Scared, waiting & worried

This is long & rambling, but here goes...

Bleh...of course I would have to see the doctor on Friday.

Well, I started on Monday after not being able to stand it anymore - two week periods every two weeks even though I'm on the pill - clearly something wasn't working. I am back where I was three years ago, and worse probably.

They blessedly got me in on Monday to see my dr's wonderful nurse practitioner. I had blood work and an endometrial biopsy which all came back "normal".

Then today (Friday) I had a vaginal ultrasound and saw the doctor. He agreed that we didn't have to try anything else since we've been trying different things for three years. Turns out the fibroids are pretty big now.

Naturally the person who does the scheduling was busy and then out of the office so I won't hear from them until Monday. I'm SO not good at waiting.

I'm a pastor & I need to know when the surgery will be by Monday night (hopefully) so that I can start preparing my parish council which meets then. We have to figure out all the logistics of me being off.

I'm going to have a LAVH leaving the cervix and hopefully the ovaries too (that's another conversation ... two aunts & both grandmothers have had ovarian cancer, but I'm only 35 so we're trying to keep the ovaries).

Add to this that I'm a rape survivor (when I was 13) and all the bleeding has been causing an escalation in my PTSD symptoms. I'm worried about having PTSD problems after surgery. I did alright when I had a diagnostic laparoscopy almost two years ago, but I'm worried about this.

I'm worried about getting help while I'm off (I'll ask, don't worry about that, but I'm usually the one who does the caring so it's tricky).

I'm worried about the 14 steps up to my apartment - after the diagnostic lap procedure I stayed the first night at a friend's house & don't really want to do that again. Must say that I'm feeling better after reading some folks suggestions about stairs here! Thanks.

I'm also worried about my cats - the little one just always seems to know where to sit, on the spot that hurts most!

And did I mention, I have to wawit until Monday to know when it's all going to happen?!?!?!



~ M

Welcome Mlynnwi! I'm sorry to hear you have been through so much!! I just wanted to let you know that somewhere on this site, forgive me I cannot recall where, it indicated that a young lady had found going up the stairs backwards uses less abdominal muscles than go up the normal way.

I understand what you are saying about your cat, I have two, a 17 yr old and a 2 yr old, the 2 yr old has always wanted what we call "love" time seeing she weighs a hefty 14lbs, I cannot imagine her trying to have love time with me when I come home...Her love time usually consists of snuggling under my hair by my neck, we found her when she was only 2 wks old and that is how I kept her warm, so now its all she knows.

Sorry I cannot offer any advice on PTSD but look around the site there are many of us out here that can relate to someone else somehow......

Best Wishes!

I too am a rape survivor (age 12) and I suffer from PTSD. not just from the rape but also 14 miscarriages which my doc thinks is caused by the severe damage from the rape. I am hoping above all hope that this surgery will in a way help me heal from all the loss. Kind of an end of that chapter and onto a new and better one. I am scared it will make the PTSD worse but mentally I am focusing on being stronger after wards. I hope all goes well for you and I will be sending positive vibes your way

I was not actually raped but I was molested by a step brother at age 9 and suffer from PTSD so I know your fears. I too am looking toward this surgery as a healing. This is hard! But I want you to know that you are not alone!!!!!!

I too am sending positive vibes your way in hopes that this does not become an issue for you!!!! You just keep your head up and know that you are not alone in this!!!!!!! ANd anytime you need us you've got us!!!!!

Hello!

Just wanted to pop in and offer my best wishes for you as you and your doctor address these issues. You're now one more day closer to finding out!

I have cats, too, and it helped me a great deal to place a small pillow (my "tummy pillow") on my tummy to at least cushion the pounce of a cat.

I hope you are feeling a little better just knowing we are all here to support you!

Thanks everyone...only two days left to wait before I can schedule the surgery. I keep thinking that will help, having an actual date. In the meantime I'm making lists and trying to focus on work too.

~ M

Hi,

I am on Day 3 post-op from DaVinci LTH/bso. I had the surgery due to an enlarged ovarian tumor. I understand your angst on wanting to get your life and those that depend on you in order. We had to wait until the surgery to determine if I had ovarian cancer or not. My thoughts - if I am cancer free, then we can plan on moving on from here but if I have cancer.... I am now past that place of indecision - thank goodness, it was a benign tumor. Be pleasant but persistent in trying to pin down the answers you need. I almost had to have my surgery rescheduled since someone forgot to schedule my hospital pre-admission testing and then they were missing my primary doctor's medical clearance 2 hours before I was to find out the time of the surgery the next morning. (I certainly didn't want to have to do another bowel prep!)

I can address the cat issue. We now have four but only three take turns sleeping with us. So far, no one has stepped on me but I have been wearing my belly pillow (given to me in the hospital) in my underwear as protection. The felines' latest trick to wake us up just before the alarm clock would go off at 5:45 a.m. My dear hubby is getting the first call, so they don't dance on me. Before surgery, one of them would inevitably step on a delicate part. Our eldest cat, greets me in bed and curls up under my right arm. They just seem to know to stay off the sore parts. Try to get someone to help you with the litter box - that bending and reaching will be tricky for awhile.

Just keep doing what you can until you find out about the next step. Let people help you - they want to do for you but usually they need directions as to how what you would want them to do for you. Hang in there!

I hope my kittens are as understanding as yours all seem to be - it's great when the little one finally does lay down as she's a wonderful gently vibrating heating pad, but getting to laying down is the problem for her.

At the moment I'm just really tired. I've been bleeding since January two and three weeks at a time with only a week off or so. The doctor says it's "normal", but doesn't have any suggestions. I've been trying to take it easy, but there is work I have to do. Ideas? Suggestions? Sympathy?

~ M

Hi mlynnwi

I'm sorry about all you've experienced. Preparing for a hysterectomy can be difficult even without the rape and PTSD. I was also raped, in my early 20's, and I know how easy it is for things that seem simple to others to be difficult to cope with.

If you go to our Resources Database and type the word "rape," you'll find links to RAINN (Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network) and Pandora's Project (support and information for survivors of rape and sexual abuse). Perhaps you could find some information in those places that will provide some of the support you need now.

I'm not good at waiting, either. In fact, after my and I agreed that I should have the hysterectomy, due to having to have one more test and waiting for the testing office to communicate with my doctor's office, I had to wait a whole month before we could schedule a surgery date. It drove me batty.

I hope you'll be able to get something scheduled soon and that everything goes well.

I'm sending big

	Quote:
Originally Posted by toonces I have cats, too, and it helped me a great deal to place a small pillow (my "tummy pillow") on my tummy to at least cushion the pounce of a cat.

I'll second the pillow idea. I got a puppy just one day before I found out I'd need a hysterectomy. Just keep that pillow on top of your abdomen.