Feeling emotionally disconnected from dh

I'm in need of some understanding. I'm in my 5th week post op, and am feeling emotionally/physically rejected by DH.

Make a long story short. DH wanted a divorce Sept. 05, then found a girlfreind. His affair lasted about 10 months, which was total "BLEEP" for me. He broke it off with the "BLEEP BLEEP" almost a year ago (Aug. 06) (as far as I know......I quit spying on him, it wasn't worth the stress.)

We went to marriage counseling in Sept 06, his spirit wasn't there, but I can tell you my PMDD was in high spirits! LOL Between both, counseling stopped. <can't imagine why?? lol lol > Since then we have just been working on it ourselves to keep the marriage going. Now.....add into all of this unwanted stress, my uterus making me sicker than a dog, inactive, and plain ole ornery and it's a wonder we are still together!

He has been wonderful to me throughout the recovery, treating me like a pampered princess to a T, as far as housework, shopping, kids, ect., I get quick hugs & kisses, and MAYBE cuddling IF we are in the bed at the same time LOL ......but to go through a Hysterectomy with our marriage already being emotionally & sexually "up in the air" is really starting to wear on me. With all the limitations on what we can do, the thing we (I) seem to do is think, wish, and want! He's so busy doing all of the "chores", his thinking is soooo far away from my emotional needs. My six week is coming up, and I feel so disconnected from him, I'm not really sure I'm excited at ALL about sex. <frown> I'm happy takin care of myself. <frown>

We've been together for 27 years (high school sweethearts), and I throughout all those years was NOT an ANGEL.....so I'm not looking for sympathy....what goes around comes around right??

What I do need to know is if ANY of you sisters out there are feeling "extra" emotionally needs from your DH's or DB's that they just don't seem to give? Or.... is it just me? I have this nasty fear that some other woman is out there who is more than willing to "take care of my DH" , and I'm not able to! I hate having all this time on my hands to think! LOL Anyone else feeling this way? I feel sexy, but then I look in the mirror and see my body & say "OH MY GOD, who is that????? LOL LOL

I love the honesty from all of you on this site, and to me it has been a "priceless" life line! HUGE HUGS to all of you!

Sherri

Hi (((Sherri)))
This is tough, I'm sorry you're having to deal with this while you recover. I think it's normal to feel extra needy in this area of wanting to feel secure and loved. I didn't have any of your problems and still needed to express to my dh that I needed some extra holding and closeness.

Your body will heal with time, but I think these heart issues with your honey need to be talked about so you aren't tempted to sit and wonder and maybe fabricate a problem that isn't there. Emotions can be all over the place during recovery. It sounds like you're needing reassurance that everything is ok and that he's there for you. Learning to nurture the tender, closeness without sex can be one of the best things that can happen in a marriage. When you are completely healed and can connect physically again, you'll have a stronger base of committment proven through this difficult time.
I hope you can talk to him about this and that it will all work out for you. If you need to go back to the counselor I hope you will do whatever it takes to make your marriage work.
's, Rita

Maybe try a different counsellor in the short term - maybe one who knows about post-hyst issues as well?

Hospitals often have social workers or other people who do some counselling. Maybe your doc could set you up.

There is still the trust that DH has to earn back, and that you have to feel. That has little to do with the surgery, and will take time.

I am glad he is being so good to you. If you suggest counselling again, tell him it is also for your post-surg recovery emotionally.

HUGS and good luck!

If you look under the Forums menu below, there is one called "Dear Honey".

I happened across it, and suggest you check it out. Might be worth doing for your own benefit, if nothing else.

Rita & Arly3,

Thanks so much for the words of your advice. I did approach DH on counseling again, and I interloped the reasons being for the marriage AND my going through the hyster / surgical menopause. I think the reason for surgery / meno helped take some of the "heat" off from going because of him......he called a counselor yesterday, and is waiting for a call back to set up an appointment! WONDERFUL advice Arly3! Thank you! Actually, I know I need counseling for myself to deal with everything that is on my plate right now so I am looking forward to it.

On the exaperating side of things......LOL........I hope that ALL DH's arn't this frustrating but....lol.......when I told DH that I could use counseling to help me deal with surgical menopause he told me I was NOT going through menopause. Arrgghhhh He said I'm on HRT's, so NO menopause! Arrrgghhhhhhh <Trying to smile but absolutely dumbfounded with him> Within minutes, I had an article of from our beloved "HysterSister site, that explained to him what surgical menopause was......in which he returned my dumbfounded look! <I laughed my rear end off>

Hopefully on my way to "better days"!

Thanks again, it's nice knowing its not just me that feels disconnected from my DH!

Hugs,