so angry

Well here's what's going on. I Have a small still in diapers child and my mother in law watches him twice a week when im working. I had LAHV on the 16th and Sunday night right before I needed her to watch him she calls my husband and asks if im not working now... his response well no she just had surgery and is recovering, she then proceeds to tell him that she can not watch him this week and since im home it should be fine for me to keep him!.......

Ok that might be hard to follow but im so honkerblonked I was told a 10 pound weight limit and not to bend over... she's making me sound lazy and like a bad parent. But really if those are my restrictions how the heck am I supposed to change a diaper? And the reason im so upset days later is when this phone call happened my husband didn't tell me anything because I was already crying about no one caring enough about me to check on me or help me. Ugh ok ill stop thanks for reading my drama. ;-)

Ok that might be hard to follow but im so honkerblonked I was told a 10 pound weight limit and not to bend over...

Bahahaha honkerblonked is my phones way to auto correct <please do not attempt to override the censor!>!

You have every right to be honkerblonked off ! I'm sorry that you have to deal with inconsiderate people on top of recovery. My heart goes out to you. I had enough trouble recouping with no little ones to care for.

I was wondering what that was..lol I've seen that word on here before...

Maybe you could explain to your mother in law about your not supposed to be lifting anything. Your husband should have told her actually...
You are NOT lazy or a bad mom...you just had major surgery and are on restrictions.
I'm so sorry you are going through this. (((hugs))) I wish I knew what more to say.

I'm sorry MIL is being that way. I feel like my family had a hard time understanding my restrictions too! I have four kids under 7, the youngest is still in diapers. I think day 4 post op I was left on my own with all four. Only for a couple hours but it was so hard. Lucky for me, my one in diapers didn't poop and Daddy changed her right before he left. It's really hard to recover and take care of kids!
Unless somebody has had a hyst, they can not understand it. That is what I have learned most from this experience. Well meaning friends and family comparing a hyst to this or that or talking about who they know who had one... drives me crazy. They don't know.
I would be upset too, but since it's his mother I would tell him to call and explain to her your restrictions and maybe teach her the word empathy while he's at it.

Hyper blonk the mil don't count on her...get a friend or family member or church member to help...you need to rest and also the bending and lifting the baby will not be good for you..love and (((hugs)))...you could also get a part time nanny for the baby who could also help with housework?

	Quote:
Originally Posted by surviving.hell Bahahaha honkerblonked is my phones way to auto correct...

Actually it is not. The site censor either replaces censored words with nonsense words or a string of *****. When that occurs, we ask that members not try to override the censor to use the censored term(s).

I hope you will be able to work things out with your MIL. Who has been watching your child the days your MIL isn't helping? Could that individual help on the other two days? Is there a neighbor, friend, or teenager you can call?

One thing we have seen over and over again here on the site is that when we are recovering we assume people know we need help and will help us. However, many of us have found that we have to call family and friends and say, "I need help with such and such, can you do it?" We have found that many assume they will be a bother so they are waiting for us to ask for help. If anyone had offered to help, they could be waiting for you to call and say, "It's time!" so you might start making calls to all of those friends and family members!

in there!

I have a difficult MIL as well. It is disheartening when the people who are supposed to be our support are not. Do you have anyone else you can call to help? People from church maybe? I've also been going through the unsupportive friend thing and I did reach out to a few people to let them know I was struggling and it was worth it (mostly). I got a lot more support and while I feel like they should have known and asked me if I was ok, I also realize that people are busy with their own lives and sometimes have a hard time thinking outside of themselves.

I have had the same problem only with my own mother. She came to help and I knew that when I asked her it was not the right decision but either way it was a no win situation. She would either be hurt because I didn't want her here or she would drive everyone crazy when she was here. She came and I was right, drove everyone crazy and didn't really help out without making comments that SHE needed a maid! Anyway, I sent her home this past Saturday. She didn't like it, but I am doing so good and I didn't want anymore stress.
I also feel the same about friends or family calling. It hurts that no one does. No family has called to check to see how I am except for my brother who lives is California. The people who have called and visited are my daycare kids and their parents. Which I loved! I miss those little people. I feel I shouldn't have to call and find it weird to say" hey, just wanted to let you know I am going good". The world is a crazy place to live nowadays. Hopefully you can find someone to help you out with your toddler. I am hoping I am good to go with changing diapers at 4 weeks. I don't know though. Good luck

I agree with the above statement about trying to get outside help. Have you thought of maybe hiring a nanny for a short time? Is there a teen that just got out of school looking for work that you know of? Maybe vacation days the hubby can use? Or he can look into FMLA? Sorry that you feel blue. You aren't a lazy bad Mom. You are a healing Mommy that need help. Hope you get help or something mentioned in this trend works for you. =] xx

	Quote:
Originally Posted by surviving.hell Well here's what's going on. I Have a small still in diapers child and my mother in law watches him twice a week when im working. I had LAHV on the 16th and Sunday night right before I needed her to watch him she calls my husband and asks if im not working now... his response well no she just had surgery and is recovering, she then proceeds to tell him that she can not watch him this week and since im home it should be fine for me to keep him!....... Ok that might be hard to follow but im so honkerblonked I was told a 10 pound weight limit and not to bend over... she's making me sound lazy and like a bad parent. But really if those are my restrictions how the heck am I supposed to change a diaper? And the reason im so upset days later is when this phone call happened my husband didn't tell me anything because I was already crying about no one caring enough about me to check on me or help me. Ugh ok ill stop thanks for reading my drama. ;-) Ok that might be hard to follow but im so honkerblonked I was told a 10 pound weight limit and not to bend over... Bahahaha honkerblonked is my phones way to auto correct <please do not attempt to override the censor!>!

My mother in law faked a cold so she wouldn't have to come visit. My husband asked her to because he had to leave town. She called a day or so ago and said she had cold. I could tell she was faking a stuffy nose and cough. She never has truly cared for me, but thank goodness I have a great husband I know exactly how you feel... Makes you mad!