Boyfriend does not understand

Hello ladies- I am new and need some help. My surgery is scheduled for Jan. 29. This is two weeks after I wanted to have it because my boyfriend is going out of town snowmobiling the week on January 17 through the 24 (pretty much the whole week before my surgery). Anyways, on to the real issue.

He doesn't understand the big deal about this surgery. He thinks that because I will be better afterwards that I should just be fine with losing my uterus and cervix. He also thinks that because of "how strong I am" I will be back to normal in no time. How do I explain to him how I am feeling in order to make him understand what this is like for me? I am 24 years old and can not have another child and I feel like I am losing a major part of what makes a woman a woman. And I am afraid of what things will be like after the surgery.

However he does say this will probably make him love me more after watching me go through all of this. Right now I do not know that that is such a big deal.

Can anyone help me?

Hi i am 7 weeks post op my husband was the same way...oh its for the better,your better off....most men don't understand at all.
just try your best to explain it if he is like my husband he won't listen anyway it goes.
you have us here on this site so if ya ever need a shoulder to cry on we are all here.
goodluck

First off Hello, I am new here also. I have my surgery scheduled for Jan. 19 and I am also a bit nervous about it. I don't think my husband understands either. He says things like, isn't this what you wanted them to do, and won't it make you happy to not bleed anymore. I am sorry I really don't have any advice to give you, but I can say I understand. Best of luck with things!

Hi Charity,
I'm sorry your boyfriend is not being very supportive.
It is true that some men just don't get it.

I can understand your grief over not being able to have children - and I'm very sorry you have to go through this at such a young age.
I would urge you not to feel that you are losing any of "what makes a woman a woman" though... Your uterus doesn't make you feminine or womanly - your personality will do that. But don't get me wrong - there is a loss - for sure! Having this surgery is a huge and fundamental change in your life and how your body works - there is no doubt about it.

You are going to have to try to talk to your boyfriend. He may not ever really understand what you are feeling, but he should be able to at least acknowledge that this is important to you and it is a big change in your life.

I'm going to make a suggestion, and I don't mean it in a sarcastic or nasty way - I suggest you ask him very gently and politely how he would deal with a situation where he had to have his testicles removed..... I suggest this as a way to help him realize (as if he doesn't know!!) that some body parts are more important than others. I know some men won't even consider a vasectomy because they think they will feel less manly - I think many men are pretty protective of their "special parts"..... again, I don't suggest you ask him this is a challenging way, but in a way that allows him to make a sort of comparison and get some better understanding.

I wish you well,

Hi Charity...first of all is your boyfriend going to be there for you or is he going on his trip during this time? You are soooo young and I went thru something like this with an old boyfriend years ago...you are both young and you know they say boys mature slower than girls so I am sure he has some growing up to do...as do they all...haha! When my man saw me in recovering it suddenly dawned on him what I had been through and I woke up to a new printer for my computer...he didnt know how else to express himself...If he has never seen a sister or mother go through anything like this then he has no idea what it is doing to you. You need to believe in you and that you can get through this!! You will feel so much better and have a better quality of life with no more pain...look at it that way...You have a whole life ahead of you! I had a co-worker tell me that she would feel less of a woman if she had a hys and at first I thought how cruel...but then I realized she was trying to tell me she understood how hard it was going to be for me...and not everyone has expressed that to me...I guess they dont think that deeply about it because its not them...well I think I've ranted enough for today...take care of yourself...and keeping coming back to the hystersisters..its great........maddie

Dear Charity,
The men in my life didn't understand or appreciate the extent of the hysterectomy either. My son (21) only felt sympathetic after being with me in the hospital. My brother appreciated my pain after that as well. My stepfather stayed home (out of town) while my mom came to take care of me, and he had already gone through the surgery with my mom 21 years earlier, so he had an understanding of the recovery. A man, however, will never understand how it feels to never be able to have children. Men are decision-makers, and they want a quick-fix to make things "all better," so they tend to appear unemotional because they want to be strong. I promise you that when your boyfriend sees you in the hospital, he will at least appreciate the surgery/recovery part. The other, well, sorry, WE are the stronger sex!
Sheree, Tarzana, CA

Ask your boyfriend how he'd feel if he had to have a testicle removed. He might get it.

I think that maybe he is not unsympathetic, he just does not know how to express himself. He has really no idea what the operation means to you - how could he? but he does know that it means a great deal to you and is at a loss on how to say it.

The parallel of losing his testicles seems to me a good one - I am sure they mean a lot! - and explaining this to him calmy and in a non aggreesive way as explained before might do the trick.

Anyway, even if he does now understand, the sisters here do and they are always prepared to listen and comfort. Take charge, we are here with you.

Lots of hugs

Thank you ladies. I am starting to feel a little bit better.

As for my boyfriend he is actually 12 years older than I am.

I did ask him about his testicles and he said "if they hurt like you hurt I would gladly have them cut off" So, unfortunately that analogy did not help the situation.

He has asked me what he can buy me to make my time at home after the surgery better. At first I thought he was going to ask me if there was anything he could buy me to make the surgery easier and I told him that there was nothing he could buy me that would replace the things that are being removed from me. He said he knew that and then explained that he meant anything for me to have at home afterwards. I know he is trying to understand it is just sometimes it is so frustrating trying to tell him how I am feeling because I know he doesn't understand.

Like today, my Christmas parties start on Saturday and I am not looking forward to them because I keep thinking about they surgery. How do I get past it and enjoy the holiday and my family when all I feel like doing is crying? I am having a down day today, I wish I could go home from work and curl up in my bed and stay there.

Men...ya just gotta love'em!! We are here and we definitely understand!!
My husband is questionable, he doesnt like to talk about it at all! He thinks I just get myself all worked up and it is something that has to be done, so why get upset talking about it!
So, I dont talk to him about it...I stay on this site pretty much every day!