Upcoming hysterectomy: Judgement from family

Sometimes avoiding an unpleasant situation is a sign of strength and not weakness. Deciding not to go to an event where you are put in the position of having to justify yourself. It is self- preservation to keep yourself on track. You do not benefit from the additional stress this family gathering may cause. Mental and spiritual health is part of preparing and future healing.

You have a supportive husband and you are pursuing your advanced degree - in my humble opinion, these are the areas you need to concentrate on. You do not owe anyone an explanation at this point and while it is very difficult (I know firsthand how families jump into my personal decisions) I urge you to be strong. Put your mental and physical health first.

We all wish you strength on your journey and we are here to support you.

Please check out this article:

Dealing with Unsupportive Family and Friends

I am almost 29 years old, no kids and I have Lupus, Fibro and joint hypermobility and my hysterectomy is on the 21st. So I understand why you've made the decision you've made. I hope that in time your family comes around, but if they don't, know that you've made this decision for yourself and you think it's for the best.
Good luck dear.

Thank you so much, everyone for your support. I am so glad I found this community.

I was also very relieved this week because my best friend returned from an extended time in Japan. We had a long catch up and she is totally on my side (she would be no matter what). She doesn't have any family here in PA and can't return home for the Easter holiday. She has decided to accompany me to my family holiday because my sisters won't discuss this issue with her around. She also said if they did she would tell them that they are being inappropriate and that if they can't be supportive of my decision then they need to keep their opinions to themselves. My lucky husband is getting out of this event by having to work.

This is of course an issue with our family dynamic. I am the youngest of six kids and two of my sisters always treat me like I am still 10 years old.

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Originally Posted by rkwosteo ...This is of course an issue with our family dynamic. I am the youngest of six kids and two of my sisters always treat me like I am still 10 years old.

Tell me about family dynamics. I'm the oldest of five and our mother died last November. Planning the funeral involved me *finally* being able to successfully communicate to my youngest sister that just because I don't always approve of her choices does not mean I don't respect her right to make choices. Simultaneously, I also needed to communicate to our middle sister that disapproving of other people's choices does not give her the right to take over and micromanage.

Rather surprisingly, the funeral turned out to be a respectful, loving and healing experience for all us. It was the first family together in decades that hasn't involved at least one fight. But - it's taken us decades of work to get to this point.

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Originally Posted by rkwosteo HI everyone, I'm 30 and just scheduled my hysterectomy for April 29th. I haven't had any kids but I have a lot of medical issues including fibromyalgia, ulcerative colitis, anxiety/depression, joint issues and menstrual bleeding so bad I had no detectable blood iron. I don't live an unhealthly lifestyle, I'm just incredibly unlucky. Needless to say, all treatments for the bleeding haven't worked and my gynecologist and I discussed how hysterectomy would be best in the long term. I was already pretty sure that having kids naturally would not be in my (or the potential child's) best interest due to my career and my health issues.

I have never had nor wanted to have children and have known that since I was about 10 - would rather adopt than go through pregnancy and birth. I have always felt that way. I have had severe pain and hemorrhaging to the point of being anemic since I was 25. By the time I was 35 it was affecting my daily life, my relationships, and my career. I started gaining weight from being practically immobile from pain 25-28 days a month.

All the doctors did was change my birth control and tell me it was in my head. Since I had never had any children, they refused to discuss a hysterectomy. I stopped going to doctors and self-medicated. I was taking 24 Advil a day just to get through the day and still in pain. My business partner and I wrote a book and as we started planning a book tour - I realized I could not travel unless I got this bleeding and pain under control.

Finally, at 40 years old, a doctor agreed that it was not "in my head" and birth control was not helping. After a lot of tests and a "look" inside he was astonished to find stage 5 endometriosis had caused so much scar tissue that my pelvic organs were fused together. He was surprised I could even walk and I would not be able to have children anyway. I was so relieved. While everyone I knew considered my uterus holy ground that no one should ever remove, it was actually my living hell.

The only thing I can say that may be helpful is that we are fortunate that we don't want kids since we are medically unfit to have them. I think it would have been excruciating to have to choose between a pain free life and a child free life. I had already chosen child free - living pain free is a no brainer!

I am now 2 months post surgery and have not taken pain meds in 2 weeks. This was the best decision I have ever made and I don't regret it or second guess it. I don't spend time with anyone that would judge me for not having children (at 40 there were a lot of people with opinions on what a wonderful mother I would be). I'm not mean about it, I just don't take time for it.

The other thing is, I now have enough energy to consider adopting or fostering - something I was far too sick to consider before!