Any childless hystersisters?

I had my hysterectomy four months ago. I don't have any kids. Not that I'm against having kids. It would of been nice if it worked out that way, but I never been one of those women that just have to have a child. I noticed since my hysterectomy, the sound of crying babies drives me nuts! I was in a room yesterday with a child and carrying on and I really felt like I was going to jump out of my skin if I didn't get out of that room. Kids have never bothered me before. I wonder if it's psycological. And my breast feel so big my surgery. I wonder if they had my surgery confused and gave me a breast enlargement surgery. They make me feel awkward. Just few weird feelings I've been having since my surgery.

I don't have children and never had the chance or a real relationship. Since my surgery last feb I had gotten very close to one of my guy friends that has helped me deal with this. But since his mom has pressed him about having children he has pulled away fom me. Now I can't have children and am loosing him. I have nothing! A few friends but they are busy with their family and my family is busy too with their own kids/spouses. I'm drowning and ready to just go away from all of them

I've been struggling with this too. I searched through past threads and found a lot of women in the same situation. It was helpful for me to read through the threads even though they were old.

I was one of those women who always wanted children but didn't want to do it until I was sure I was ready. I have a masters in early childhood education so it feels like a cruel trick that I've finally scheduled my TAH & BSO for next month.

I think it's normal for our nerves to be shot in general and I have to agree that there might be something lurking below the surface for you. It's a basic human need to be generative. For a some people for sure, that doesn't include children; maybe they're driven to career success or driven to enrich their lives with their significant other but I really do think between the hormones and the surgery, it's possible you're grieving more than you realize on the surface. I know I am and I'm pre-op.

We did fertility treatments so I've been dealing with the idea for a while but I don't think that changes much. My upstairs neighbor has a new infant and there isn't one sound I hear that doesn't garner a double edged reaction. I tear up, I'm angry, I giggle and feel hopeful -- roller coaster. I used to love all the sounds kids make -- I get dizzy just writing this!!! It's totally overwhelming.

When this is all over we hope to adopt but for now, I know I need to allow myself to grieve the loss of my hypothetical children as though they were real bc to me, they really were. Had names picked out and everything. Sad & difficult thing we're facing. I will never see my husbands beautiful eyes on our children -- not in a vain way but in a way that would connect them to his mother & her mother. I will never see my Dad curly hair on my baby or laugh about the weird quirky physical traits all families pass on.

BUT I have mourned many people in my 41 years and I have always come back to center. I truly believe I (we all) will survive this and thrive and I hope you can find some support in that. Sending healing vibes to you

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Originally Posted by TB12fan I don't have children and never had the chance or a real relationship. Since my surgery last feb I had gotten very close to one of my guy friends that has helped me deal with this. But since his mom has pressed him about having children he has pulled away fom me. Now I can't have children and am loosing him. I have nothing! A few friends but they are busy with their family and my family is busy too with their own kids/spouses. I'm drowning and ready to just go away from all of them

I'm so sorry about your lack of support. I dont' have a ton either but my husband is sticking around thankfully.

I hope you can be really vocal about needing more from your family and your boyfriend. Just because you can't have children biologically doesn't mean you and this man couldn't adopt or use a surrogate. Maybe you could help him and his mother understand. I'm glad you're reaching out here at least and I hope these people step up and that you can remember this has nothing to do with you.

I've lost a lot of people since I got sick and I have to keep reminding myself that it's all about their inability to cope with their own fears not anything I've done or deserve! Stay strong and cry when you need to. You're not alone!!!

Hi there! I'm 56 years old and was never able to have children. It was a major factor in the end of my marriage. My exhusband married a much younger woman and having children right away. It hurt for a long time. I work with children and for awhile that made it really hard

But now I feel fine about it. While my friends are wrangling teenagers and college bills I'm traveling and have lovely quiet time when I need it. Peace really does come. Working with kids now it's more a grandmotherly feeling

That being said the sound of whining and screeching upsets anyone's nerves
You're still recovering and some irritability is normal. You may want to talk with your doctor about whether a hormonal adjustment would be helpful. And make sure your getting enough sleep

So--you're not coo-coo-- but normal!!
Hang in there

And oh gawwwd... are you saying my boobs are gonna get bigger??? My hormones say I'm already in menopause so I'm hoping this is it but man do I feel your pain there. They are SO in the way and my clothes look totally different. I suppose it's a good thing in a way though, my belly is so swollen from the mess that needs to be removed that I'd have no figure if my boobs didn't grow exponentially!

Hi all. I'm 31, childless, and bound for a hysterectomy.

My husband and I have been married for years. He never wanted children, I knew that and accepted that as part of the deal... but the difference here is when the CHOICE is taken away from me... it makes it a lot harder. Growing up, I've always assumed I would have children. I too had names picked out and wondered if they'd have my (and my grandfather's) blue eyes that everyone comments on...

I thought about adoption and putting myself on a waiting list now. My husband and I have a great relationship. His biggest fear is something will happen to me if we had a child and he'd be left to raise the baby alone. I have a heart condition, among all the other things wrong with me, so it would make it difficult. I told him he watches too many movies

Thanks for creating this thread.

AmyVenus, I know exactly how you feel. DH and I were on the fence if we wanted them or not. I have a long history of spine injury and surgeries and for the longest didn't think I could have kids because of my spine. Then I got the ok from the neurosurgeon, and so we started to think about it, and getting into planning. Then my diagnosis of monster fibroids and the hysterectomy and now the choice is no longer ours and that's what stings. Now the question is whether or not to explore adoption options.
Susieq13, I can relate to what you're saying. Sometimes I see television shows about babies, or see kids in public, or listen to just about everyone I know talking about their kids and sometimes I'll feel sad or wistful or longing, and others I just get annoyed, as though I never wanted kids before. I'm only 5 days post op, but I've been wrapping my mind around my new sans-uterus life since I accepted I had to go thru with the surgery. My feelings have been going back and forth like that ever since I set the surgery date, so I think at least for me it was a psychological response. You aren't alone in it, tho.
TB12fan, please don't give up hope. Believe it or not, some guys don't really want or don't care about having kids, and some are open to alternatives like adoption. One of them will find his way to you, and you can explore your options for your life with him. Life isn't over after a hysterectomy. As for your friends, I can relate. All my friends have children or uteruses (is that the right plural? Uterii? I dunno...) and can't relate to what I'm going through. If it wasn't for this site, I'd be absolutely bonkers. Don't drown, hang out here and let us help you stay afloat. We all know what you're going thru here, and we care!

Hi all. I am grateful to have found this thread. I am 43 and childless and am facing a possible (I guess probable once I admit and accept it) hysterectomy. I found out in 2010 that my fertility was waning, but the clinic was happy to help me conceive with donor sperm (I was single at the time). I hemmed and I hawed over what to do. According to their statistics I had a 4% chance of having a child. But I was alone and could not wrap my head around the idea of the donor sperm - and then of course spent time feeling sorry for myself because I was not in a relationship, etc...

Now, almost 2 years later, I have been diagnosed with atypical hyperplasia and have been told that I need a hysterectomy. The cruel joke for me is that I finally met a wonderful man 10 months ago who wants and loves children. Because of my age we decided not to use birth control from the very beginning...after about 6 months I decided that it was time to get serious and consider IVF so we started talking about the options (he is 12 years younger than I am). At the same time I had started cramping badly and on a daily basis and bleeding very heavily for days during my periods - which had started to last for 12 days or more.

They removed polyps from inside my uterus (no cancer there) but found the atypical cells during the biopsy. This was like a slap in the face since my BF and I had just started to get serious about our IVF options, I had started acupuncture and plant therapy a couple of months ago and just had a lot of hope building up.

Now, as many ofthe women here have said, the CHOICE, is being taken away. We hadn't talked about adoption (again he is much younger than I) even though I've thought about it often. I wanted to take it one step at a time. He's a good man and I know he loves me, but I can't get over the thought that if we stay together I'm taking away from him. I can't give him the family I know he wants. I don't want him to stay with me because he feels guilty, I know he is a grown man and can make his own decisions.

This is all fresh news to me - I can't look at a pregnant woman without tears in my eyes. I can't look at any of the photos of all of my friends new babies (and there are tons of them!). It all breaks my heart and the kicker was watching my BF touching the pregnant belly of a friend of his to feel the baby kicking. I wept silently on the inside knowing that I would never be able to give that to him.

I'm spending the weekend alone hoping to grieve a bit and get some of this out of my system so that I can go home stronger and less hysterical. I can't imagine the toll this is taking on him as he's also trying to be the strong one and voice of reason.

Thank you for listening and for this site.

Paris2012

Oh Paris, I cried reading your post. I actually just wrote you a long not but it got bumped because I put a link to the RESOLVE site. It's the national infertility organization and I've gotten a ton of support there. They don't only have info on treatment and advocacy but also resources to help you get informed and decide about adoption and/or childfree living.

My hub is 5 years younger than me. I almost pushed him away and I'm so happy I didn't. We talked about using a surrogate with my eggs... no go. Then a surrogate with just his sperm, but he didn't want that. Now he just wants me to be healthy enough to enjoy our lives and coparent with him if we can adopt or foster. Most days I want the same thing.

I know it's a terribly difficult thing to think you're taking away from someone, but I know at least my husband wouldn't be any happier losing me than he is losing our hypothetical children. We are grieving together which is just the hand we were dealt. I wouldn't leave him if he was ill and though it feels more complicated than that with the added element of the children, it's really not.

I hope you can grieve when you need to, find the strength to stay connected and when you can't, I hope you'll come here and let us remind you that you didn't do this to yourself or to him & we are still worthy of love even without our lady bits My surgery is April 9th and I truly hope people will keep reminding me of this! Keep in touch, Pamela