Will they ask and embarrass me?

I'm scared, about tomorrow's surgey. I'm fat - overweight, I'm afraid the nurses will ask me personal questions in front of my husband that I will have to answer.

#1, I know now from reading these pages that I'll have a catheter when I return in the AM from my TAH BSO. I will be so embarassed to be seen with a catheter.

#2, I don't want the nurses to ask in front of my husband how much I weigh. I don't want to have them ask me about my bowels or anything personal in front of anyone. I was in the hospital for an angiogram 2 months ago and they begain questioning me in front of my husband. I about died. I was mortified.

Ok, he's my husband, buy I feel it is personal.

I'm having this procedure for precancerous fast growing tissues. Guess what happened today? I started my period. Doesn't it figure? Does anyone know if that means my uterus is larger than normal? Just wondering. Thanks.

's Amika,

Please try not to be embarrassed by the thought of having a catheter. Believe me, you'll be groggy and I don't believe you will even know that it is there. Since you won't be able to stand up and walk to the bathroom for awhile, you'll end up being glad it's there. And, it'll be hidden under the bedsheets, so no-one will even really know that it's there, except you and the nurses.

Now, as far as your DH being in the room when they ask you about your weight, bowels, etc. Could you talk to him tonight and ask him if he'd be willing to step out of the room while they are asking those questions? He probably remembers that you were uncomfortable the last time, and won't mind leaving for a few minutes.

You'll be in my thoughts and prayers. Please let us know how you are when you've been back home awhile. Remember to get lots of , drink lots of fluids, and walk some each day.

's

Karen

I, too, am a fluffy princess. I am sensitive about my size.

When I had my surgery last week, the nurses took me into the pre-op room and did all of the preliminary stuff before they invited my husband to join me.

I encourage you to really trust your husband. You are going to need his support more than you realize. Try to get past the embarrassment and let this be a time that bonds you even tighter.

You need to realize that things are uncomfortable, such as the catheter situation, but it is not only necessary, but a real blessing that you don't have to make your way to the bathroom so soon after surgery.

Perhaps if you share some of your fears and worries with him, you will be able to share the burden, and therefore lighten your load. Chances are, he is just as worried as you are! Allow him to reassure you of the love you share, and gather strength from each other.

I will keep you in my ers.

Love, mss

Aw amika it's OK... I know what you mean, I felt the same way before my hyst. I was terrified that DBF would come into the room and see the catheter and I would be so embarassed! It turned out that as (((Karen))) said, it was all under the covers and I was sooo glad I had it because I would not have wanted to have to climb out of bed to go to the bathroom just then!

In fact, because of all the work I had done, my bladder was 'angry' with me afterwards and I had to go home with a catheter. Oh my, the ultimate embarassment, right? Not so! The whole thing was hidden under my loose fitting black slacks and no one knew unless I wanted them to! I even went out for brunch with DBF wearing the catheter with the leg bag, and I'm sure no one could tell.

As for the weigh-in, they did that when I first went into the pre-op area... they took me over to the side and weighed me, and my mom, who had come in there with me, couldn't see how much I weighed . They wrote the number on my chart, and from then on nobody ever asked me how much I weighed. If they needed to know to figure out a dosage, they just looked on the chart.

I also agree with the other ladies that it might be good to share with your DH ahead of time that you're feeling a little sensitive about questions the nurses might ask you when they come in to check on you... and maybe he'd agree to step away a bit when they come by? Sometimes they'll ask anyone who's visiting you to please 'excuse us a minute' when they come in. Usually all they do when they come to check on you is to take your blood pressure and temperature and have a look at your IV to make sure it's OK... if they have to do more, like check your incision or change the bag on your catheter, they'll more than likely close the curtain around you while they do that. Most nurses are very understanding if you tell them you're a little self conscious and they'll make an effort to help protect your privacy.

I hope everything goes well for you at the castle... I'm looking forward to reading your 'I'm back and everything went great!' post!
s,
-Linda

thank you, each and every one of you for answering me. I feel a little better, not great, but better. I don't know if I can talk to DH about concerns I just don't know why I'm so concerned about privacy - I've always been independent and on my own and never needed anhyone to lean on. I never wanted to be in a position of needing help from anyone and look where I am now!

So, thank you, everyone and I will hope to get through tomorrow ok.

Jitters and all.

Dear Amika,

My surgery is tomorrow also, and soooo understand what you mean. I know exactly how you feel, because I, too, am overweight and my dh doesn't know what I weigh. In fact his guess is 50 lb lighter. But I'm hoping that this question won't come because they already wrote it down during pre-op. I had a laparoscopy 3 months ago, and wasn't asked that dreadful question in the presence of my husband - only during pre-op. However, I plan on asking the nurse - just in case - for confidentiality.

About the catheder - it's not so bad. I've had one several times before. You don't feel much, and nobody will see it since it's usually hidden under the sheets. I was actually grateful - it certainly beats the bedpan.

In reference to bowel movements, winds, etc., I too get embarrassed, but then I always just think that every single person in the world has those.

I wish you all the best, and will be thinking of you as my sister in surgery and recovery. WE WILL GET THROUGH THIS!

I havent had my surgery yet, but I have dealt with a female surgery only a few years ago where I was required to be catheterized. I was terrifed! I expressed to the nurse who was prepping me how afraid I was.. I was literally frozen from fear. The dear kind woman waited until I was well out of it from the meds to put in the catheter. I never felt a thing and at that point, didnt really care! I think if you are that fearful about having one, please do express it to the nurses. Part of their job is to make you more relaxed and comfortable with the surgery. Im sure they will do something to make you feel more at ease.

As far as anyone seeing the cath bag, like the other ladies said.. its usually hidden pretty much under the bed linens. If it isnt, toss the blanket over the edge of the bed a bit and that will hide it. Dont worry about it, everything will be fine!

Talk to your DH, ask him to step out of the room if that is needed. But remember, this man loves you for YOU, not what you look like on the outside. Im sure he is very concerned for you and try not to shut him out.. instead talk to him and express how embarrassing it is for you and maybe you can work thru it together.
s to you sweetie.

I know how you feel. Even though he is your husband and you have an intimate relationship, you need your dignity. You feel you need to maintain your self image. You have to trust that he loves you and will not love you less because of a number. I know it is hard.

For me it is my upper partial. I don't want my DH to see me with no front teeth. When I had my knee surgery last fall he was in the room when they asked me to take them out! I turned my back to him, and put them into the container, which the nurse then gave him for safe keeping. I was very embarassed. After the surgery, when he came to see me in the recovery room, the first thing I wanted was my teeth, and he had forgotten them in the car. I guess he just cared that I was all right, but I could not talk to him or face him that way, so I sent him out to get them so I could feel like myself again.

Now I am going for my TAH soon, and I am worried again about when they will make me give up my partial and when I will get it back. (different hospital)

I guess worries like these may seem frivolous to some people but they are very real. Don't worry about what the nurses might see. They are professional and they have seen it before. I hope everything goes OK for you and that your surgery will be successful.

when I had my pre-op, the nurse asked me if I wanted my mother to come with me while they were getting me settled. I didn't care so I said yes, but this would give you the opportunity to have your husband stay in the waiting area until you were settled. Also, they weighed me in a completely separate room so no one was there to see the outcome. My cathedar was only in the first night and I wasn't up for any visitors so that wasn't an issue for me. Take care. I'm sure it will all be fine.

I can relate to how you feel too. With me it's prolapes, and though I have a great relationship with my DH, I don't want to go into too much detail. Part of me want to be that sexy being for him, and to share too much, robs that from me. It's bad enough he'll have to walk me to the bathroom and help me. We are both very private about that kind of stuff. I used to pee all the time around my mom without a problem, usually when she was taking a bath. We had great talks then. But she's in heaven now and I haven't found a good substitute yet for our "special" bathroom talk. Now I just read the Ajax can 50 times in a row. Seriously, it is a real concern. I think you should do what ever it is that makes you comfortable.