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Upcoming hysterectomy: how much to share at work?
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06-03-2014, 08:33 PM
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HysterSister
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Posts: 18
Hysterectomy: June 26th, 2014
Surgery Type: TAH/SAH
Ovaries: Kept 1 or both
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Upcoming hysterectomy: how much to share at work?
Hi Everyone -
My surgery is scheduled for 6/26. I have shared the fact that I need to be out with my direct supervisor as well as my staff and others with whom I collaborate closely on projects. All I have shared is that it is major surgery, I will be out for 6 weeks (hopefully less, possibly more), and that I will have significant restrictions during this time. Folks seem to want to know the details.
I am a very private person, and work in a technical field which is a male-centric world. I really don't want to share the details with anyone. Am I being silly?
Coworkers (one M, one F) with recent or upcoming surgery dates for other issues (not hysterectomy) see no problem with office chit-chat about the preparation, recovery, complications, etc. etc. There was even a big office send-off for one of them recently. It was nice, but I'm just not that way. Except maybe on this forum :-) But definitely not at work.
Is it important to share the exact nature of the surgery? I don't think so, and would really rather not.
Any advice or personal experiences would be appreciated.
Thanks!
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06-03-2014, 10:20 PM
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HysterSister
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Posts: 117
Hysterectomy: June 13th, 2014
Surgery Type: TAH
Ovaries: Kept 1 or both
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Re: how much to share at work?
I told my boss that it was a girl problem and left it at that if you dont feel comfortable dont say what its for you will have all the documentation from your dr and it normally just states they are taking you off work for however you need keep it personal if you like
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06-03-2014, 10:21 PM
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HysterSister
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Posts: 40
Hysterectomy: July 18th, 2014
Surgery Type: TLH
Ovaries: Kept 1 or both
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Re: how much to share at work?
Hi Minnie Mouse 61! I am scheduled for my TLH on 7-18-14 via DaVinci. I am a social worker so the majority of my co-workers are female and I did share with them the reason I will be out. I found out that a few of them had a hysterectomy. If you do not feel comfy sharing with your co-workers I understand that considering the industry you work in. I too am not a person that wants a party thrown or a"fuss" made over me. Handle your business at work pass on your work to your co-workers and let them hold it down until your return. Now is your time to rest and recover!
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06-03-2014, 10:35 PM
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Posts: 14,518
Hysterectomy: July 20th, 2011
Surgery Type: TVH
Ovaries: Kept 1 or both
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Re: how much to share at work?
No, your are absolutely not being silly.
We are all different. We go into this surgery with different feelings about hysterectomy. Some women are really happy to get their surgery date, and are excited to share the experience with everyone. Some women are just really factual, this is what I'm having done, it's just another body part.
You need to do whatever feels right for you. Don't share anything you're not comfortable sharing. Keep in mind telling people hysterectomy can bring on some unwanted or insensitive remarks. There is a current thread post op full of unhappy remarks women have been subjected to like "Do you realize you can't have children anymore?" to "You're basically a man now". In response to the nosy-nellies in your office, you could say "it's abdominal", "it's personal", "woman stuff", "I prefer to keep my private life out of the office" etc.
I was devastated by needing a hysterectomy for pre cancer. I had never visualized this happening in my life. I couldn't even discuss it with my doc without weeping. I am also very private and was adamant that no one know. I told my 3 women friends (2 of whom I work with and swore to secrecy) and my family. It may be worth noting that one of these friends was very unsupportive and said some terribly insensitive things to me. I did not allow my DH to tell his family or friends. This was my choice, the one thing I still had control over. I was lucky my co-workers had enough tact and respect to never ask me directly what my surgery was for.
My advice is to listen to your heart and tell people you feel truly care (and aren't just being nosy). I wish you the best with your surgery.
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06-04-2014, 05:05 AM
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HysterSister
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Posts: 720
Hysterectomy: July 22nd, 2014
Surgery Type: SAH
Ovaries: Kept 1 or both
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Re: how much to share at work?
I'm private, too, but I work at home so at least I don't have to deal with any nosy people. DH told his female boss about my (hopefully) upcoming surgery because he'll need to take time off, but I asked him not to discuss it with anyone else outside of family. When he told her, she let him know she'd had a hysterectomy., too, in an effort to be more understanding, I guess.
I don't think you're being silly at all. I wouldn't feel at all comfortable talking about this with anyone I wasn't very close to, and definitely not any men I know. From my experience, all you need to say is "female problems" and most men tend to run the other way, lol.
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06-04-2014, 05:43 AM
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HysterSister
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Posts: 1,114
Hysterectomy: July 3rd, 2013
Surgery Type: TVH
Ovaries: Removed both
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Re: Upcoming hysterectomy: how much to share at work?
Nope...I see no problem with simply telling them its major surgery (you could add 'to correct some internal issues' and that you are 'sparing the details'). Thank them for the concern and leave it at that.
Of course, the speculators may start rumors, but don't worry about them - this is about you and your wishes - and rumor people would start rumors even if they did know the details!
I guess I had it lucky as I had just had a herniated disk just months before and so those that I preferred not to tell just automatically thought it was for that.
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06-04-2014, 08:42 AM
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Posts: 1,725
Hysterectomy: April 18th, 2014
Surgery Type: LAVH
Ovaries: Kept 1 or both
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Re: Upcoming hysterectomy: how much to share at work?
Totally up to you!! I work with female nurses so we talked a lot, due to previous hard times with reproductive issues and lack of support from family and most friends, i told only my best friend and a couple others beforehand. I did not want my dtr telling people later as obviously she would kniw somethings up, so we talked to her night before with age appropriate info (shes 8), and told family after the fact with basic info and no real explanations. And still got negativity!! You tell who you want, when you are ready. Told several people after, and got a few surprise supportive comments and behaviors!!
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06-04-2014, 08:43 AM
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Posts: 1,725
Hysterectomy: April 18th, 2014
Surgery Type: LAVH
Ovaries: Kept 1 or both
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Re: Upcoming hysterectomy: how much to share at work?
(And do remember, unless its a workers comp claim(which i highly doubt) your employer is not allowed to ask details and you are not obligated to answer! Short term disability ins co may need more, but they are required to protect your privacy)
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06-04-2014, 02:57 PM
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HysterSister
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Posts: 554
Hysterectomy: June 25th, 2012
Surgery Type: TAH
Ovaries: Removed both
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Re: Upcoming hysterectomy: how much to share at work?
That's about all I said except to my immediate manager, our CEO (since I'm only one level removed from him and he sincerely cares about people) and our HR person. I told them I had an ovarian mass that I needed removed ASAP. We work in a healthcare related field so they all understood this could be something very bad. I felt I needed to let them know this because I wasn't sure if I'd ever go back to work if I had ovarian cancer. Fortunately I didn't have that and was back at work feeling great after six weeks.
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06-04-2014, 10:07 PM
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HysterSister
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Posts: 41
Hysterectomy: June 18th, 2014
Surgery Type: LAVH
Ovaries: Removed both
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Re: Upcoming hysterectomy: how much to share at work?
I am going to 2nd LoveLifeNow and make sure you are aware that once you tell your employer you are needing to take a leave of absence due to medical reasons, they are legally bound from asking what they are! They can ask for documentation of the necessity to be off work, but other than that HIPAA laws protect your privacy. The amount you want to share is completely up to you.
I am a nurse for a large family practice where all of the employees except for the main MD are female, and am a natural "over-sharer" lol. When I had to go to the ER for hemorrhaging, they all knew why I was going. The day after they found my cancer cells, I was at my office asking all the Drs their opinions. I am the Ideal Protein diet coach as well, and I have my own patients, and they now all know that I am going to be out and why! But, that is just me, like I said I tend to "over-share". But, come to think of it, only my female patients know why I am going to be out, the men just know they will be seen by someone else while I am out. Hmmmm, maybe I only over-share with women???
Anyway, how much you do or don't want to share is completely an individual choice. If you aren't comfortable talking about it, don't make yourself even more uncomfortable worrying about it! You have much bigger things to worry about right now!!!!
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