Is anyone out there? I really need some support

I can't relate to having had a bad surgery experience but I was really scared of the surgery and the anesthesia. I was so afraid of all of that I didn't even worry about whether they found cancer or not. I had the DaVinci robotic procedure and really except for the length of the surgery itself, it wasn't all that bad and the recovery was much easier than I expected. I was nervous about how much care I would need post op and was very happy that although I live alone (well actually I live with a 8 pound Maltese dog) I did fine with just friends stopping by occasionally. I know you will find support here as I have. Best of luck to you and I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

Linda,

I am so sorry, but I am so thankful that you are here where we can hold your hand and let you get it out.
Anna said something that is very, very important. Your fear is absolutely real, however, we as humans continue to react to situations the same way we did when we were young if we were traumatized. My husband has a learning disability and I can't tell you how horrible school was on him. To this day, even though he has overcome SO MUCH, he reacts to having to read the same way he did as a 8 year old. He even starts to shake, even though he can read.
I tell you that because it is a real thing, absolutely. But there is some hope- if you can get your brain to accept the fact that you are not 12 anymore and that you are going to have a different experience this time....?
I want to hug you though. As you've heard, many of us were very big emotional wrecks before our surgeries anyways, without having trauma in our past such as you've had. I was a WRECK. I cried over every single little thing. I cried over nothing. Hubby had no idea what to do with me. I felt so much relief when the surgery was over. I felt accomplished. It was over and done with. I wish this for you also. I'm praying NOW that you will be surrounded by comforting nurses who will help love you through it.
Keep posting. You are never alone!

Nicki

Linda
Your fears are real and so totally understandable. I wish I could give you a big hug in person and sit down and have a good chat with you.
I can't do that but believe me, I am sending prayers and all kinds of hugs to you.
:starhugs:
and more hugs,
Suzanne

Thank you all for the support.
What my biggest fear is is not that of dying. I DID die and came back. I am not afraid of that. It is a beautifully peaceful place, that I will gladly go to when it is my time.
My biggest fear is that if they happen to give me the "right" (meaning wrong) combination of things, I will once again have the weird reaction that I had at age 12. No 12 year old was as sick as I was. No 12 year old has a full blown stroke and was awake through the whole ordeal. It was terrifying and frustrating. I could not communicate at all and no one understood why I was crying like an infact when in fact I was telling them what was wrong. Not crying. I couldn't form the words or the language like a new born babe.

This is what is frightening me to death. And at my pre-op they did not seem to care or understand. I am calling my gyn tomorrow to let her know how I feel. Although she does understand how traumatized I have been. She said on Friday that any adult would have been traumatized by what you have been through let alone a child.

Thanks again ladies for your help, support and letting me vent.

(((Linda))) I think it's great that you've shared your feelings with your gynecologist. She might be able to arrange for you to talk with the anesthesiologist before your surgery. Also, is there any chance she could get a copy of your previous records so they know what medications you had at that time so they can be sure to avoid that combination?

There are so many new ways to monitor the body and mind during and after surgery now, and the doctors should be able to let you know what they'll do to make sure you're not having the same reaction.

, and here are some

I think I know something that might help. Ask your doctor's staff if you can meet with a nurse from the floor you will be on at the hospital. It sounds to me like you are looking for someone at the hospital to know your feelings and to watch out for you. The hospital knows who will be scheduled on your floor for your first couple of days. Meet them ahead of time and tell them.

I fully expect you to be here online as soon as you get home telling us all how your experience went. I, too, have been to the other side and it doesn't scare me either. All the crappy stuff happens on this side, doesn't it? But we have to go through that to be the people we are meant to become.

I'm soooo sorry you are having a difficult time and want to applaud you for your courage. Talk to your doctor and/or therapist/hospital social worker about your concerns re: medicine. I'm sure they will be able to alleviate some of your fears. Your experience at the age of 12 may be very different now since you have a more mature perspective. Hang in there. Everything will work out just fine. We're all here for you!

FYI - I just had an abdominal hysterectomy 9/10/09.......everything removed.

I am so sorry to hear about the past. You are very brave. Wrap yourself in the wonderful warmth of this website. Sending lots of hugs your way.

I'm sorry you're feeling scared. I have not experienced an ordeal like what happened to you at such a young age. I'mso sorry you went through that. You said you were treated like a thing that was going to die. You lived for a reason! You're here for something great!
I do know the feelings of fear that are related to the surgical procedure itself. I had my LAVH 13 days ago, and I was terrified. Through this site and the support I have found here, I was able to face it. I agree with asking specifically what medications you are receiving, and also writing a plan for the staff to follow. This is helpful for the times when you may not be in the best mindset to make decisions. You're going to be fine! You CAN do thi, and you are going to feel so good when it's over!

[quote=Cassie1321;2996225]Linda:
I, too, am planning for my "Big Day" on 10/27. I am very nervous - about the pain, the general anesthesia, the after effects, etc. However, in my mind, I am relieved, as I know I won't have any more pain and hemorrhaging (I hope, anyway!). My husband is also very nervous and doesn't want to talk about it much. QUOTE]

Hi there I got my letter say my VH is anytime between now and the next 3 months...... Am also on "tender hooks" Poor hubby is getting the "devils spawn" here atm........ I am petrified I cry and he wonders why etc I have all my insides except for 2 teeth other than that I havent had any form of "major surgery" I feel sick when I think about the up coming letter..... but everyone says " you will be like a new woman afterwards" but I am still scared I suffer major panic/anxiety attacks, guess I am like the rest of you awaiting D-Day am petrified....