Lady in Waiting -- Anxious, Scared and Tired

Dear Sisters,
I just found out about this support forum by surfing the internet. Please forgive any funny sounding sentences, but English is not my first language. I will try to keep this as short as possible, however I am feeling the need to vent.

Here's some background. I am 36 years old, I have had some serious trouble in my life up to now. Raped twice when very young. About 8 years ago I was diagnosed with ALL (type of leukemia) and underwent two bone marrow transplants and several agonizing rounds of chemotherapy. I rejected the first BMT, waited a while, was asked to try a second one. I have been 6 years in remission now and I am quite proud of myself. I promised myself I would fight and I did: hard.

Which brings me to today. Just yesterday I came back from the doctor's office at the hospital where I discussed the diagnosis and options open to me. I was admitted a month ago to ER because of severe left hip pain and a hard lump felt in my left abdomen. After running all the tests/exams prescribed (CT scan, ultrasound, PAP, EMB) I was told that I have multiple fibroids (two of which exceeding 6 cms in diameter) and several smaller ones. My uterus is 2,5x its normal size which makes me appear about 24 weeks pregnant. The pain in my left hip (for which I received medication which did NOT help) has worsened. Apparently there are irregularities in my uterine wall which lead to believe endometriosis might be present as well.

After a long discussion, it has been decided that I am to have surgery and undergo a total hysterectomy. Sx is scheduled for May 2nd, with preop on April 30th. I am anxious more than scared -- fear has long gone from my system. Many thoughts keep crowding my mind, mostly related to the sx itself. I haven't been given a lot of details yet, even though I surely asked all the relevant questions. All I know is that I have to see the anesthesiologist next Tuesday and that I will probably be undergoing a TAH (the surgeons haven't decided yet). Currently I am on iron, vitamin C and folic acid for anemia. Even though I am not a complete moron as far as medical procedures go, this is yet another milestone in my life I have to deal with.

I guess my reason for posting is that I feel terribly tired, mainly emotionally. My brain refuses to elaborate any further than having to find additional strength to go through all of this. I have no good nor bad feelings about the sx itself, but I feel sort of lost. Would some of you please be so kind as to enlighten me on what to expect during/after surgery? Or any advice on how to find or what to do to get the additional strength I will need? Right now the waiting is worse than anything else.

Thank you in advance.
Solaris

Solaris,

It's a nervewracking thing, preparing for this surgery. Most women find the experience far easier than they expect.

You might check through some of the drop-down boxes on the Hystersisters home page, especially the Ladies In Waiting parts. There's good stuff in the Punctured Princesses parts too. And read this site -- lots of good information shooting across this site daily.

One thing you can do is really pamper yourself before the surgery, as much as possible -- take hot baths, indulge in favorite books or movies, keep a journal for those tfrisky feelings, talk with close friends, post here. Anything that makes you feel relaxed, that recharges you.

And, of course, plan to pamper yourself post-op.

Good luck to you.

Melissa

Solaris, I am sorry you have to go through this, but the good news is that when it's all done, your quality of life will be better. I am just 3 weeks post op and I feel pretty doggone good.

You will get very informed if you keep reading here, and with lots of information, you will know what to expect. So, don't be afraid. It's really not so bad. When I think back, I can already forget it, and just think about the great future without pain or worry.

So, keep reading and think good thoughts. I am wishing you well.

I finally managed to get some sleep last night, after a long reading session on this site. It is very comforting to be able to read other sisters' feelings, emotions, concerns about preop hyst.
I am feeling a little bit better but the thoughts just keep on coming.

Back in my ALL days (sounds like I am way past my actual age LOL) I used to spend hours and hours in the hospital just walking around and trying to give comfort to all those who were sharing my experience. I ended up being a female, funnier version of _Patch Adams_.

I have learned a lot from my experience back then and it surely made me stronger. Hospital staff and friends think of me as some sort of steady rock in the storm and this empowers me to keep on smiling and cracking jokes by diverting my attention to helping others. Of course we are not all the same, but having more than just a positive attitude helped me enormously to get through all of that.

I'd like to share how I am currently coping with the whole hyst deal. I have named my fibroids (and I discovered I am not the only one doing this!). So now there's Bob ('course he's the biggest), then there is his wife (no name as of yet) and several offspring. When I went in for my result discussion, the surgeon said that he had just operated that morning on "Theo", a large soccer ball fibroid which required hyst. It cracked me up.

Anyone else going with the naming technique? Just curious

first of all your english is better than most natives. second you are a beautiful person. it's amazing that you have devoted so much of yourself into helping others cope with their own life. your strength of character is admirable. have you discussed the after surgery part with your dr. hrts? extra vitamins? ie., calcium. i did not have the abdominal surgery,so am unable to answer direct ? about that procedure. can tell you i have more energy than i have in a few years, just can't wait to put it use. that positive attitude will see you through, again. you don't mention anyone else in your life. we all need a support structure, so don't be afraid to lean on someone (us) if needed. no one will think you are a weaker person because you need some help. and after surgery you will need a lot of help. you won't be able to lift anything heavier than a loaf of bread (per my dr) for at least a week. the second week nothing over 5 lbs. this makes it real hard for those with small children in the house. and no driving for at least 2 weeks (for me).although i did get released to drive earlier than that. i hear the chat room is a great place to go. wishing you a life of light.

rob,
I haven't gone for preop yet (happens next tuesday) and so far I have received only general information. I am sure I will be told what to take, what to do and not to do. I was reading through other sisters' stories when you posted your reply. I am thinking of all the gas stuff... man I am gonna run laps in that hospital if it will mean to get out of there faster

As for people in my life... I have a significant other who is very supportive of me and my mom flew in from overseas to be with me. My SO is being very sweet to me, my mom thinks I am exaggerating the whole seek support and understanding thing. *sigh* Maybe it's because she's "old generation" and you do not talk about gyn problems of any kind.

So right now this support board is very important to me. I feel like I can speak freely without having to be interrupted every few minutes and my feelings and emotions being dismissed as insignificant or exaggerations.

Since you mentioned it, how do I get to the chat room? I have had AIM forever, just can't figure out how to join the sisters.

Never mind on the chat thing. I figured it out -- pretty sad it took me so long being a computer consultant. Brain fog.