I've had it!! (venting)

Im glad you can come here and vent. This is a great place to do it since this is where we all are releasing our fears openly.

My boyfriend is the same way. He would react the same if I had presented him with life insurance papers. He was scared to death himself prior to my surgery and he'd do his best to keep himself preoccupied. He worked double the hours and said it was to prepare for the time he needed off during my recovery but we arent in the situation financially to require that. I knew he was just trying to keep his own mind off of it all. He knew better than to let me know how he felt because it would have just gotten me more flustered. After all....he is my ROCK.

He and I had a fight or two also. I yelled the same things at him...that Id have my sister take care of me, that I didnt need him. I accused him of not taking it all serious since he never even read the pamphlets or information I brought home, and he'd never sit with me when I researched online. We had our two lengthy discussions about whether or not we wanted children. One was to voice our opinions, feelings and decide......the second was a few weeks later to verify our decision. Ultimately he left it up to me to decide which procedure I wanted based on our decision to not have kids.

Im not going to lie.....my boyfriend didnt like me visiting this site. He told me I was getting all worked up over the "WHAT IF's..." But on the other hand he knew this was my chosen method for educatiing myself, venting, and preparing. He supported the good I got out of this site....but he didnt like the fear it instilled in me. I was having nightmares at night. And everything I was scared of and told him about made him worry more too.

It all just came down to him protecting me, caring immensley for me, wanting to support me, wanting to keep his and my feet on the ground, and him being UNABLE TO CONTROL what was going on. Men just have that need to FIX anything that goes wrong with us. They cant handle when something hurts us that they cant control or take charge of to eliminate as hour HERO's.

Our boyfriends and husbands love us ALOT. I think they are at a loss for what to do and how to do things now. I imagine if my boyfreind were in the same position as I was then....if he presented me with life insurance papers......Id react the same way. I love him so much. At a time when Id be so scared and terrified....Id not be able to handle life insurance papers without careful planning on how to bring it up to me.

I didnt realize how much my boyfriend was scared until after the surgery. My hospital handed out those goofy flashy, vibrating discs that you get when waiting in line for a table at a restaurant. The first flashy buzz was to call me for surgery....the next was for him to know I was out of surgery and it was his time to be with me. He drove the nurses UP THE WALL and got honkerblonked off over that stupid contraption. He had to carry that thing around for about three hours, staring at it, feeling it, waiting an eternity. He told me stories of how someone CODED while I was in surgery and scared him to death,,,and then how he watched the surgeons come out to another family and not give them good news. He went BERZERK!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BLESS HIS HEART!!!!! I AM SO LUCKY TO HAVE A MAN WHO CARES ABOUT ME THAT MUCH!!!!!!!!! The goofier they act.....the more we know the NEED US too!!!!!!

Your words of wisdom are so true!!! The goofier they are, the more you know they really do care. Rationally they know, but it is the emotional part they have difficulty dealing with or expressing.

Have faith, your DH will be there!!!

you are sooo right feistybb! They just are not going to show emotions until absolutely needed because they are our ROCKS!

	Quote:
Where do you get those fun icons????

To be able to get the funny icons, go to control panel at the top of your screen and then go to edit options, scroll all the way to bottom where you will see OTHER OPTIONS the first option under that is Use vBCodes quick links on your message input screens? Click Yes.
and then you can change your font, bold, insert quotes, smilies, all kinds of fun stuff.

s you guys are great! Although I had my surgery in May (and I am doing great by the way) I totally know where you are comming from. These posts could have been mine. My dh (shouldn't that be d u h, lol) was exactly the same way. Even today, he acts like nothing ever happened to me. I know that it is his way of dealing with it all and I knew that he would be that way beforehand because I have had to have other surgeries. For this reason, I enlisted my mom's help for a couple of weeks after my surgery. No one knows how to take care of me (like Iwant to be taken care of) like my dear old mom. It was so nice to have her there, I don't know what I would have done without her. I know that a lot of you ladies don't have your mom around to help out and I am sorry for that. But, maybe you have a really close female friend who is willing to help out. You know it wasn't until I had this surgery that I began to realize just how important the friendships I have with other females are. Don't get me wrong, I love my husband to death, but there are just some things he won't ever understand about me like my girl friends do. Like how I absolutely HAD to get my downstairs hallway painted before my surgery. I mean it was a must. My husband thought It was crazy how I was staying up late getting it all done and my house all clean, drawers and closets organized before my surgery. I was seriously stressing about the what ifs and being prepared for them. I already had a great life insurance policy intact so, naturally, I had to make sure my underware drawer was clean and my closet organized in case I died, lol! He just didn't understand that and I know all you ladies do. Thank god for this website, it has been a wonderful resource for both my educational and my emotional needs. I love you all!

teal large My husband is the total opposite,he is always talking about the what if's and just in cases..and he is the one that is more worried then me,of course I will be in a week,the night before and the morning of Ill be a wreck,but thats natural,but his down fall is that he worries to much....but as of right now he is all I have,I'm fighting with my mother and my sil so im sure all the help ill get is from him..

But most of the time men just want to fix everything and if they cant fix it then the deny that there is a problem and shrug it off like there is no big deal...Just hang in there and Im sure that he will be waiting for you and to take care of you!! days ahead

Mine bounces from one to the other. He has a disc problem in his neck so he's really unsure on what he can do to help because like me he has some really bad days and good days (he's going through PT). So it's bounce bounce good days bad days, anxiety/sureity. I wanted to write a will since VA law is a little odd and we are moving there (in some cases in VA, if the wife dies the first in line is her parents, not her DH!). At first it was, there are other things that are higher priority...now it's a priority, and I'm trying not to say "I told you so", or maybe "is this just the opinion of the moment?". Doesn't want to know about the actual proceedure, but then wants me to get a guarantee from the DR and the hospital that they know what they are doing, all recovery times, risks (and he wants it from them, not from me). It makes for an interesting household.

Thank you ALL for your replies!! I couldn't believe it when I came home! I think he will of course be there for me, I just have to keep my cool. I've laid kinda low since I've been home from work, haven't said much and I think that is best for now. Thank you all again!!! This is why I love this site and you ladies!!
Rachel

I will be praying for you that everything smooths itself out. This can be a trying time for everyone involved. As other people have said I wonder if this is way of letting out his frustrations. I wish you luck and as I said before I will be praying for you.

OMG i can relate to this. my DH just asked me how long till i am back to normal? whatever that is!!!???!!! that actually was the most conversation about this surgery that i have gotten. and how true it is that they get stranger than usual when things are out of their control!!
i know from his mom the best MIL in the world, that he is very upset and nervous about all of this. but he does not care to talk about it. i know he will be there for me and will be helpful, i just wish he would open up and talk!

Rach, I am sorry you have to worry about this with your other concerns. I so understand your frustration, anger and I am sure hurt. Two years ago I had cancer and when I told my husband that it was indeed cancer, he walked right past me! No hugs, no comfort, nothing. Unbelieveable! I am anxious to see how my surgery goes, I have let him know I will never forget his lack of support. I had many tell me that was his way of dealing, too darn bad, I NEEDED HIM. I was the one who needed to deal, I was so alone. I work at a wonderful bank, they sent my gf from work to be with me, I drank beer and took a few valium, i was fine. Be strong for yourself, stick to your plans to recover elsewhere, they sure don't like when we give them the same junk they give us. We are here for you, wish we could help more., Good luck to you.