my hubby's concerns

We talked the other night and he expressed his concern about sex being painful after a hysterectomy. Funny, that is one of the reasons I had it done. It has been practically non-existent in our house due to the pain prior to surgery. Neither one of us wanting me to hurt, we had to find other ways to be close. Now he is worried about the anatomical changes with my vagina being sewed up at the top. Before there was some "give" with the cervix and uterus that is no longer there now. He is wondering how the thrusting would not be painful for me. I never thought of it that way, but I have never heard of it being a problem before either. Anybody have any thoughts on this?

Well, all I know is things are better than ever in the area of sex for us. For the first time in ages it is not painful, at all. My dh says he feels nothing different, and for me it is so much better.

The first couple of times were a little bit tender, I had some slight pinkish discharge and was a bit sore in my belly for a couple of days, but really it was not a big deal.

My advice would be to take things slowly, ease into sex. Learn about each other again, enjoy exploring and lots of heavy petting. ;-) Allow things to progress naturally. And just ask your dh to let you take the lead on things like depth of penetration and such.

Things are really good for us now. I hope things will be good for you all too.

Hi (((Sam)))
I think it's very sweet that your dh is concerned for you and how this is going to play out when all is healed. I can understand his concern and I think it's the same reason so many women are so very worried about getting back into being intimate.

I would like to suggest you read this article that discusses the question about the vagina possibly being shorter after surgery because of the removal of the cervix. I know this isn't exactly what he's concerned about, but the article gives a lot of good information about this whole concern over sex after this surgery and I think it will help you understand what happens after surgery.

The tissue in the vagina is designed to be elastic. When healing isn't complete that can be affected If it's a problem an estrogen cream can help. Be patient and take it slow. Give yourself lots of time to heal and don't have unrealistic expectations right at first. Many women who had pain before surgery say it is way better post op. I had some tenderness, but all in all it has gone fine and we haven't had any long term issues.

I hope it all goes well for you. You are very lucky to have a man who cares and is wanting to talk about it. With that on your side, you will do just fine.
Rita

That is a great article Rita. I will show it to my husband. I realize now that his reticence over my having the surgery was probably due to his thinking that his sex life is over for good. lol Thank you both for your replies!

My DH has not expressed his concerns with this yet, but I'm sure he's thinking it... he is very sensitive about hurting me and I know he will be worried the first time, too. I think it's so sweet that our DHs are so sensitive like this!!

Great article, Rita! thanks for posting about it. Makes a lot of sense.

Good luck, Sistersam!!

i find that as the weeks and months go by, sex feels more and more like it used to -- which is good LOL

my confidence in my body grows, and my dh becomes less preoccupied with whether or not i feel okay with regard to healing. at first, we took things gently and slow. now things are more like normal. it takes a little time to build back the trust and intimacy that "everything is okay" and working right. but we never had problems with pain or bad fit, and i'm happy that i still experience orgasms -- they are different from pre-op, but still quite pleasurable! best wishes to you both as you begin to share a new closeness now that you're on a path to wellness!