I'm a wreck & surgery isn't until 04/28

I am a wreck! I will be having a total hysterectomy losing everything on 04/28. I lost my Mother to ovarian Cancer 10 years ago & she was just 51 years old. One of my biggest "problems" is my husband. He thinks all women have this done. No I told him, only if something is wrong. He hasn't asked me about it at all. I am very sad & depressed & anxious over the whole thing. I am also being treated for a chronic pain condition after surgery in my neck. That failed & I swore that I would never have another surgery. Now I'm faced with proper pain control & scared that something will go wrong. I don't know anything about menopause. I'm learning through the internet. It sounds like I will be thrown into full blown once the surgery is done. This scares me horribly too. My husband just wants to do the nasty dance all the time. He doesn't get it. It hurts, but I guess I don't complain enough so how would he know.
I know this is a very jumbled post. I'm sorry. I just have so much going through my head right now.
Support & any kind words of advice & wisdom would be greatly appreciated!

IMHO you have come to the best possible site for support and information!

Re: Hubby. Have him read the HysterMister website information. That will help him understand more about what you are going through. Also take him to your Pre-op appt with your Dr. Have the Dr. review exactly what will be done and how and exactly what your limitations will be post-op (lifting, resting, walking, sex,...)

For you, just read all the pre-op information and continue to post your questions. Stay away from the post-op section. It will freak you out as most posts are from the very small % of ladies having problems. Most of us are recovering pretty easily and spend our online time talking to ladies like you so you won't be a wreck!

We are all here for you and will do our best to answer your questions honestly and openly. You aren't alone.

I'll be thinking of you on the 28th!

Allmypains, I am sending you a big ((((((HUG))))) so, sorry you are dealing with this. Sometimes people just don't understand until they walk in your shoes. That is why I am so, thankful for this wonderful site. I know it is scarey to have another surgery as you can see I have had enough of my own. Maybe your hubby is just nervous, and doesn't know how to deal with his feelings? I hope he comes around to give you support you will need. Take care and good luck. Keep us posted on your condition and your hubby situation.

You can ramble and have words all jumbled here, that is okay. Actually you can ask/say about anything you want. I have asked and if i haven't asked someone else has.

I am sorry you lost your Mother 10 years ago. Having lost you Mother to ovarian cancer and then going through all this might be a bit much on anyone.

A hyster is a scary thing, and up until the day of your surgery you go through about 1,000 different emotions. Like i said "it's like riding on a roller coaster without a safety harness".

My surgery April 13th. I was a hot mess at first..crying and crying. The i wanted to learn everything i could...then i kinda fell into "acceptance and peace"...and guess what, this morning i woke up in PANIC! So it is like a crazy roller coaster ride.

Give your DH time. Mine is finally coming around. I think they need time to "think about it". Not to be mean, but i feel men are slow, they need at least 24-48 hours to think about this and let is soak in. Sometimes LONGER.

Take him to your next appt, let him hear what the doctor has to say. It helps too if he has "guy talk" with the guys and they tell him to pull his head out of his butt cuz their wife had the same surgery!

Not sure what to say about the nasty dance. Other than NO means NO buddy.

Give yourself some time to wrap you head around this...it is a lot to take in!

Its okay you don't have to worry about rambling here..ramble away dear! We all know how scared you feel. We are all here for you. What you are feeling is completely normal. You wil get thru this and will be a stronger person for it.

I felt the same way right to the day of surgery. If it wasn't for this site and the great friends on here I would not have made it.

When the day of surgery came I was very calm. I'm 5 weeks post op now and everything went great and I feel like a new person.

allmypains...
you have gotten some great advice, just wanted to say read read read on here- the articles and the preop section. Good advice to stay away from the post op for now. oh and do try to take your dh to the dr. I did and that was so great! I am going to take him to my 4 wk check up this week cause I want him to hear that I am still supposed to be treated like a Princess!!!!!!! I have been feeling so good and have great mobility that they kind of forget that I am still recovering from major surgery!

Good Luck and keep us posted!

~Sue
LAVH/BSO

All those feelings that you are going through that are making you feel like a wreck are very normal. This is major surgery and we have all been scared, angry, sad, etc. as we prepare for it.

Like the other ladies have said, this site is wonderful. You will find so much encouragement, ladies who understand or sometimes share the same situation, etc. Please come here when you need a kind word or just want to ask questions. Thanks to this site I didn't feel so alone as I went into my hysterectomy.

Wishing you the best!

Hi welcome! This site has been a godsend to me, I hope it will help you too! I had all the same concerns before my surgery (3/25). In fact I was a basket case for 5 weeks prior! By talking with these ladies I was able to get through it . My husband was also the same, until he caught me crying a lot and realized how upset I was! Before the surgery he did a 180 and started helping me and supporting me. We've actually gotten closer because if this mess, when your husband sees what's going on he will come around it just takes them longer. Losing your mom to a female problem is probably causing more feelings to come up for you than most. It's going to be ok, everyone here is so kind, they will be your sounding board. Ask alot of questions especially the dumb ones. The more you find out about what's scaring you the more your mind will be eased. We're all here for you. Kirstin

I am a week behind you. Yes, when you have a cancer experience prior no one seems too get it. My husband actually said "women have this surgery all the time". They do not understand and I had too come to "Grips" with that unfortunately. I don't have the energy to argue with him or let him upset me anymore. Don't worry about being jumbled. I am too. This is scary for those of us that are facing this. I am trying to do more things independently. For some reason, this is helping me be a little stronger. It predominates all of my thoughts and it most likely will continue until its over. I hope this helps a little.