A letter to my family - post op people please help too!

Hello all! My surgery is not until June 5th, but my husband has asked me to write a letter to my parents "just in case." He is less religious than my family and does not want to have to deal with any issues in case he should have to make the choices we have discussed with Life Support. (I want it, just not if I am in a vegitative state forever.)

I am not sure how to do this or what to say in such a letter. If anyone has written one and would be willing to share with me how you went about writing this letter and the major things you think need to be included I would really appreciate it. At 27 I have just never really thought to do such a thing.

I will be giving my husband a legal power of attorney for medical decisions due to the religious issue difference before entering the hospital and have disucussed my wishes well with him, but do not feel that the living will is specific enough for what I want.

Thank you for all help you are willing to give!
singing rabbit

hi i would hope in this day and age and how the medical proffession has moved on that you wont need to write a 'just in case letter'. I know its a major surgery but its one of the safest a women can have. I must admit though on thinking about it i will probably do one too. I did one for my ablation op too. Not that it was for dieing.....because i knew i was not going to die, but for the fact i felt better knowing that i had put everything in order,it was one less thing off my mind. Everyone is scared and thinks the worse, i am just going to keep thinking positive! My TVH is on the 13th may,not too long now. I am hoping and praying there will be no commplications through our surgerys and i certainly am not going to think for one moment anyone one of us will die. I am too busy anyway LOL. I have 2 children,1 cat, 1 hampster, 1 mouse and a husband. I love them all dearly and cant wait to have my quality of life back so i can play with my kids,have good sex again(any sex will do,dont do it much as i am always tired and it hurts my tummy) Please stay positive and i hope i can take my own advice when i have my op in a few weeks Take care Tracey x x

Hi Singingrabbit -

What a thing to think about, huh? Reality of life in a heavy dose. This is something we should all think about, surgery or not. You say you have a living will. I'm not sure if that is the same as an advanced directive - each state may differ. In that living will, do you have the opportunity to specifically state your wishes? Can you add to it or is it a standardized form with no room for variation?

In Maine we have an advanced directive that can be downloaded off Maine's gov't web site. My hospital also provided with me with one. On that form, you can add whatever you would like to it, and boy did I add, cross out, underline, etc! I was specific and added to just about every point on there, including wishes for cremation and ashes scattered at sea off the deck of a schooner with a reminder to watch the wind direction when doing so! Two witnesses (two nurses at the hospital my surgery was at) signed it. It can also be notarized, enabling it to be legal in any state.

Wouldn't a heart-to-heart conversation, in person (if possible), be the best thing to do with your parents? That way you have the opportunity to answer any questions they may have and they can look in your eyes and see and understand that these are YOUR wishes. You hope for their understanding and I would think a "live and in person" conversation would help convey your feelings. I did this with my parents. They share my beliefs on the matter, so there was no problem.

Now, all that aside, the risk of something happening to you during a hysterectomy is very minimal. We take risks every day of our lives without giving it a second thought or thinking about living wills and wind direction on schooners. The waiting period before surgery is Hell. Too much time to think about the "what if's" and drive yourself absolutely nuts! This site was of great help to me. It was a comfort to see so many others shared my fears and anxiety and that so many postop sisters completey understood and would post wonderful words of encouragement.

Good luck with whatever it is you decide to do on this matter - none of it being easy, that's for sure!

Hi, NellieNel made some good points. I think a face to face talk would be good. Also, in Virginia, when we go in for surgery at the pre-op appointment, we are given information on a "living will" or advance directive to fill out and sign before surgery so that is all taken care of if this is what you want. Not sure what your state does. I think what you are feeling is normal so take care of these outside issues and then go into the hospital with lots of prayer and a positive outlook and you will be fine!!

I also agree with NellieNel, talk to your parents! Face to face is much better than a letter. Everyone knows my wishes! I had a living will when living in Maryland and changed it over to an Advance Medical Directive for the state of Pa and had it nortorized! I found the form online by doing a google - living will pa. And yes, we take risks daily without even thinking about it.
Good luck to you!

My husband and iwent to and attorny and got a living will and advance directives.We did it at the same time we did our will and future care for our children if needed.They typed it up in legal terms and we signed. We asked our family memebers invoved for their permission.. I take a copy whenever I go inthe hosptial. Which is rather frequent for me as i have a disability. It isnot a nice thing to think about ...that is one reaon we did it...so we didnt have to . I wish you well

Thanks for your notes, I am concerned about the language of the living will and advance directives that I found on-line for my state...SO sounds like I will be typing something up myself. I appreciate the note about face to face talks with family, unfortunately my parents just aren't at that point with the surgery yet, they feel that that means that I am looking at things negatively and don't want to talk about it. So the letter option must be the way to go for me, I really will have to write something, I just wish that I knew exactly how to put into words what my hubby already understands so well. Thanks so much for your input so far.

singingrabbit

P.S. Please know that this is just a precaution for me, I am not worried about the surgery and know that it is safe. However after some of the cases in the news lately I do not want to take chances of having family members arguing over what my true wishes are if that need should ever arise.

I think it is a grand idea.. for no other reason, it makes YOU feel better.

No pressure, there is a ton of people there to make sure that you don't need the letter.

sunny hugs,

karenann