Feeling alone

I am feeling very alone lately and don't feel anyone understands what I am going through. My husband is really great and even had to give up having his shoulder surgery this year so that he can be off to help me with my surgery, but I don't think he gets how I am feeling. Maybe I am too obsessed with hysterectomy right now and talk about it too much. He doesn't even really respond when I talk about things anymore, so I just stopped. I know he wants me to take the time to heal and will take care of the kids (3 and 16 months) for all the weeks that I am healing, but I wish I was able to talk to him about how I am feeling. When I told my sister in an email (she is impossible to get a hold of) that I was having a hysterectomy she just wrote back "I wouldn't have one if I were you. Not after the things the women at work have said" I asked her what they said but she never told me. I just told her that she doesn't know what it is like to have constant pain and not be able to sleep at night so you are always tired and this is the best option for my at this point so I would hope that my family would support me and be there for me. I know that my husband I have decided we are done having kids, but it is still hard to think that if we would ever change our minds, having our own would be out of the question. It's also a major surgery and of course I am going to worry about all the things that could go wrong. I am mainly concerned for my kids. They are so young and I stay at home with them, so for me to not be able to pick them up for weeks is going to be very hard. They are used to me doing everything for them and for weeks I will not be doing anything for them. I wish that I could get my mind off this hysterectomy but it is hard. I spend so much time researching and reading about it and I think about it all the time. I wish the scheduler would call so that I can finally get it on the calendar and then maybe I will feel a little better. I have been waiting since Thursday and don't want to keep waiting. I just want my date. I know it doesn't work for us for me to have it until mid august, but I don't know what will work for my doctor. I sure hope the timing works out or I might not have all the help I need post-op. I really can't wait until this is all over and I am post-op and hopefully feeling great and life is back to normal. Well, actually a better normal where I am pain free!

I know exactly how you are feeling right now. I learned in April I needed a hyster and for weeks all I did was research the subject, read all the blogs I could find and talked nonstop about it. It got to point where I felt like people just wished I would shut up about it. Anyways I joined this site and received lots of wonderful support from women(my new sister) who have been there and felt the same way!! Just know you are not alone and this is a wonderful site to make you feel like you're not alone!!

This site is a blessing. We all have been through it or are soon to be going through it so we can really relate.

Also, pay no mind to naysayers. Not everyone has a negative experience with a hysterectomy.

I hope you get your date soon and it works out well for your schedules. The waiting is the worst part in all of this.

I can appreciate what you are feeling. I found out on6-7 I was having a hysterectomy and the few days I had to wait for the date were brutal. Just wanted the date. I am having it on 7-12 earlier than i thought but would have it today or even yesterday to be on the other side of the fence. So much to think about. Like you said no one even hubby can realize what it feels like to be facing it all. Only people who understand are all of the other women in the same boat. Talking to and reading the stories on this and other sights is actually comforting. You will feel better when you have a date but I'm sure we all feel better when it is over and we are on the road to recovery. Keep us /me posted,

Your husband is probably feeling a bit overwhelmed and doesn't know how to deal with your need to talk about your feelings to the extent you need to. Men seem to be wired differently from women, and aren't as comfortable talking about feelings. Why not cut him a bit of slack and use this forum to get your feeling out.

As for your sister, just disregard what she said. She may have coworkers who had problems or who returned to work too early. Many times in when I was younger I thought I knew it all, thought I knew what was best for other people, and was a little quick to pass judgment. Then I started finding myself in the same circumstances as people I had formerly judged, and I started learning that I had a lot to learn. People who seem insensitive are that way because they haven't had enough difficult and humbling experiences of their own yet.

Recovery does take time, but several weeks of recovery is an awfully good trade-off for getting rid of many future years of pain and related problems. I am grateful every day that my medical situation was solved so easily. So when the naysayers start talking, tune them out, and think about what you have to look forward to.

As for your two little ones - you may not be able to pick them up for a while post-surgery, but there is no reason they can't climb up and sit next to you on the couch to snuggle, or sit in your lap if you don't have a tender incision, or lie down next to you on the bed and snuggle. You just have to resist the temptation to physically lift them up.

Although your energy will be pretty limited for a while, there are lots of other things you can do for your kids. You can read a book to them. You can watch them play and just be there with them. If the weather is nice and you have a yard, you can sit in a yard chair for a while and watch them play outside. It won't be long before you can do simple things such as getting them something to drink, or giving them a snack. You won't be able to provide them with full-time care, but you will be able to do enough little things that they won't feel abandoned and so you won't feel like you are negelcting them.

I hope you get your date scheduled soon so that worry is off your mind. You know, and all of us know, you are doing this for good and positive reasons.

Men are much more pragmatic. My DH was like "ok you have pain you need it done lets get it done and I will help you and then it's over". He has a hard time comprehending my feelings. We don't talk about it much anymore since it's all been said already. He sees me cry quietly a lot and neither of us say anything but he will put his arms around me or rub my back. We have settled into a comfortble routine with it. Sometimes when I would tell him how I feel he would look at me and I could tell he had no clue what I was talking about or how to respond. Sometimes I can tell he wishes I would stop thinking about it and let it be in the past. Having said all this, he was mind blowing amazing before during and after my surgery with helping me, pampering me, taking care of me and my son for weeks.

I suggest telling him you need to talk about it and have a big long talk and get it out. Talking about stressful things helps women process it and deal with it. there is also another site MisterHysterSisters that may be helpful.

I wish you all the best wih your surgery and hope all goes well for you.