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why cant my hubby just get it???
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04-09-2012, 07:01 AM
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HysterSister
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Posts: 51
Hysterectomy: March 19th, 2012
Surgery Type: TAH
Ovaries: Removed both
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why cant my hubby just get it???
i warned him and i told him over and over that im gonna "change" after the surgery, he said ok but now that my emotions are all over the place he just doesnt get it.
he mummbles under his breath at raises his voice and back talks to me and just plan rude.
he makes me out to be this stupid stupid person with no brain.
and when he does this it just makes me so much more mad and upset. i wanna scream so much all the time.
its been 3 weeks today since i had a TAH and well now that the dr. took basically everything out of me i am n ot sure how i am sup. to feel?
i know i should be resting but he wont do anything as far as chores so that leaves me doing them or live in a dirty dirty house,ewww
i begged him for over a week to PLEASE sweep the floor and he kept saying ok tomorrow ,tomorrow,, well over a week and i got tired of him doing nothing but sit on his bum when he got home doing nothing but play stupid solitaire on his laptop, i at just before 2 weeks post op. went and had to sweep the floor down here to get all the food and trash off the floor that had been sitting there cuz he wouldnt help out. now im 3 weeks and i am so tired i have to go right back to my daily chores and heck i guess i should start working out since i have lost 20 pounds since surgery but i still look soooo fat
im so tired of being sick n tired and dealing with his attitude, i wanna loose this weight and feel good so maybe dealing with him wont bug me so much??????
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04-09-2012, 07:40 AM
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HysterSister
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Posts: 59
Hysterectomy: March 5th, 2012
Surgery Type: TAH
Ovaries: Kept 1 or both
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Re: why cant my hubby just get it???
Oh hunnie, I am so sorry. Please get your butt back to the couch and rest. I realize how hard it is to watch someone NOT do the chores, or even to do them but NOT do them properly LOL, but you just have to take a deep breath and decide to live in filth if thats the way he's going to be.
Can you hire a cleaning lady or a friend to come in and do it for you?
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04-09-2012, 07:47 AM
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HysterSister
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Posts: 8,185
Hysterectomy: November 1st, 2010
Surgery Type: SAH
Ovaries: Kept 1 or both
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Re: why cant my hubby just get it???
and send him the bill.
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04-09-2012, 08:07 AM
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HysterSister
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Posts: 2,294
Hysterectomy: April 4th, 2012
Surgery Type: DvH
Ovaries: Kept 1 or both
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Re: why cant my hubby just get it???
So sorry to hear this! You may find that venting to hysteristers can make you feel a whole lot better. Sometimes you just need to explode and get it all out. Feel free to explode on here and we will understand. I like the cleaning lady idea, hopefully that's a possibility. You can't sweep or vacuum at all, so your just going to have to ignore that stuff. try to do only what you need to do for your own recovery. Stop doing things for him. When he needs dishes he'll wash them, same with his laundry. When the trash smells too bad he will take it out. You need to take care of yourself and not waste energy picking up his messes and trying to take care of him. Live as though you live alone and do the bare minimum that you need to do only. The dirty house will survive, but your health won't improve if you don't take care of yourself. Don't yell at him or nag him to do things, just stop doing them. He'll get the hint. he probably thinks you should be all better by now and doesn't realize your future health is at risk if you vacuum and such. I spent the month prior to my surgery brainwashing my DH with all the stories of post op complications so mine is being very good and bossing me around if he see's me do anything. I am only a few days post op, so am curious to see if he actually sticks to this as the weeks pass and I get a little better. Hugs to you, and hang in there!!
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04-09-2012, 09:54 AM
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HysterSister
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Posts: 271
Hysterectomy: January 25th, 2012
Surgery Type: SAH
Ovaries: Kept 1 or both
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Re: why cant my hubby just get it???
Sorry to hear you're going through this - makes me glad to be newly single!
I agree with the other ladies - you need to look after yourself and your health right now - no heavy housework at all! There's a section here on this site dedicated to men, to help them understand exactly what we go through when we have a hysterectomy. Get him to use his laptop for something better than computer games! And if he doesn't take the hint let him wallow in his own filth for a while - it won't kill him!
Good luck!
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04-09-2012, 11:23 AM
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HysterSister
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Posts: 51
Hysterectomy: March 19th, 2012
Surgery Type: TAH
Ovaries: Removed both
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Re: why cant my hubby just get it???
well thank you guys so much and im sorry for any type o's cuz im fighting back the tears right now
we cant afford a cleaning lady and well that would be my title,lol. and dont have any friends here since we just moved here and his battalion is well lets just say they dont care about anyone but themselfs
i tried and tried and begged for help before surgery even when i was having a sever allergic reaction to some meds. noone bothered helping me at all .
i posted this and just gopt tired of stepping over cat puke,ewww yes. so i with help of my lil one we cleaned it up since it had been sitting there on the floor for over a week
im so sorry for saying all this im NOT a dirty person and i dont have a dirty house but since my surgery i do, and that i just hate.
i talked to him before and he said he understood and not to worry he would do everything now he does some not alot but some stuff and when he does or when i ask for something he mummbles and huffs and puffs and always walks around like he is peeved at me and the world.???
i ask him whats wrong and he says NOTHING. so im so upset and i know my body is going thru alot but i just wish he cared a bit more then he does. cuz i get the feeling like he hates me for this.??
so im so upset i went and cleaned up cat puke ( very old) and then i cleaned the kitchen and ytes moving microwave and other stuff around in there to clean cuz old food was everywhere and stuff stuck to the countertops and just well gross.
i am really starting to hate my life right now. and i am really hating everything around me well except my sweet baby boy, who i am also homeschooling. and he is great he is doing what he needs and helping me when he can . im so blessed to have him and so lucky, i try to lay down or sit in my comfy reclyner but my brain startes to work overtime and it drives me crazy. i feel like i am loosing my mind or whats left of it.
i am so sorry for venting and telling yall all of this but i dont have anyone else to talk to and it seems like all i wanna do is cry and hide in a corner and never come out.
and oh by the way yes, i am in pain, my back is throbbing, my tummy is throbbing and i just feel like poo i do have some pain pills but it just stinks to be me.
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04-09-2012, 11:36 AM
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HysterSister
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Posts: 236
Hysterectomy: March 28th, 2012
Surgery Type: LSH
Ovaries: Undecided
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Re: why cant my hubby just get it???
Sorry you are feeling so overwhlmed. I have a fantastic husband, but he can easily let pots & pans sit for days and the dog hair all over the wood floor doesnt phaze him. Unless they are OCD about cleaning, they just don't get it! One thing i found that helps is to leave notes or write a list. "please sweep the floor " is so much easier than nagging and its written down so he can't say he forgot! Also, please call your Dr and talk about how youre feeling. Are you on hormones or anything to help the instant menopause symptoms? Sending you a cyber hug
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04-09-2012, 03:52 PM
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HysterSister
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Posts: 147
Hysterectomy: March 20th, 2012
Surgery Type: TAH
Ovaries: Kept 1 or both
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Re: why cant my hubby just get it???
If you are stationed in the "states" have you tried contacting the local VFW or American Legion? They might be able to help you with cleaning and other stuff. You should not be doing what you are because you don't want to hurt yourself. Prayers and hugs
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04-09-2012, 04:39 PM
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HysterSister
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Posts: 40
Hysterectomy: March 27th, 2012
Surgery Type: LAVH
Ovaries: Undecided
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Re: why cant my hubby just get it???
Bless your heart. Glad yo know I'm not the only one with a mmmm how shall I put this?? non-understanding hubby. Mine can be a real pain because I taught him to treat me that way. I do everything in and out of the house and now when I need help he is aggravated. I am slowly learning to stand up for myself but its not easy to break bad habits.
Pray, lean on the Lord. Lean on the sisters here. I'm so sorry. I'll be praying for you.
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04-09-2012, 05:01 PM
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HysterSister
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Posts: 107
Hysterectomy: February 29th, 2012
Surgery Type: DvH
Ovaries: Removed both
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Re: why cant my hubby just get it???
My boyfriend was fantastic and understanding through everything the last 6 weeks. Now, he's asking me WHY when I tell him I'm in a funk, and tells me to stop it! OHMYFRUSTRATING! I've wanted to deck him for it! I felt like telling him, "Well, go get *snorfleed* and have them stop your testosterone, and tell me what YOU go through!" (your creative minds can work out exactly how I wanted to word that )
*hugs* I'm sorry your husband isn't being as supportive as he needs to be. I really don't think men get it, AT ALL. I hate being sexist, but how could they? They have NEVER had to deal with anything like this!
LOL! why did snorfleed come up snorfleed??? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Ah ha, it seems we've had some problems with women wanting to have their husbands fixed here? I'm ROTFL!!!!
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