dVH/RALH I am in my own personal Hell....

So a little over 6 weeks ago I had my dvh and bso done. But during that surgery my right ureter was kinked by my surgeon. It swelled shut.l My one night in the hospital turned into 4 days. After a few xrays and an IPV I was told I had passed a kidney stone and it cause my ureter to swell. I was sent home. 4 Hours later my Husband had to rush me back to the ER, I was in severe pain on my right side. After a CT scan and some pain meds I was told I had a severe case of hydronephrosis. Which is a build up of fluid on your kidney. They admitted me that night to observation. The next morning a urologist came in to see me. He gave me to options and one was to have a stent placed into my ureter to open it back up. The other was a tube in my back that connected to a pee bag. I opted for the stent. So I yet again had to go back under anesthesia. I woke up in excruciating pain. I went home the next day, than 2 days later my GYN calls to check on me. When I explain everything to him he tells me they tried stenting me while he had me on the operating table. He didn't tell me that until that moment! WHY!!!! I was so angry! I still am... So here I am 6 weeks later with this stent, in pain every moment of everyday. Ya wanna know what the kicker is? I had a CT scan done a month before my dvh bso and my kidney is perfect no stone. You don't develop a stone in a month either.... So instead of him owning on the fact he made a mistake he has used every excuse he can. My urologist even says that my GYN messed up bad. Here I am at the 6th week of my 6 week stent. They dont wanna remove it yet cause my ureter is STILL swollen! So now I have to wait another 6 weeks to see if I need surgery to fix my ureter. If the swelling is still present I will have to have surgery to fix it. The risk of that is I can lose my kidney... Wonderful huh? I am so depressed and angry. I cant take care of my kids, they dont want me bending, lifting, walking much. My kids have to spend the week with there grandparents while my husband works all week. They come home on the weekend, but they are getting more and more upset that they cant be home. I am upset too... This is all causing fights between my husband and I. I cannot take much more of this.... Please has anyone had this happen!? If so please tell me what you did.

Not to mention because I have been on so much pain medicine lately I now pop up as a drug seeker in hospitals... Great huh! I was told this at last hospital where the doc told me I was wasting his time and he didnt wanna do anything for me. Please note I have a nasty UTI that I have been on 3 diff antibiotics for and I was completely outta pain meds thanks to my pharmacy not sending my insurance a per. All I wanted was new antibiotics, but nope... I did get my pain meds fixed the next day thanks to my insurance yelling at my pharmacy for me. But that doc in the ER has pushed me beyond depression...

I feel like I am drowing... Fast....

First off, I am so sorry this is happening to you. It does sound like hell. Now try to do some slow deep breathing. I know, it sounds absolutely weird but believe it or not it will help. I haven't had the same problems you have but have had a lot of them. Try doing some deep breathing and relaxation exercises every day and it may help to reduce the stress you are feeling.
I would report that doctor. That attitude really ticks me off. Give me a break. Anyone would be in pain with this happening. Find out who the patient relations person is and complain. That is not ok.
I don't know the age of your children but you may want to sit down with them and explain what is happening. They are probably scared and see you in pain. If you tell them in age appropriate terms what is happening you may find they can understand. This has to be stressful on them. And your husband needs to get some common sense. Right now, you are still having MAJOR medical issues. The absolute LAST thing you should be doing is taking care of children. Even without this, they limit bending, stretching, pulling,etc. It can rip out your stitches and cause internal problems. And you would be surprised at how much you use your abdominal muscles for simple things.
It sounds like you have a good urologist. Stick with him/her. Hopefully the physical problems will resolve soon. Sending lots of hugs for you. Is there someone you can talk to about this. A counselor can really help deal with all this. It sounds overwhelming and frustrating and everything you can name. It is perfectly normal to be feeling so stressed. I fought against going to a counselor for a long time but have now realized how much she helps me. Obviously, she can't fix all the medical problems but she can help me to deal with them.
Sending

OMG I'm so sorry you're having to go through this. I hope everything turns around asap for you

Strika -

It is depressing when you realize that you have fallen on the side of the statistics that are experiencing issues, no matter what those issues are.

You don't say how old your children are but are they old enough that you can talk to them and explain what is going on (at an age appropriate level)? I don't know if there is anyway you can get some in-house help that would be able to keep you resting but get the children back in a familiar environment with mom around. However, the first course of action needs to be for you to take the time to try to heal and get ready for whatever is next.

You should see if you can find a counsellor to speak with. You have and are experiencing a trauma and having someone there to help you through it can be very beneficial. My counsellor was one of my major lifelines through my whole experience. It may be that your husband might need to talk to someone. He may feel depressed and angry because he can't fix this for you.

I know I can't fix it but I can send prayers and that you find the strength that you need.

I have a 2 and 3 year old... They dont really understand. They just want mommy... I appreciate everyones nice words and advice. I am gonna look into finding a counselor. I know I need to rest and take it easy. But its very hard for me to do.... Thanks again

So sorry you have to deal with this. I have been in a similar situation years ago. Very sick and young ones not understanding what's going on. It is good that you have family to step in and help, priceless. You, your husband and children are going THROUGH this. Yes, it is so difficult, but please try to think ahead to a time, maybe a year from now, when life will be normal and manageable again for you. The children are very resiliant, mine don't really remember mommy being so sick 10 years ago, but at the time it was awful scary for all of us. You just do whatever it takes to recover. Try to remember our husbands are not always going to be supportive and they can feel very helpless knowing this is out of their control. One step at a time. This is something you will recover from, do what you have to do for now. Keep posting, we care.

Hi Sweetie,

you've gotten excellent advice and so glad you will seek out a counselor. You need to take care of yourself first , begin healing, etc. before you can again go back to caring for other. I think your husband might benefit from counseling too. Cancer affects the whole family and if allowed can be very distructive too.

Pls keep us posted. I'll be holding you in prayer and sending positive thoughts your way too.

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I'm sorry that you are having so many problems. Keep your chin up. Hug your kids, maybe one of the granparents can come stay at the house and help.

I'm sending prayers and hugs.