do husbands really get it??

A question for those who have gone before... do the husbands really get it? I am married to a wonderful man - he is great if I do say so. I am sure that he will be supportive and caring through this procedure, but I dont know that he really understands that I will need time to heal. He has notified his work that he will be taking off a week to help me at home - I think this is good? I am not used to having him around a lot due his schedule. He is very used to me handling life without his assistance. When I am sick I keep going - Moms do not have sick time. To back track a bit - we will celebrate our 6th anniversary this week. When we married he was a single father of 3 boys and I was a single mom of 2 girls and 1 boy. We raise all of them full time and I have always worked a full time job until several months ago. He is a big tough x-football player and all around athlete. When he is in pain he laughs and keeps going. We have never really gone through a major illness or injury together, and I just wonder if he will really understand or just think "well, it's been a week why aren't you better?" I am sure it is hard for most men to comprehend the idea of female issues, they dont have the pleasure of cramps or periods, or child birth - they just know they are glad not to have them. So what is the verdict? Do they hang in there with the support and concern?

Libby
I just wanted to say say thier are some that do and mine is one of them. We have been married 2 yrs both our second marriages. He has never not seen me in pain so he was grateful for the surgery . He even said today how nice it was not having to worry about me being in pain. So try to give him the benfit of the doubt you will be surprised how great he will be .

After an adjustment period the first week out of the hospital, my husband has been wonderful - very supportive and helpful. He is also used to me looking after everything, (married 28 yrs), but I think he is actually enjoying being a bit more in charge.

Try to get your expectations worked out right at the beginning, and I think it works out best. Even though I couldn't do big things, I tried to do little things that I know mattered to him - ie - getting the coffee ready to go before I go to bed so its ready in the morning, making his lunch, etc.

This is not to say that you won't occasionally drive each other nuts

Libby
I must admit I am worried about the same thing. I have just started going out with a guy about 3mnths ago, he is a father of 2 (DS &DD), 1 of which is in his fulltime care and I have my 2 sons full time. He has been so supportive so far. If the ones we have fulltime care of had their way we would live in one anothers pockets. Yet the thing that scares me is maybe he wont be able to handle to see me the way I will be after surgery. I am a very active person, he has seen me at a low point but after the op it will a hole new ball game. You see I like to get in and play with the kids wrestle and takle them and him too....lol.
I guess all I can do is wait and see and take things as they come and deal with it as I need to.
BEing in a marriage I guess it would be alot harder. the thing to remember I guess ti that he has been there for you so far, would he do anything other than support you. I know I make jokes about the pain I am in at times but when I see someone else in pain I am a very different person, perhaps he too will be like that.

Just my thoughts
Take care of yourself and keep your chin up
best wishes
Ros

I don't think I quite get it, so I know for sure he doesn't.
Oh well!

At first, my dh certainly didn't get it. He thought I'd be up and around in 10 days or so.... But after doing some Internet research of his own, he decided that my 16-year-old dd should come stay with us while I was home recuperating to help with the 4-year-old ds.

To his credit, during my entire recovery time (and, quite honestly, even now when I'm dealing with some nasty complications) he has never once chided me about anything. No "Aw, honey, shouldn't you be able to cook by now?" or "Isn't it time to start doing some chores again?" He did not expect me to lift a solitary finger the entire time I was home. If he, dd or ds didn't do it, it just didn't get done. (I should add that we do have someone come in and clean, which is a luxury I'd highly recommend if you can afford it while you're home!!)

In other words, he came around admirably. I hope yours will, too. I do think that it's hard for guys to see us hurting or sick because this is something they can't fix. At least that was the case with my dh.

to you. Hope things go well.

I have been married for 14 years. My husband has been awesome. Im 9 days post op and so far he has not let me lift a finger. I do stay home all day alone so I sneak and do small stuff. I think he's heard horror stories from some of his friends at work about what could happen if I do more than I should and he's afraid for me. He said Ive taken care of him for 14 years and now he can take care of me...I'll let you know in about another week and see where we are, ha! Its surely a hard thing to do, watch them work while you sit on the couch.

I was afraid of the same thing......I'm not married but I do have a SO that has lived here for almost 2 years. He has always been use to me doing everything, that I was afraid he would expect it after I had the surgery. I am 5 days post-op and all I hear is don't you dare do that....you better take your butt back over there and sit down. He has been wonderful...he told me tonight that I better NOT do anything I'm not suppose to till the doctor gives me the go ahead. Now my 13 year old DS is another story...he wants to know just when I can start driving him and his sister to school....and just pretty much play taxi again. He was NOT happy when I told him it would probably be another 10 days at least. Oh well that's a teenager for ya.
Libby I wish you ALL the luck and hopefully your DH will be just as wonderful.

'S Shan

Libby,

It sounds like you'll be fine... if he's been great so far, he should be great with this.

I think that this surgery has brought me and my sweetie closer... we aren't married, but we've been living together for 4 years, and have either been dating or been best friends for over 8 years now. I can't imagine anyone else being by my side right now, and he wouldn't let anyone else be there.

He's done so much research, and I think that this afternoon, he pulled the husband of a friend of mine aside... she's had her hyster already, and is doing wonderfully. I think Sal pulled Rick aside and asked him about what he could do to help me, what to expect, etc. When we were driving home tonight, he seemed to have a new outlook on the whole thing. He's terrified, and won't be able to relax fully until the doc declares me completely recovered (he has nightmares, apparently, about me bleeding out during the night, and him waking to find me dead! Wow... I don't even have THOSE dreams!)

It sounds like, if you just let your hubby know, point-blank, what you need from him, and exactly what will be happening and WHY you'll need his help, he'll be fine with it. He might not understand, or get it, but as long as he does what's needed, and supports you, does he really have to? -grin-

FiberGeek

Yes, some men really do get it!!!

It's helpful if you can keep a positive attitude as much as possible, communicate what you need, and ignore the little things that really don't matter anyway. Keep reminding yourself that you will get better, it just takes some time.