anyone else have no children?

Hi all...

I wondered if anyone else, beside me, was having a hyster and has never had children? If so how do you feel about it. For my part, I never wanted to have children...BUT...It would be nice to hear from others in my style of shoes.




from the chameleon

I don't have any kids and like you, never wanted them. I've been married 30 years and have never had the urge to reproduce.

The only thing I feel about having had a hyst. is that I wish the Drs would have done it sooner! I suffered for years and because society thinks every women wants or should have kids I was given anything but a hyst. You can see from my bio below that my uterus was a mess but I still feel like the only reason they considered me for surgery was because I'm almost 50 and they figured I'd be going through menopause soon. I know I sound bitter and I am. When I think of the time that was robbed from me when I was in too much pain and bleeding for weeks and weeks to do the things I love it just honkerblonkes me off.

Having my hyst was one of the best things I've ever done.

Hyster was the first thing that the Doc said to me and I'm soon to 31...my Uterus is a mess too, he said to do anything else would only be a temporary patch and would risk my well being. Like you, I've never felt the need to have children and it really honked me off when I got the eye roll and "you'll change your mind" speech. Well,I guess I'll have ammo when I get that speech again. Some people were even more pushy about it and wouldn't leave me be...to them I always teased.."hey, you can pee in the gene pool, but I don't have to!" Not that I think people who do have children aren't doing the ight thing for them, mother hood was just not for me. Doc say that I'm not even very well built for it.

I'm sorry if I sound a bit cross, but I'm in A LOT of pain right now...can't take meds for it!!

Anyway, I'm sorry to hear that it took your Dr's that long to decide to help you out. I got a second opinion and both my docs told me the same thing...I am glad to hear you aren't suffering anymore!!

Hi-

I've been married 21 years (age 42) and am child free by choice. I too, endured years of the 'you'll change your mind' speech! My mom's big warning is that I'll have 'no one to take care of me in my old age'....of course she has 5 kids and will be lucky if one of us takes care of her-she's so hateful!

In fact, I'm the oldest of the 5 and basically raised my siblings-mom was too busy watching the soaps....she never enjoyed us when we were home-just wanted that old age insurance policy I guess.

Old age policy...hummm...never thought of that...maybe when Ihit 70 or so I'll adopt an 18 year old cabana boy...
Sounds better than kids really.

I had my surgery at 38 and my husband and I were always in agreement that we didn't want children.

We'd even talked about having my tubes tied since we got married, but none of my gynos would even consider it until I was over 35.

So when the option came for myomectomy with the prospect of another surgery within 10 years (either another myomectomy or hyster), I decided that preserving a uterus I had no intention of using and going through multiple surgeries though reasonably safe was no way to live. (I even asked the doctor if I could have my tubes tied at the time of the myomectomy - I asked her if it was insulting and she laughed and said it kind of was, because she'd work so hard to preserve a place to grow a baby, knowing I had no intention of using it. She would have done it though, because she knew that was a viable solution to my problems.)

Some doctors find it hard to believe that I've known since I was a teen that I never wanted children, but here it is 6 months since surgery and I'm still sure. My mother has grandchildren by my two other siblings, as does my husband's parents, so there's never been any pressure from the family and for that I'm grateful. There are no pitiful looks at me when we discuss my hyster at the fact that I cannot have children. I wish that all women were able to have the kids that they want, and it's so sad that many are not able to have their own.

Take care.

Chameleon,

I am 44 years old and have been childless by choice. I never had the maternal yearnings or heard the ticking of the biological clock. Losing my uterus did not make me feel any differently in that aspect, just made me a happier healthier woman.

My story is very similar to cmouse's (I'll e-mail you later E). I grew up in poverty with 5 sisters and spent most of my time being a mother too.

Though I've been told I'm selfish, that I should be ashamed of myself, and that there will be no one to take care of me when I'm old, I do not let these comments get me down. I am a good, loving, caring person and do not think it's fair to be judged (or psycho-analyzed) because I chose not to have children. And, contrary to popular belief, I am very happy with myself, my husband, and my life.

I am very sorry though that some women who want children are unable to. I am sure that is very painful for them.

Linda

I was 36 when I finally had my hyster. Children never did happen for us and we have accepted it and moved on. We have filled our lives with other things that make us happy and have been married for 18 wonderful years.
My Mother-in-Law did say one very hurtful thing to me. She said we could not be truly happy because by not giving birth to a child your life could never be happy and fulfilled.
We have lots of friends around us who have kids and we enjoy visiting with them and even babysitting but having a child of our own was not in the cards for us. We are also great at being Aunt and Uncle.
My DH and I were just so happy that I finally was cured of all the pain and problems I had and that I could finally enjoy life outside of the bathroom!
You just have to be strong and as long as you have a good support system you will do fine.

The only children I have are two beautiful adoptees ... a seven-year-old boy with silver-blue eyes, perfect manners and an endless supply of kisses, and a very bright, active five-year-old boy with brown eyes and energy to burn.

Both have wonderful, loving personalities and are drop-dead gorgeous, with long silver-gray hair mingled with black merling, dainty white paws and big white ruffs.

And neither require college tuition or the keys to the car.

Keep well,
IslandScribe

I have also never had children. I just turned 40 last fall and within 10 days learned I would need to seriously consider a hyster due to another bad bout of endo.

If I had married someone who had strong feelings about parenting I would have gladly tried to conceive or adopt. Unfortunately the 2 great loves Ive had in my life have not led to marriage.

Now, I imagine it's a high probablity that I will marry someone who already has children. I don't think I would agree to start a family now that I've entered my 40's.

However, I did go through a grieving time before my surgery. It was just different to decide not to have children, versus not being able to have children. I think allot of the grieving was do to not being able to have a choice.

I have read many postings on this site from women who have children and did not plan to have anymore, that also grieved the finality of ending that chapter in their lives.

I was shocked to learn that even though I have a doctorate level of education, have always worked to support myself, yet I had very stong feelings of grief related to my "attractiveness - physically and emotionally" knowing I would not be able to give someone a child.

I know it sounds like "stone age" thinking, but I did have some of my value linked to my ability to bare children. Intellectually, I know that my value is determined by much more than a uterus, but I did have a couple of weeks that I struggled with these feelings.

Now that the surgery is behind me and life is getting back to normal, I've started to realize that this could possibly be an advantage to some men.......no worries about pregnancy.....no more gyno problems......just plenty of time & strength to have a life full of fun!!