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I'm afraid to have sex. I'm afraid to have sex.

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Unread 06-02-2011, 01:52 PM
I'm afraid to have sex.

I had a TLH ( kept my ovaries.) on April 13,2011. I was cleared to have intercourse again at my six week post op appointment, in fact it was encouraged.

My husband and I tried to have sex when we got home from the appointment because I was craving sex. But it didn't feel right, it burned and I think he hit my new wall and I started to hurt so we stopped.

Since then I have no desire to have sex because I am scared. I try to relax my mind and not think about if it will hurt but I must not be doing something right because I can't clear my head enough to try again.

Before my surgery I honestly could not get enough. When I was recovering and on pelvic rest my desire to have sex went up and while I was allowed to certain things as long as there was no insertion, it wasn't the same and I didn't get relieve.

I feel bad for my husband, while he has been nothing but supportive of me and does not pressure me to do anything I don't want to do. I feel so much guilt because of it.

Has anyone else experienced this? If so what helped you overcome it, or did you overcome it?
I really just want to be able to have sex again, because to me the emotional connection I have with my husband during sex is important.
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Unread 06-02-2011, 02:12 PM
Re: I'm afraid to have sex.

I am 10 wks post op and we've had sex 3 times because I'm still nervous. I have been on top twice and missionary once. We used ky jelly, that may ease your burning. As for nerves, I told my DH that it was all up to me and he is like yours, very supportive but I guess verbally saying it to him made me feel more in control and comfortable. It usually is a mind over matter issue so think to yourself I am still healing, this will pass and try on a weekly basis. If it still isn't better, see your dr. Good luck to you. I've been where you're at.
Unread 06-02-2011, 02:13 PM
Re: I'm afraid to have sex.

Think we all feel scared when facing sex in the beginning - I was cleared middle of April and I'm still terrified in case it all goes horribly wrong. Poor BF keeps being told to slow down, be careful, don't do that - it's like getting instructions on your driving test. Luckily he can laugh at it which is just as well.

Just remember that it's going to take a while to relax enough and know it's not going to hurt or cause problems.

I'm sure your DH is understanding enough to realise that and you'll have to spend more time of the rest of the lovemaking not just the actual intercourse.
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Unread 06-02-2011, 07:42 PM
Re: I'm afraid to have sex.

Thank you both.

My husband has been very understanding. I think it helped that he went to me pre and post op appointments with me and listen to what all the doctor had to say and what could be expected. He is just happy knowing that all the pain I've had seems to be gone now and is very grateful that I had the surgery.

He deploys next month until next year and I want to be able to have relations with him again before he leaves, but I don't know if that will happen. He might not care if we do but I do. Sex was a huge part of our lives before my surgery and now it's not. It makes me want to cry myself to sleep because I know he wants too and I want too and yet I just can't and it's not fair to him.

I know that I will hopefully get over all of this but for now I can't and it makes me second guess my choice to have the surgery in the first place.

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