Can't Let The Emotion Out

I FEEL SO SCARED!
IT EVEN SEEMS LIKE MY HEART IS SKIPPING AROUND.I KNOW ITS NERVES, BUT I CAN'T SEEM TO LET GO OF THE FEAR.


MY FAMILY SAYS I AM BEING REALLY QUIET. BUT I HAVE NOTHING TO SAY, ITS HARD TO LET MYSELF EVEN THINK ABOUT WHATS AHEAD, LET ALONE TALK ABOUT IT.


MY WHOLE BODY IS SHAKING INSIDE, I TRY TO DISTANCE MY THOUGHTS FROM IT ALL. BUT I CAN'T BECAUSE, I AM SO AFRAID IT FEELS LIKE MY WHOLE LIFE IS IN THE BALANCE, AND I AM SCARED TO DEATH OF DYING WHILE IN SURGERY.

HOW CAN I POSSIBLY GET TO THE HOSPITAL THAT MORNING, NOT EVEN TO MENTION HOW CAN I GET THROUGH PRE-OP.

I AM SO AFRAID OF NOT WAKING UP!

I HAVE READ SOME POSTS ABOUT COMPLICATIONS, HEART STUFF,BLEEDING TO MUCH DURING SURGERY.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO. I WANT SO MUCH TO HAVE IT OVER WITH, BUT I DON'T KNOW IF I CAN DO THIS.

I WONDER ABOUT WHEN THEY WHEEL ME OFF TO THE O.R., WILL THIS BE THE LAST TIME I'LL EVER SEE MY HUSBAND AND DAUGHTER. I AM A BASKET CASE!

I have had the same fears off and on. All I can do is offer to read your posts and empathsize with you....haven't been through it myself yet.

Am waiting for Monday to come anxiously....feel like at least when I wake up...even if I am in pain....I KNOW what pain is...it's the unknown that bothers me....so I am reading lots here and honestly,

it's made me feel much better. Hope this helps a little...

Big Hugs to you,

And lots of prayers and positive thoughts.....Akwarrior

PS...I watched a sad movie last night and had a good cry...it helped me feel a little better.

This will be my second surgery, but when i had surgery the first time, I was scared out of my wits. A million times a day I had the phone in my hand, ready to call the doctor to cancel. I survived it! I've talked to alot of women who have had hysterectomies, they ALL were scared about the surgery, but ALL of them said that the the quality of their lives were so much better after surgery, NOT a ONE regrets it. Your not alone in feeling that way, I do too. I just wanted to let you know that there are alot of women who feel that way, and that I'm here.
DH

AKWARRIOR & DELILAHHONEY THANKS TO YOU BOTH, FEAR OF THE UNKNOWN IS WHAT I'M PROBABLY GOING THROUGH. I AM THE TYPE OF PERSON,WHOS WANTS CONTROL OVER EVERYTHING , TO DO WITH MYSELF AND MY FAMILY.

THAT WAY I KNOW WHATS GOING ON. AND THERE WILL BE NO BAD SURPRISES. I'M ALSO A SUPER WORRIER, IF IT CAN BE WORRIED OVER, I'LL DO IT.

PLUS THERES BEEN ALOT GOING ON IN THE PAST MONTH:

MY SISTER _ IN _LAW & HER 3 KIDS , HAD TO LEAVE THEIR HOME ,BECAUSE MY BROTHER_IN_LAW IS SO ABUSIVE.
HE TRIED TO KILL HER, BEAT HER UP, HELD A GUN TO HER HEAD, AND BURNED HER ALL OVER WITH CIG.

THEY'VE BEEN IN HIDING, TRYING TO ADJUST TO A NEW HOME AND LIFE. THEY ONLY HAD THE CLOTHES ON THEIR BACKS.

MY FAMILY HAS BEEN THERE , WORKING AT THE NEW PLACE. BABYSITTING ETC.
THIS HAS TAKEN A TOLL ON MY NERVES TOO.

THEN MY UNCLE IS HAVING OPEN HEART SURGERY.

MY ONLY CHILD IS GETTING MARRIED IN JUNE.

MY LIST GOES ON! I THINK EVERYTHING TOGETHER IS JUST WAY TO MUCH TO HANDLE!

Missy,

I am so sorry to hear about your emotions taking over. I can honestly say I know what you are going through.

I went through the exact same thoughts as you did. I was scared and all I could think about was my DH and kids. This is all normal. None the less, it doesn't feel very good.

During the few days before my surgery, I found myself trying to be really strong and quiet around family and friends. Especially around my kids. I regret, though, not taking some quiet, private time for me to be calm, to have a cry and to release some emotional stress. I wished I had done this for me. There is nothing like a good cleansing cry. And....it's okay to do it.

Try to keep yourself busy if you can, while giving yourself some down time too. I know that no words can REALLY help with what you are going through. I heard people say..."YOU'LL BE FINE"......"HOPE ALL GOES WELL"......"BE STRONG". It was their way of trying to be supportive and I thank them for it, but in reality it, at the time, felt like "just words". It was hard for me to compute.

But, I will say this to you....try to think about the positives. Hopeful for a better, pain-free life, more energy for your daughter and husband, a happier you.

I wish you the best of luck! PM anytime.

Hugs,
Sarah

Hi ladies - I feel exactly the same way you do! I'm always the one running "the ship" here, with 2 teenagers, the house, etc to run by myself.

I think my kids are in for a rude awakening when I come home from the castle and EXPECT them to pamper me!

I had another pre-op dr appt today, went well, now have an additional surgeon, so will be 2 doing my hyst... I have kept myself busy scrapbooking memories, and it's really helped! I feel unbelievably calm waiting for next Friday. I just hope it isn't all pent up inside and I turn into this big crying emotional ball while they're wheeling me in!

At this point, this is the only place I want to discuss my hyst, I'm DONE talking to my friends (I feel like they think I'm a big whiny baby), dont want to talk to my boss about it anymore (I feel like he's being nosy) - seems like everyone within a 50-mile radius of me knows about it!

I'm tired of people's hollow comments - you know the ones - "oh, you'll be fine", "oh so-and-so had it and was fine a couple weeks", blah blah... I just want to rip their head off...

I just want to say to them "yes, I KNOW it's a very common procedure" ,but it's the ONLY ONE I'll ever have! Everyone seems to think that since it's so common, it's no big deal...sheesh

Well, most people don't know my surgery's been rescheduled, so I think I'll play a little joke on them & show up Monday to work...when they all are like "what the heck are you doinjg here?" I'm going to tell them I had my hyst that morning as an outpatient and I'm already fine & dandy

OK, that was ranting, sorry, I'm now...

Hey, lkystrz!

I love your post! I'd love to see the look on the faces of the people at your work if you showed up on Monday and told them you had your hysterectomy!!! That would be hillarious!!!

Thanks for making me laugh! I guess I'd better get my laughing done before Monday. After that, I hear it hurts!

Dear Sisters,
I'm so sorry we all have to go through the trial of waiting and battling all the fears, unknowns, doubts, and questions that keep coming up. I haven't done very well with it at times either. I nearly canceled the whole thing several times. I don't feel that bad. I keep forgetting what I've been told and why it needs to be done. I can't wait to know what the doctor finds during surgery. I guess I'm looking forward to feeling justified for having the surgery. I even worry about that!
My heart goes out to all of you as you struggle to cope. I can identify completely. I don't talk much about it to anyone either. I feel like they don't understand. That's why I come to Hystersisters. I know you all understand.

Best wishes always. Please try to get some rest. Keep writing. We will all try to encourage and see you through!

Cinderellen

As more and more people at work hear about my upcoming surgery and start asking questions, I finally decided to just tell them I was having a boob job. They look at me like I'm crazy - but the laugh is good for me!

I'm also quiet and withdrawn, as much as everyone will allow me to be without constantly asking me if I'm alright. It is a good idea to try to find time to be alone and think and cry - whatever helps you prepare. I even wrote letters to my children , husband, and closest friends - that helped immensely.

My surgery is almost here - Tuesday, Jan. 25.

Okay I don't feel so crazy then cuz I got tired of answering the same questions 33 k-zillion times so I started telling people I was going to Cozumel for 6 weeks the looks on their faces was priceless. One co-worker I'm really close to had alot of questions to answer herself cuz many of them went to her to ask if I was serious.
AMRA

Sisters, I am a nurse in an ICU and even I am scared witless! I had an emotional breakdown standing at the soda machine on Friday night. I had been fine before that then I just started bawling! I think for me it's the whole lack of control that has me upset. I'm the one who goes in and gives shots, and suppositories, and makes people get out of bed. Now, I'm going to be the patient and I don't want to be! However, I don't want to put this surgery off either. I don't think I could handle waiting too much longer!