I'm scared and want to chicken out! Beware..LONG!!

Hi sisters!

I am hoping that someone here can relate. My surgery is 1 week from today and I am terrified! There are many reasons and pros and cons. Can someone please tell me what to do?!?!!

Cons:

1) It scares the hell out of me to think that I will never be able to have another baby. I have one son who is 14 from my first marriage. My husband has a 24 yr old daughter from his first marriage. She and I have never been close due to jealousy one one or both parts ( I know I have some blame to share). But I have always wanted a daughter of my own. But hubby says he doesn't want to be 60+ when his child graduates high school but will do whatever I want him to do. He is 43 and I am 34. And I KNOW that we don't NEED another baby but it scares me to think I CAN'T! I'm afraid I will really regret it one day. And maybe sooner than later if I go ahead with this.

2) I am afraid that I will gain weight, lose my still half-way nice figure due to change or lack of hormones.

3) I'm very afraid of my sex life never being the same again. I have been paying close attention to my body during orgasm and I really believe that the uterus plays a major role in that pleasure. It feels like to me, that the contractions are what make them intense. Ladies? Do any of you w/o your uterus still have intense orgasms? Are there no contractions?

4) I'm afraid that psychologically I will feel less desirable and less like a woman.

5) I am scared that if I wuss out of this that everyone at my work ( you have NO idea how evil these ppl are) will make hateful jabs at me for NOT having the guts to do it.

6) I have spent SO much money trying to get everything I'll need together that I am ashamed to chicken out.

7) I have no vacation or sick time left for a whole year!!

8) The PAIN!!!! Having to get through it! And not being able to exercise for a long time. Especially since I just found out that my cholesterol is high again! I was on medicine, made a b/control blunder and had to get off all meds until I knew for sure that I hadn't gotten pregnant. Then dr took me off cholesterol meds for a while to see how I did. Now it's back up, higher than ever. Even with dieting for 2 yrs! (I have cheated from time to time but overall lowfat, low cholesterol for 2 yrs!) So I really NEED to be able to exercise!

Pros:

1) No more periods! That sounds wonderful! Especially if I don't have to deal w/PMS anymore!

2) No more birth control pills. I blame them for my lack of sexual desire. But then I hear that some women have trouble w/lack of desire AFTER hysterectomy too. Due to lack of estrogen. I am keeping my ovaries so is it the uterus that delivers the estrogen to the vagina? And it scares me to think about the thinning walls of the vagina which makes sex painful. Hell, sex is painful with fibroids too. Is there no winning?

3) I get to be off from a very stressful job for 6-8 weeks. I know, that shouldn't even be a consideration, but it IS a motivator! And I desperately need a mental health break!

4) Once I have this behind me, I don't have to worry about uterine cancer, cervical cancer, any of the conditions of those parts ie..adenomyosis, endometriosis. And hopefully my energy and sex drive will be back to normal.


I know, my cons list FAR outweighs the pros. But the pros carry some pretty heavy weight of their own. I'm sure I could go on and on, but you girls only have so many hours in the day! Can someone please give me some advice? I am soooo scared of messing this one up! And I only get one chance at this. I have to make the right decision! Say a prayer for me girls. That I will be able to make the right one for me and my family. Thank you so much for listening. I know if ANYONE would understand, it's the hyster sisters!

hugs!!

Kim

It sounds like a lot of things are running through your mind right now. I really feel for you. I am 33 and have made the choice to have a hyst as well. I'm terrified of sugery, never had one, don't know what it feels like to be put under, that is my greatest fear. Let's face it I'm a control freak. Dh suggests I tell my anesth. tec. this before he/she administers the meds. so it will be a suprise and I want lie there expecting it. As far as having more kids, I'm done, period. Since everytime I have started to do something with my life career wise I have wound up pregnant, that is the least of my worries. My DH and I have been married 15 yr. and parents the whole time. I don't know what it's like to just be a couple, to only consider ourselves. Right now it's hard to have intimate time with a huge belly and bladder pressure from heck! I have talked to my doc. about the sexual side effects. She said not to worry, I'm keeping ovaries, they produce the hormones we need to be US! Our g-spots, or orgasm makers are not in our uterus. Sexual desire is also a state of mind, when I'm relaxed and have a clear mind pleasure can be reached. I will recover from the pain of sugery and adeno. and will have my life back, and finally relax even more knowing no more periods, no more other stuff floating around in my head. Feel free to indulge myself!

Hi Kim!

I felt everything that you are feeling right now, before my surgery. I could think of a million reasons why I shouldnt have it. I am 32 and thought I was finished with my family until it came time to have surgery.. then I began reconsidering.

All I can say is what you feel is normal. I understand completely! Now that I am 4wks post op.. I am so glad I didnt chicken out. I feel better than I have in years! I can resume my role as wife and mom now.. the way I should have been doing it all along if it hadnt been for the awful pain I was in.

Personally.. I didnt gain weight, the pain was tolerable - much much less than what I suffered with my cycles. I didnt realize how bad I really felt.. until it was over and I felt good.

As far as sex... well the Big O is still there! And guess what.. it doesnt hurt like it used to! I havent been released yet for sex.. but Im sure it will be just as great. DH and I are both anxious

I dont feel like less of a woman. I dont feel any different in that aspect. I really dont feel like I am missing anything.. even though I know it was removed! I just have no pain to tell me that its gone now.

Hope this helps!

((((((Kim))))))))))),

I am glad you did a pro and con list. It is not the # of things you have in each list , it is their importance to your quality of life.

Being afraid to not have a hyst because of what others will say ,should not even be considered.

Once you have a hyst , that is it forever, there is no turning back the clock. So you must not have doubts about it, if you do have surgery. Whether you just have cold feet, I don't know. But if you have any real doubts ,perhaps you better find what is in your best interest.

Try to get someplace quiet and alone and really listen to your heart , mind , and body. The answer may come to you.

Even if you decide against having the surgery at this time , we will not criticise you. This is a personal decision.

Best wishes no matter your decision,

Pamcat

Being scared is so normal. Your cons may outweigh your pros but it seems as if the reason for this is because of pain. Think of how your life is now and how much different it should be after.

Have you tried all avenues and second opinions? This is a life altering decision and cannot be reversed.

Go to a quiet spot and really listen to your mind heart, and body.
talk to your dh and then decide what you really need to do.

It is your decision, and only you can decide what is right for you. Take the time to consider .
I do not feel less of a woman, but a better one. and the big O is even better now

Waiting is truely the hardest part. Every Has had to make that decision. Just remember that we are here for you.

Bugg- Being put to sleep was the easiest thing ever, to me! I was put to sleep after my c-section while they sewed me up. And I never even knew it was coming. They put it in my IV. There is nothing unpleasureable about it. Then I was put under again last May to remove a cyst off my inner thigh. It was so simple. I got on the table and the nurse put a mask over my face and told me to take a few deep breaths. After that it seemed like I blinked and was awake in the recovery room. No recollection at all. And I am a real control freak myself! I get MAJOR anxiety about all medical procedures! Heck, I even get nervous going for a teeth cleaning! LOL

As far as never knowing what it's like to just "be a couple", we haven't either. We each brought a child into the marriage. His was a teenager, heaven help us! Mine was just about 4. So as far as that goes, it would be nice to not have to worry about whether or not your children were gonna catch you!! hehehe I just worry about the future. Let's face it, my hubby is 10 yrs older than me. And stastically women outlive men. And I think boys don't seem to have that emotional bond w/their mother's like girls do. I'm afraid I'll feel alone. I don't want to end up one of those little old ladies that sits by the window waiting. That scares me.

Debbie- sounds like you are doing great! I'm so proud for you! I have heard that a VH is much easier! I can only pray that I can have mine LAVH! I hear there is much less pain that way.

Pamcat- thank you for your advice! I think you are right. I KNOW you are. I just hope that I can find a way to hear that inner voice between now and next Wednesday! And thank you for saying that you wouldn't judge me for changing my mind. I hope everyone is as kind!

hugs!

Kim

Hi Colleen!

I do have pain, not as bad since I've been on the pill. I used to have really bad cramps and heavy bleeding w/clots. I have a fibroid but it's only 1 inch big. Which is strange since my first gyno kept telling me how my uterus was the size of a 12 wk pregnancy. I did get a second opinion. That dr did an u/s and said that my uterus was normal size w/the 1 inch fibroid. But he said that where there is one, there are always more. If not now, will be. As far as options? I have no desire to endure lupron, too chicken for the artery blockage thing, not a candidate for oblation due to the fibroid being inside the uterus wall. I have been on the pill for two yrs or so. But now I am beginning to cramp all month long. Funny thing is, is that as soon as we started talking about hysterectomy, my cramping all but stopped! I had a three day period! I mean, how much better could you get? But the new dr basically told me that it was just a matter of quality of life. If I wanted to and could deal w/the pain, we could continue to treat my symptoms. Maybe I should have taken a little longer to think about it before I agreed to surgery.

Do you think I should have gotten a third opinion?

Kim

Kim,
I'll be going into the Castle the day after you with many of the same questions, etc. I'm 33, and also wonder if timing is right, I question whether I could deal with the pain a while longer, etc. I'e been asking around, I'll share some of the answers tht I have gotten
First: I have a friend who was over 40 when she had her TAH, and definitely not wanting any more kids, however, she says that just know the option is GONE was hard on her for a while. I think if you are prepared for that it will be easier.
Second: I went on the post-op board and asked whether anyone regretted their choice. ALL responses said that the only regret was that they didn't do it sooner. I am doing it "sooner" before too many huge problems, so I'm hoping I won't have ANY regrets!
Third: There is no "right" answer. Just what is "best" for you. Could you go through a pregmancy at this point? What would that do to your body? Have you asked your dr?

Good luck. I've decided to go through with it....I figure life can't get worse, only better.

Another Kim

Hi Kim!!

I know you're right. It's just scary. I have not asked my dr about the pregnancy thing. In fact, I was considering that last night. I thought, I bet since I am over 30 and DH is over 40, that I would have to endure many more tests this time. And I am such a wimp anyway, I am not sure if I want to go there. Plus I would DEFINITELY have to have an abdominal incision for that! No question about it. This way, I have some hope that I can have the LAVH. Plus, it would be such a disruption of our lifestyles. We haven't had a baby around in several years!! My "baby" is 14!! Can you imagine the shock? But I guess no more so than the first time, right? But as far as my body goes, I was in much better shape 10 yrs ago! This might be the ol' nail in the casket for the waistline! LOL Thanks and best of luck on your surgery!

hugs!!

Kim