In pain, in tears, and frustrated- children mentioned

I've been in pain since I gave birth about 8 months ago. First they thought it was a bladder infection and then I was told that it was a hematoma. The pain started increasing and now it is awful. I finally went in and saw my OB yesterday and he offered me a bunch of options. He is strongly recommending either going in and fixing what he says are adhesions and scar tissue or a hysterectomy. The hysterectomy sounds like the best choice to me, as I just don't want any more surgeries. I can't go through the rest of my life in this much pain. I am schedule for a hysterectomy (ovaries remaining) on October 1st.

The thing is, I'm totally on my own with this. My mother has no interest in helping me and my sister has her hands full with a new marriage and her own family. I'm probably being way too sensitive, but both of them think that the hysterectomy is too extreme and alternate between "Oh, you don't need any help after surgery, you'll be just fine" and "Don't you think a little c-section pain is normal/are you sure you are not just being dramatic wanting a hysterectomy". *sigh* Like anyone would sign up willingly for one. I just want the pain to stop. I'm sitting here typing right now and could just double over with the pain. It never goes away, even with the pain medication I'm taking. I'm exhausted from this pain and it is hard to think straight. I'm an English major and I'm too tired to even edit this or check for grammar. Sorry.

My husband just started a new job and cannot take time off. How am I going to pull this off?

This is my fifth surgery in eight years and each time I have had to do things alone. I am dreading the sheer exhaustion and pain. I feel like I can't be the mom I want to be to my children when I'm recovering from surgery. I wish that my mom wanted to be in my life. I love her so much and wish that just this once she would come and stay with me. But I need to stop wishing because she is just never going to be like that.

The other thing I'm sad about is that I always hoped for a tummy tuck. I lost 150 lbs a few years ago and have kept it off. I don't want any more surgeries after this one, so this is kind of my one shot. But I haven't saved up nearly enough money. This probably sounds very stupid and vain. I am struggling with wanting to finance the tummy tuck and have something nice come out of all of the struggle. Boy this looks shallow as I'm writing this.

I guess I'll just get a bunch of freezer meals thrown together and buy paper plates? I have a six year old, a four year old, and an 8 month old. This is going to be really hard! I have no one to talk to this about. We just moved again and I don't know anyone in my church well enough yet or my neighborhood to share about this. If anyone is reading this, thank you for listening to me whine and I'm praying that I will have strength and wisdom and encouragement from digging in and reading all of the wisdom on this board. There have to be other people that have pulled all of this off and finally been able to move on from severe pain.

Dear TXSongbird,

Bless your heart - I will be praying for you! Since you're in severe pain I would definitely opt for the surgery. You CAN do this - it will be tough, no doubt - but your faith will bring you through. Trust in God - he won't let you down!
Talk to your pastor - tell him what you've posted here (believe me, I'm sure he's heard it all - don't be embarrassed) and I'm sure your church will come through for you; maybe some people can volunteer to babysit your children and cook meals for you. I've found that most pastors are great therapists and are more than happy to "rally the troops" to come to your aid. Who knows? You'll probably gain a lot of new friends from the experience. That's what your church family is for - even if you don't know them very well. When my father-in-law passed away, I don't know that my mother-in-law would've survived the first few months if it hadn't been for her church - and she hadn't been attending there long. People brought over tons of food, several people even volunteered to do housework and yardwork for her! You'd really be surprised.

I'm going to pray for you that you'll find a way to do this - and to have peace of mind to carry you through. Hang in there sister!

Please excuse my rambling...

Donna

If you dont mind me asking, where in Texas are you? I might be able to get you some contacts.

I am sorry you are having to do this alone. You are going to feel sooooooooooo much better though.

As far as the surgery, if you can avoid the TAH your recovery should be easier. Also, in regards to food, precook everything and put it in freezer bags! Also, I am assuming your 8 yr old is in school so you can rest during the day? Maybe you should also consider looking in to a mothers day out program for the two younger ones? You HAVE to be able to rest for at least the first few days.

I know how you feel. I am a single mom and my boyfriend does not live with me. I am living with a friend right now with my children. I will have to let my kids stay to diffrent places while I am in the hospital to allow my boyfriend to be there with me. I will stay with him when I get out so his parents can check on getting the kids. I am so over whelmed with who is going to drive my kids.

I will offer any help to you I can even if it is just to talk. My surgery is on Oct.1st also. I have to do a lot at home myself and I bet you are a very strong person so you can handle it.

I will be checking in on you if you need to chat. Be strong and know like I do now that we are not alone.

Best of luck...

OH TX!

You sound like a survivor. You can do this. Family is not always what you'd hope they'd be, but there IS someone who will help you. You have to go out on a limb and ask. And be specific. Maybe there's a teenager who lives nearby who can come over after school. What about new mother programs through local community centers? If you're in university or college, then chances are you go to class with lots of students who don't yet have kids. What can you trade for their time? Editing, proofreading, help during finals....

Many of us survivors would rather chew nails than appear weak or in need of help. Think of it as asking for help for your kids, not you......

Big hugs from me to you. I'll be having TAH on October 1st also.

G

Hi! Welcome to Hyster Sisters!

I'm sorry you're facing surgery at this time.

One of the things which we really strongly suggest here at Hyster Sisters is getting at least one or two additional medical opinions before consenting to a hysterectomy.

In your case, I am a little confused as to why you're actually electing to have this surgery. As you can see from my signature line, I also had a large hematoma -- but it was not the reason for my hysterectomy, but rather a complication resulting from it. Even after the hysterectomy and the hematoma surgery, I'm not pain-free. In fact, right now, I'm longing for my heating pad and morning to arrive so I can take more pain medication.

I've never heard of having a hysterectomy either for for a hematoma or for adhesions, although I'm not saying it's not a possibility.

I totally understand a desire not to have any additional surgeries. But I would also caution you against removing healthy organs if there's something less invasive or drastic which might solve your issues. In your case, your doctor has suggested surgery to help with the adhesions. This sounds reasonable, although of course the surgery itself could lead to more adhesions.

Removing the uterus and/or ovaries carries a whole list of rather serious possible outcomes, including immediate surgical menopause, sexual dysfunction, and, worst of all, the possibility that you'll still be in pain after the procedure. I can't stress that point enough -- you could still be in pain after this surgery, and there's absolutely no guarantee that it will be your last surgery.

If you still have pain after surgery for the adhesions, you can still consider having a hysterectomy down the road; however, you cannot undo the hysterectomy once you have had it done.

I don't want to sound like I'm second-guessing you -- far from it. I'm just trying to get as much information as possible on your situation.

As for how to handle having surgery with limited support, it is possible. Many (((sisters))) have done this on their own, and while it probably isn't ideal, it can be done with some planning. I do wish you the best, no matter what you decide -- and remember, we're here for you whenever you need us.

Wow. Thank you all so much for your kind posts and all of the information. I'm in Dallas, TX.

I will be getting a second opinion from another doctor in the large OB-GYN practice. I may also go see my surgeon from a few years ago, who is an oncologist.

I had a uterine rupture with my second pregnancy. I then had some heartbreaking miscarriages. My OB was very concerned about how my uterus looked when he performed the c-section with this past pregnancy (which was a lovely accident). There is a lot of scar tissue everywhere again. From what I understand, my uterus is in pretty bad shape and not a healthy organ. I've had problems with scar tissue since my first pregnancy and they have only become worse.

I know that my OB wants to get back in there, clean me up, and put some type of film or substance on things that is supposed to prevent or minimize adhesions. I'm sorry, but I don't remember what he called it. It was two words together, like Steri-film or something like that. He wants to tie my tubes and get my uterus out while he is in there.

He has not done a CT scan or an MRI, only physical examinations and delivering my children via c-section. This last c-section took quite a while because there was so much scar tissue.

I just don't see this procedure as elective? If there is something I'm missing here, please tell me what else you would look at if you were me? I don't want to have big regrets, but I can't live in this much pain. I can't even stand to be with my husband, which just absolutely breaks my heart. I have got to do something. Is there another procedure out there that I should be asking about?

My aunt had some of the same issues and died a few years ago after laproscopic surgery that was supposed to take care of her adhesions. I've had laproscopic surgery and think it's great when it's performed by someone competent. But I honestly don't know if my OB is skilled enough for me to feel comfortable with him going in laproscopically (although he did offer that as an option), and the fact that my aunt died this way just makes me very reluctant to go this route. Since I don't know all of what's going on, I feel more comfortable with my OB going in and taking a good look at everything for (please, God) one last time and trying to fix it.

Thank you so much for all of the support. I am so grateful!

(((TXSongbird))) I'm sorry you feel you have no other options at this point.

I would encourage you not just to see another OB/GYN, but to seek out the opinion of a surgeon who specializes in pelvic pain and adhesions.

Unfortunately, some women are predisposed to forming adhesions, and they can form after ANY pelvic surgery, even one intended to get rid of adhesions. The films and gels (there are several) can help sometimes, but they are not a guarantee. Normally, if you were looking to have a procedure to take down adhesions, a hysterectomy would not necessarily be a part of that. I gather from your second post on this thread that the hysterectomy is because your uterus had ruptured previously and is not "healthy"? What about your ovaries and tubes - are they covered in adhesions as well?

I strongly encourage you to take your time with this decision. Not all women find that having a hysterectomy fixes all their problems. Same with surgery for lysis of adhesions; we have women on our Road Less Traveled board who are several years post-hysterectomy and have had several surgeries to take down adhesions since, and still must use pain management to function.

Speaking of pain management, have you tried a pain management clinic yet? They can be very helpful, much moreso than a "regular" OB/GYN, in finding a med or combination of meds that relieve your pain and enable you to go about your normal daily activities without resorting to surgery - and remember that any surgery carries some risks, which means that while you might have a good outcome, there is no guarantee.

in there! Best of luck with whatever you end up deciding to do.

s,
-Linda

I honestly can't tell you what the right decision is for you. I am 29 years old with a 3 year old and a 5 year old. I am 3 weeks post-op from a LAVH. If you do end up having your surgery if I was in your position I would go out on a limb and ask for help from your church. I know it may be really hard to do because I was just in that same position a few weeks ago.

My mother did not support my decision to have surgery so even though she still had around 4 weeks of vacation left to use this year she wouldn't take it to help out. I ended up calling my former Pastor's wife who had had a hysterectomy before I found this website and she strongly suggested that I should ask some of the ladies from the church to help with my children. I ended up just talking to our Pastor and we had more volunteers than we needed for the first two weeks of my recovery and even the first part of the third week. They even surprised us by bringing in food three nights a week the first two weeks.

I hope everything goes well for you and you find the answers you need.

Oh sweetie. ((hugs))
If I were you, I would talk to the women in your church. Is there a women's league of some sort in your church? Reach out to one of them and you will be amazed at how they can help you if they know you or not. Meals, minding the kids, housework, anything and you can get the help if you ask. A lot of the elderly women would love to do this, they know what it's like and maybe not even have their own grandchildren near by so would just dote on your kids while you are healing. Talking to the pastor is a great idea too, they are there for you.