
" My sister-in-law had one when she was 51 and she died from a blood clot". (I am almost 55).

I sort of looked at her in stunned, hang your mouth open silence.

Then she said, "She was at the hospital you are going to" (It is one of the 100 best hospitals in the country according to some surveys). And it is associated with a university, so there are lots of experts running around.

Then she said, "But that probably won't happen to you."(ok, I feel better now-sarcasm)

I really didn't say anything, I was so dumbfounded that someone would say something like that to a person facing this, who has to do this. I mean, I know the doctors have to tell you all the possible risks, and you have to make educated decisions, but that was really too much.

Anybody got any good zingers back for someone like that?

Even afterwards, I can't think of anything that I could have said.

people have no common sense! The last person at work who said something stupid I came back with in a sarcastic voice "and I thank you so much for you support" and I walked off. She came and appologized later.
((hug)) to you fellow June 22nd sister.

WOW! I cannot believe that! How absolutely cold and inconsiderate. Some people are like that though. My husband told the people he works with that he would need the days off to be with me at the hospital and a lady at his work told him he shouldnt be able to take the days off because its not HIS surgery. He got the time off approved so Im not worried about it. What I thought was interesting was instead of sayig, Oh Im sorry to hear your wife has to have that surgery, she was so rude and it wasnt even her place to decide whether he should ahve the time off. Who knows why or how people can be so rude. So many things go through your mind when your facing this or any kind of surgery the last thing you need is someone to say something like that. I guess its alot easier to think of all the thngs you wished you couldve replied back with, now in hindsight. But something as simple as, "Oh Im sorry to hear that happened to your friend but I intend to be around a very very long time thanks!" Makes you wonder if someone like that even thinks later on, Wow I cant believe I said that to her......who knows. I think having THIS WEB SITE definately helps put my concerns at ease. I hardly use the computer and now that I foudn this site Im hear alot. In fact the kids are saying MOM when is it OUR turn to get ont he computer again! Best wishes to you and just smile and hold your head high above those that are rude. And smile with all those that are nice!

Sometimes people that ignorant don't deserve the breath we'd waste for a reply......however, I would find it hard to not be sarcastic and say something like "Thanks SO much for your morale boosting and support!" And then I'd turn my back and walk away.

Sorry to hear that you had to deal with an idiot -- but there's lots of them running around unfortunately! Like that comedian (whose name eludes me now!) Bill E (something) always says: "Just give them a STUPID sign to wear on their foreheads -that will warn the rest of us to not waste our time with them"!

catnut - his name is Bill Engvall (Here's your sign). If you want a tear wiping laughter good time, rent Blue Collar Comedy Tour . Jeff Foxworthy, Bill Engvall, Ron White and Larry the Cable Guy. You will crack up, I promise!

Thank you! Yes, Bill Engvall! I love him! Have been a huge fan of his for years. Just can never remember his last name! Thanks for the reminder.

We just saw the 4 guys you mentioned on HBO (I think) recently - thought we were gonna just go into fits we laughed so hard. The neighbors must have thought we'd taken really good drugs or something! We were really howling (and yes, tear wiping too!) I think "fits" of laughter like that are really healing too.....

Am glad to know it's on tape too - that's worth watching again - or even owning! I appreciate you telling me about it!

I am so sorry that you were subjected to such a horrendous comment. Sometimes I just don't know if people are really that clueless or if it's just nothing more than meanness. Maybe that's why I've been fairly conservative in who I tell about my surgery. There just seems to be so much negativity surrounding it. I don't want to have to deal with other peoples opinions (for lack of a better word) regarding my body and my life.

Thank goodness we have this wonderful site and these beautiful sisters to come to. Right? Right!! I hope you don't have to endure any other rude or unsolicited comments from anyone else!

Hi PraireLakeLady,

Some poeple are just negative all the time and may be to stupid to know it. I probibly would have said " Who was her DR?, Just in case! Or " That's one way to get out of paying the bill", Just to see her reaction. Don't let one bad apple ruin your outlook. You have alot of support and sisters thinking about you.

I know what you mean. I have a co-woker who had a hysterectomy last year, and when I told her I would be out until July, she said, "Why so long?" I told her that is what my Dr. told me. She said, "Well my doctor said six weeks too, but that was just an estimate." I shouldn't have to justify anything to her or anyone else. She may have had a less invasive procedure, or less complications than I have had. The point is, now I feel like they're going to be out on their break talking aout how I am taking too much time off when it is none of their business. It's amazing how insensitive people can be. Let me tell you, if theygive me six weeks, I am taking it, baby!!!!

	Quote:
We just saw the 4 guys you mentioned on HBO (I think) recently - thought we were gonna just go into fits we laughed so hard. The neighbors must have thought we'd taken really good drugs or something! We were really howling (and yes, tear wiping too!) I think "fits" of laughter like that are really healing too.....

So in other words, don't rent it in the first 6 weeks, huh? I remember having kidney surgery - at that time, they cut you halfway around your waist. My BF came to see me, and he was always a cut-up - I had to chase him out b/c he didn't stop making me laugh, and it HURT!

As for stupid, insensitive people. The first time my brother said "Just get rid of it all - you're not using it anyway." or something like that, I ignored it. The second time, I seethed. The third time I headed him off before he could say anything and complained about the stupid insensitive people who said things like that. I think he got the message. He's normally a very caring guy, but I don't know what's gotten into him. I'm thinking of writing him a long letter. I wonder how he would have felt if, when his wife had breast cancer, I would have said "Just cut it off, she's not using it anyway!" (She did have her breast taken off not b/c of the size or aggressiveness of the tumor, but the Hx in her family).

Harumph!
Esme