not doing good today...

Okay, what else is going to go wrong.

They put my dad in the hospital yesterday (my parents are 1 and 1/2 hour away). He has leukemia and went thru chemo for 6 months, and finished in August, now he has had shingles for the past month and now have hospitalized him for complications, they have put him on Morphine for the pain, and basically can't really do anything for him. My mother looks to me for all her strength and support, and I just can't give it to her right now.

I am trying not to be selfish but I have to think of my surgery 1 week from tomorrow. She called me yesterday all in a panic, and you would have to know my mom, she is a negative person and does not see the good of any situation. I have to calm her down. She said to me, I have to call your brother cus I need some support here. I feel so guilty cus I did not jump in the car and go be with her. But I just can't physically right now. I am wiped out from all what I am going through and I don't think she understands.

I talked to her this morning and she was better. My younger brother came as soon as she called, he also lives 1.5 hours away but he is single with no family and it is easier for him to drop everything and do it.

I asked her if I should come home and she said, it was up to me. Okay so that was a major guilt trip. I really don't think I can this weekend, it is the last weekend before my surgery and I have so many things that I need to do. And the last thing I need is to be around a hospital where there are sick people.

I am sorry ladies, I just needed to vent.

I am really down today....

You poor sweetie!!!

I wish I could tell you to stop feeling guilty, but I know it doesn't work like that! I am proud of you for taking care of YOU. Your younger brother seems more than willing and able to help right now, and as the ladies say here all the time, you only have ONE chance to heal correctly, and to be prepared and rested, for that matter.

There's also the important fact that you do not want to catch any cold or flu or whatever right now.

I told my hubby that is was "me time" right now and he was going to see a selfish side of me that he has not seen before!

Your father knows you love him, and your mom will get support from your brother. You simply cannot be everything to everyone all the time. Now it's YOUR turn!


JMHO

Please take care of yourself!

I'm so sorry for the weight that's on your heart right now. In our weariest moments, God wants us to draw close to him. Look at our Father in Heaven as a daddy who's willing to cradle you in his arms right now if you let him. Thinking this way has helped me so many times through my life.

God Bless you and your family and take care of yourself and love your mom through this, she has a right to be a little selfish and down too.

Maybe I can help a little here. I was pretty sick when my late father went into the hospital. His partner called to let me know, said I could come if I wanted but to please take care of myself first. He said that no matter what my father would want me to take care of my health above all. It's hard in situations like these but you have to do what you feel is right for you. I'm sending you a hug and thoughts of strength. Listen to your heart and do what you feel is right.

Kim