Scared Almost to Death

I have been following this site for months now, beginning prior to having my hysterectomy scheduled. My surgery was scheduled for the 29th of this month (full hysterectomy due to severe endo). I am home today from the hospital following an attempted suicide. Someone please help me! I didn't understand how much I was attached to parts of my body that cause me so much pain. My husband, although understanding and supportive does get it... sometimes nor do I. I know I have so much to live for, but feel so alone.

please begin to read the post op section of this forum so you can read real life real time experiences from those of us who've already gone thru this. Then continue to see your mental health professional and make sure you are taking any prescribed medications without fail. There are hundreds if not thousands of women on this site at any given time, and you can read their posts almost by the minute, some had their surgery today, yesterday, the day before, last week, two weeks ago, last month, six weeks ago...You will see how great of a community this is..how supportive we are to each other and if you have not another friend or family member in the world to talk to you can come here and vent, and know that many people are reading and praying for you. Having this surgery is the best thing I've done for my health ever and I can't wait to begin living "the New Me!!"" You can do this, be strong and have faith!
HUGS!!

sweetie...

You're not alone. Everyone is scared to some degree. I am 5 days post-op and am having a very easy recovery so far. I have virtually no pain.

I understand about losing the girl parts. But as I said to another sister, you will still have much of the equipment that makes you a woman - your breasts, your vagina, your clitoris. Our femininity is so much more than what our organs dictate.

I didn't have endo - I had cervical cancer, and despite healthy ovaries, I decided to get rid of the whole plumbing system due to my age and family history of cancer. (I'm 48). I don't know what it feels like to have endo, but I can tell you that 6 years of perimenopause and the extreme symptoms I had were debilitating and I am looking SO forward to having my life back!

I would suggest maybe seeing a mental health professional who can help you sort through some of the issues that are coming up for you. I believe that this surgery isn't something you should take lightly or without a lot of insight. You can't get that insight if you're overwhelmed. A clear head and a positive attitude will make for a better recovery!

you hang in there - and remember - we're all here for you!!

--Pam

I too understand the feelings of being overwhelmed. I have had female problems most of my life, starting with cryo at age 19 due to abnormal pap (pre-cancerous cells), a life of irregular periods with months (as much as 10) between periods, ovarian cyst, endo, and now a TAH due to a large fibroid on the 22nd of this month.

All that said I sort of knew this would probably come up some day, and I always thought I would be okay with it. But when I was told I really needed to do this now, I still felt overwhelmed, and had to take a while to think about what it meant, and talk to family.

The point I am trying to make is YOU ARE NOT ALONE! Keep reading these posts, there are 100's of thousands of us, and we all can understand your feelings. Talk to people, your health professional, family, friends, even people in these forums.

Hang in there, and I will say a prayer & keep a positive thought for you. Hugs and best wishes.

--Kat--

You are definitely not alone, we are all here to support you. Attempted suicide is serious so I agree to talk with a mental health professional to get your thoughts in order and find out what is at the root of how you are feeling. I did not have endo, nor lots of pain prior to my surgery, in fact i had no pain, my surgery was due to a cyst that turned out had taken over my ovary to the point not much was left (found that out after surgery). I already lost one ovary due to another cyst so they removed everything as i would have no ovaries left. I must admit to feeling terrified and scared of things being removed and how i would feel afterwards....At first i felt who am i, them i realized that i am still me, some ppl have tonsils removed, some have their appendix removed yet they are still then. Women who have had breast removal to cancer are still who they were prior to surgery...They are just a part granted a little more important however they are just a part of who we are, after the surgery we will still be women, with feelings, desires, only for those who were in pain no more pain and in fact some ladies have more desires and better sex lives. I have not yet had sex since surgery that is coming up and am looking forward to it

Please talk to a professional to help, post here to vent, read posts to see how we all have fears and have come so far...we are there for you

healing warm hugs to you

You are definitely not alone, sister! At least 600,000 women a year (in the U.S. alone) have a hysterectomy. You are more than the sum of your parts. We all are. Being a woman is as much a spiritual journey as a physical one and that journey never ends. After the surgery, everything will feel the same to you on the exterior: vagina will feel same, the clit, etc. If you have your ovaries removed like me (history of family cancer in the plumbing area), there are some excellent natural hormones that will make you feel good as new if not better. I feel like I've been given a second chance at life due to my hysterectomy. One of my fibroids attached to my uterus was closing down my rectum. If I hadn't had the surgery and the fibroid continued to grow, I would end up dead. Back in 1900, the average life span for women in the U.S. was 48 years old. I'm guessing it was because hysterectomies were not common. If you had a fibroid or cyst closing something off, that was it. You were dead. Thank God for hysterectomies. Thank God for a second chance at life, a rebirth. I hope this for you as well. You probably like all of us have darn compelling reasons to have a hysterectomy. It will help your life, save your life. I encourage you like these other ladies to work with a mental health professional, to take any medications to help with depression, and see your femaleness as something that can never be taken from you no matter what organs you have or don't have. God bless, sending you a big hug.

I'm very sorry you are having suicidal thoughts and have made the attempt. Hopeless is a very scary place to be - I know.

I'm not a psychologist, but have suffered chronic depression for some time. I'm also the parent of a child who attempted suicide. I am fairly certain that the fear of surgery is just the tip of the iceberg and was simply the catalyst to your actions. I strongly urge you to seek intensive therapy through counseling and a psych evaluation outside of the hospital ER setting. Your life depends on it.

Best Wishes, Lila

Hello!!! I hope you are feeling better after your mishap. I am 33 yrs old, I jusy had everything taken out due to an enlarged uterous (reasons of it being enlarged unknown). fibroids, endo, cycts constantly coming and going plus bursting all the time and they kept getting bigger. I was in constant pain for the past 3 years been dealing with it all for the past 5 years. Last July I bled for 15 days. The doctors kept having me try different things and nothing was working and nothing took the pain away not even for a little while. I went to several different docs. I kept telling them that I wanted a hyterectomy due to all this runs in my family on both sides. Finally I met a doc that listened and helped. I had my sugery 4 days ago and feel better already. It may seem scary but it is better for my health. I hooked up with the sister only 2 weeks before my surgery and love this site.They are here for support even when you feel alone we are here for each other. I was kinda scared when the day came closer however it was not as bad as I had thought. Just hang in there.