Can I Do This Alone??? and ... Incision Question

Good Morning,

I'm now worried .. cause I have NOBODY to help me, the insurance refused home health care or nursing of any kind .. and I KNOW my husband (we're separated, but he still sees me and does shopping if needed) will NOT be good to care for me. He is impatient, NOT empathetic in any way ... gets angry easily and hurts me emotionally more than helps.

My 2 sisters here can't help.. one is raising her 2 grandbabies and one is a premmie ... the other one is working full time and well, trust me .. she is NOT kind and is not the person that would be good for me.

I know husband will clean litter ... IF I bug him enough, and get groceries ... but that's about it.

I'm very sad and depressed and upset about this ... and not sure if I can go thru with surgery .. or if I should, knowing I have nobody to help.

Can I do this alone??? Will I be ok alone? Will I be ok to do whatever it is I have to do to take care of myself?

I'm 53 years old and have chronic fatigue, fibromyalgia, and other health issues .... and that all scares me.

About the incision: doctor said he would do a bikini cut, I'm having a SAH. Does this type of incision take a long time to heal? If I'm given antibiotics prior to surgery, will that cut down on the chance of infection in the wound? I have mitral valve prolapse, so I will be given meds post-surgery.

Does the incision hurt allot for a long time? Anything you can provide to me about the incision would help, I've never had MAJOR surgery .. with cutting before, only tonsils, hemmroids and d&c's.

Thanks so much for listening ... I really wish I could have a group of you with me during this time!

Hugs,
Dee

Bumpity Bump!

Hi Dee,
I personal could have done it all by myself. I got everything ready before hand so there was nothing to do but rest and heal Im sure you will be fine. Freeze some meals you like in advance. All I needed help with was groceries and floors and since you live alone your floors should stay clean . Maybe someone from the church can come by and you always have us this site is the best help Iv'e ever had.
Your hyster sister gulfgrl

I don't know how much help I can be, but I can only tell you of my own experience...I was almost 50 when I had my surgery this year. My daughter still lives at home with me, so I wasn't really "alone" the entire time. However, I found that once I got home from the hospital, figured out how to get in and out of bed, up and down from the couch, etc. I was able to do for myself. I was alone during the day, and did just fine by myself. Everyone is different, and some have more difficulty than others. As for me, my recovery was slow, but I had no additional complications, so I just took it one day at a time. I am one of those people who likes to be alone when I am not feeling "up to par". Some people don't like to be alone when they are recovering...I think that is an individual preference. If you don't have anyone to help you, I would definitely plan ahead. For instance, my daughter and I went shopping before surgery...I stocked up on all essential needs, made sure I had meals that would be quick and easy for me to pop in the microwave, had plenty of stamps, and thought out everything I could possibly need for at least 3 or 4 weeks...that way, I wouldn't need to go anywhere or bother anyone with bringing me something. It worked out great! I didn't feel like driving for almost 5 wks, so only did if I absolutely had to. I personally didn't have any problems. I made sure I followed my dr's orders, and I was very careful. However, it would be nice to have someone to call if you need something...and if someone could check in on you from time to time, that would be good.

As for my incision...I was cut from hip to hip. I had no problems with it healing. No infections, no oozing, no problems. I will say this, though...yes, it was very sore and still have some tender spots. That is something that just takes time. In fact, the incision was the only thing that hurt during my recovery. Just be sure to keep it clean and dry. A hair dryer (on cool/low) works wonders for keeping the area dry.

Sorry this is so long. Hope it helps a little. Best wishes!

The incision does not hurt that much. In the hosp. you will have plenty a pain medication to control the pain. Just don't do like I did and not hit the pain pump enough, and my pain got away from me. On discharge from the hosp. I was given a prescrip. for Tylenol #3, and only used it once. The incision area will be tender, but not painful. I often kept a pillow on my incision, it just feels better that way.

I was supposed to have help but really did not other than the day I came home from the hospital. If you have had a D&C then the pain of the incision (I Thought) felt about the same, cramping and stuff.) I did not feel it was much worse. But people are different. Yes you will be uncomfortable but as everyone else here has said, plan ahead. Have meals ready to heat up, clean house before and have clean jammies out and up where you don't have to bend to get to them. Anything you need you will want to put at least at counter height so you do not have to bend. Have extra pillows for tummy support. You will have lots of peace and quiet so you can get lots of rest which you will need. Take it easy.Try not to stress over it, surgery is hard enough to deal with without extra stress. Good luck with your surgery hope all goes great. We are here for you. Hyster sisters love you and are here.
ConnieK

Making meals ahead of time is a great idea. Buy milk in half gallon containers, it will be easier to lift. Maybe you could have your sisters call you and check on you for the first week at least. If you are dizzy in any way, do not try to shower unless someone is in your house. Stay on top of your pain meds. Keep something to drink, your pain meds and the telephone close to you wherever you are resting. Getting someone from your church to check on you is a good idea. Good Luck to you

Hi Dee,

If you prepare and plan in advance you can do this with very minimal help.

There are some things that you will need help with like the cat litter and transportation to the hospital and appointments (just until you have the clearance to drive if you are up to it). It sounds like with the proper prodding you do have some folks who could help out when you really need them to.

I live alone, my family isn't close by and most friends don't live real close either. I'm also very independent and don't want to burden anyone. Some things I did in advance were:

• Arranaged to have a friend's 12 year old taking care of my cat litter, mowing the lawn and taking the trash to the curb.
• Stockpiled cat litter (the pet store clerk must have thought I was crazy or had a herd of cats)
• Stocked the freezer and pantry with easy to cook items.
• Stockpiled clean laundry so it would last as long as possible (since I live alone nobody cares if I'm sitting around in the stained or torn clothes I usually paint or do yard work in).
• Put things I needed in spots where I could reach them (remember no bending).
• Bought one of those grabber things to pick up things I drop.

The only other thing I would suggest is that when someone brings you home from the hospital, I would have them work with you so you can figure the best way to get in and out of bed. Putting a chair or something else to help pull yourself up on could be very helpful.

My SAH/BSO on 09/26 was the first major surgery I ever had too and the incision hurts much less than I expecting. With the pain meds it hurt very little and is now more tender than hurting.

Best wishes and s

I too have fibro, as well as asthma, PVT, etc... I am younger but have had two C sections and a lap... Although I had a little help, I tend to do for myself instead of ask for help... It is much easier to do things myself than ask my DH...So, just be positive, try to relax and concentrate on relaxing those muscles that flare up w/fibro....I have always gotten around and done things myself on all three occasions that I had surgeries...The main thing is to stock up now on groceries, easy things to eat...Meds, and organize....Have everything where you need it before you go to the castle.

Thanks bunches guys!!!

Just got back from doctor's, and he answered all 20 of my questions with patience and kindness.

I feel I can do this now ... it's just scary. I guess with all the emotional stuff going on with my husband, it's made me very sensitive, more worried than usual and ... I'm also entering menopause now according to bloodwork, and everything just seems bigger than it is.

I think my biggest concern is healing, both inside and out ... and the way my husband tends to hurt me ... because he's very cold and gets very angry very easy .. even at the slightest 'feeling' of any kind that I might have ... and tears and fear are weakness to him, and even if I get the slightest bit upset ... even if it's over something REAL not imagined, that he does .. he acts like I'm the worse woman in the world .. and no other woman would be like this. Also, he gets this stone cold angry look on his face whenever I get upset at him in the least ... and that just kills me .. cause I can't even be a 'woman' .. or real person around him .. it's truly hard.

UGH ... ok, had to get that out.

OK: so this is what I've bought/done so far -

new pajamas

granny undies (lol)

slippers

gas x

a few new pillows

a wedgie pillow for bed

borrowing a 'walker' from a neighbor (just in case)

basket for everything I need near bed and couch (meds, glasses, etc.)

paper plates, cups, etc.

Med chart

thermometer

wheelchair to come home in (2 flights of stairs) will have husband bring me up in elevator

coloring my hair this week

got lip balm, lotion, mints, comb, toothpaste and brush, pads, cosmetic bag, for hospital .. pillow in van for ride home.

chocolates for nurses

I still have to get groceries and cook and freeze meals, buy convenient foods, snacks, etc. I have a six pack of BOOST, the nutrition drink/shake. I'll do laundry the day before, and change bed linen ... also make sure I have enough litter, toilet tissue, etc.

I think I have it all under control ... I THINK! LOL ... let me know if I'm forgetting anything.

Soooo glad I found you guys!

Hugs,
Dee