Concerned about resuming intimacy at 6 weeks post-LAVH

The title says it all .... DH is BEGGING ME !! Doc gave me the OK and I went and got some lubricant, but I am absolutely terrified...

Any words of wisdom for the first time?

My dear sweet girl - I am so right there with you honey! I had my surgery on Thanksgiving Day. We were anxious to have sex too and waited until the big "six week" mark put in place by my doctor.

Last Wednesday was our first time. I will be honest and tell you that - while it didn't HURT - it didn't feel that great. I felt like I was bruised inside, my vajayjay was sore.

We tried again yesterday - in fact TWICE yesterday - - and it was MUCH better.

I recommend using LOTS of lubricant and have your DH take it slow. Slow when entering and just plain slow! The princess needs to get "broken in" again but oh so gently.

Last night we lit candles all over the bedroom and played some sexy music. That helps slow things down too - take the time to relax.

And there are plenty of other things you can do if the actual intercourse part is too painful yet. You gotta remember that your body has been through major trauma so be good to yourself.

Kris
Happy to be SANS UTERUS!
TAH Thanksgiving Day 2008
Fibroids, Cysts, Endometriosis and Bleeding Galore!

Sloooooooooooooooooooooooooooow, sloooooooooooooooooow, slooooooooooooooooooow. Make sure DH knows that if he isnt slow, then there will be no more sex for many many weeks! Okay, well, at least that is the threat that worked for me.

Without crossing the PG line, I am going to tell you something I did. I spent a little more time focusing on him so it wouldnt take so long when we actually did have sex.

Good luck!!!

Anne, take a deep breath.

If your Dr. says it is ok, then physically you are probably ready. That said, part of this is mental, (someone at this site mentioned that the biggest sexual organ was the brain). You have been through trauma, physical and mental. If you are terrified, remember that you have options.

I would suggest you let your partner know how afraid you are, and that you give yourself permission to be the total and complete boss of the entire sexual experience right now. If you discuss this with your partner in advance , and especially if your partner is supportive during this conversation and reassures you that you are, indeed, the total and complete boss, then you may have a bit less fear.

Knowing that you can control the experience, the timing, the position, the duration, etc., this can bring some confidence to you.

The female on top position allows you to completely control the penetration.

All this said, I know that it is scary. Some one else at this site said that it is a good idea to not expect orgasm the first couple of times, but to just aim for closeness, and that was helpful to me.

If mood enhancers work for you (soft lights, music, wine, etc.,) then use those tools.

A final thought is to remember that an adjustment phase is normal, it will take some time for you to feel "yourself" again. Good luck to you.

Hi Anne!

Remember...just because your physician may have released you as physically healed enough to engage in intercouse, it doesn't mean you have to do it. I have read thousands and thousands of posts on this site and never once have I learned of a situation where a doctor ordered a post-op hysterectomy patient to go home and have intercourse. When my own gynecologist released me at my 6-week post-op appointment, he said, "You can do whatever you feel like doing." The decision was obviously up to me.

If you don't feel ready, if you don't feel comfortable, then I say...don't do it. Your husband knows of other ways to relieve his urges.

Bizet Woman said it best. You are the one in charge. I was also released at 6 weeks but waited another week. I just told my DH that I did not feel ready yet. As it turned things went really well, , really, really well.

It is very important that you be ready and relaxed.

Good luck.

Is there an article on MisterHysterSisters or on this website that explains to the guys how scary this is for us? I want my husband to know this now, so my anxiety about it becomes part of what is on his mind as he gets to the point where he starts thing about our first post-op experience.

Hi Girls!
I am also scared. I see the doc tomorrow and I know he will release me for all activities. When I saw him last week for an infection he said after 5 days when I finished the meds I could be "intimate". I asked for one more visit this week just to double check since I already had my VC separate without intercourse. I am very excited, but sooo scared! MY BF is excited but almost as afraid as I am. He says he will just lay there and I can control everything, because he doesn't want to hurt me. He's very sweet, I hope I haven't scared him off too much!!!! Good Luck Miss Anne!!!!!!!!!! P.S. My doc did say last week to spend more time on foreplay and nto so much on the actual intercourse and take it slow. (Said he didin't want my guy ruining his handy work! ) Ha. ha, ha!

My doc released me today ..i dunno who was more anxious me or DH lol
we went slow took our time and it was wonderful ,3x wonderful (tmi i know )i was very scared it would hurt ,flash backs from the first time after had babies. haha . was no pain at all and hubby said didnt feel different just fantastic after 6 weeks without .but i totally agree with being on top that way you get to control how deep or if uncomphy and wanna stop.

Thanks for the support everyone !!!

I just couldn't do it ... DH is very disappointed I know its mostly mental but before my surgery sex was very painful because of the Endo and tumors and I know they aren't there now, but I'm still terrified. Especially after reading about my vaginal cuff, I'm afraid he's going to puncture it or dislogde it or something and I'm going to end up right back in the hospital.

We had a long talk last night and I explained my fears, and you know what he said? "Trust me, I won't hurt you, now get naked" ... Totally turned me off. He just doesn't understand.