TAH: Insensitive People

When my hubby and I first met, I would buy shoes from the cheap discount places. My feet hurt every day. He finally convinces me that it was worth it to take care of myself, and choose quality shoes that would last and be comfortable. (yes, I get the irony of my hubby actually wanting me to spend more money!)

OK, so friends are not shoes, but the same thing applies. You need to take care of YOU first. Don't worry about what others say and do or don't do. Yes, it is hard, especially regarding long-term friendships. While I would not just dump a friend for not visiting me (I'd prefer an email or card anyway), I would be hurt. But also understand that a lot of people just don't know how to respond when someone is going through this kind of issue, even if they have had a hysterectomy themselves. Balance out all of that with your gut feeling about your friendship, and go from there. You may find new friends, lose others, or just realize that others are/are not worth the effort of being friends. But in the end, it really is all about you.

Hope you have quick and complete healing!

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Originally Posted by aztazz When my hubby and I first met, I would buy shoes from the cheap discount places. My feet hurt every day. He finally convinces me that it was worth it to take care of myself, and choose quality shoes that would last and be comfortable. (yes, I get the irony of my hubby actually wanting me to spend more money!) OK, so friends are not shoes, but the same thing applies. You need to take care of YOU first. Don't worry about what others say and do or don't do. Yes, it is hard, especially regarding long-term friendships. While I would not just dump a friend for not visiting me (I'd prefer an email or card anyway), I would be hurt. But also understand that a lot of people just don't know how to respond when someone is going through this kind of issue, even if they have had a hysterectomy themselves. Balance out all of that with your gut feeling about your friendship, and go from there. You may find new friends, lose others, or just realize that others are/are not worth the effort of being friends. But in the end, it really is all about you. Hope you have quick and complete healing!

Thanks aztazz, yes I am going to stay focused on getting better.

You don't understand if you haven't been here. Love this site!

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Originally Posted by JSTx Wow, how completely insensitive! I'd say that you found out before your surgery that she's not a real friend. Let her become an acquaintance and don't share personal things with her anymore. So sorry that happened.

Yes. It has made me shy to the idea of sharing with others. I have stopped talking about it with 'friends'.

As others have stated, something about this surgery shows you who your friends really are. It can be quite a shock.

I'm sorry she was so insensitive and clueless. It does get better.

some people need to load their brain before shooting off their mouth!!! gosh I can relate to a lot of what you ladies are sharing....people don't think. due to selfishness, stupidity and ignorance! I work in a retail pharmacy. I was speaking with one of the female pharmacists the other day about my surgery. she is about 8 yrs older than I am...closer to menopause and suffering from similar problems as I am. Her dr suggested she have a hysto and she is flat out refusing.... after she told me I was selfish for choosing not to have children ( I had no idea how to respond...how rude!!!) she told me I'd end up with a big mess if my dr took my cervix, that I'd need more surgery in the future for a prolapsed bladder!!! now I've know her for 5 years, she is a customer fav. and I cant imagine she'd speak to a paying customer like that. she went on to tell me that you just have to manage your problem... time your day around your heavy flow and cramps... I'm sorry I've had enough and I've done enough planning over the years it's time to get rid of my "dark passenger" as I call it!!! may I ask why anyone would choose to live with wearing 2 pads and an ultra tampon 3 days out of 7??? and have to change them every hour sometimes??? I don't get it. she feels that waiting it out is a better option....go thru menopause and everything will be perfecto!!!! well, we will see I suppose!!! she is entitled to her opinion, I just listened and silently decided not to discuss the topic with her again!!! all I know is I have 1 period left!! yahoooooo after next week I wont need to shop the feminine hygiene aisle ever again!!!! yahoooo I look at this as...why worry about what might happen ( ex prolapse).... when I know how many issues this surgery will correct!! ( severe anemia, fibroid the size of a grapefruit, go off the birthcontrol pill...no more migraines, no more heavy periods, ruined sheets, underwear, pants etc) ahhhhh rant over...thank you ladies

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Originally Posted by MsMel some people need to load their brain before shooting off their mouth!!! gosh I can relate to a lot of what you ladies are sharing....people don't think. due to selfishness, stupidity and ignorance! I work in a retail pharmacy. I was speaking with one of the female pharmacists the other day about my surgery. she is about 8 yrs older than I am...closer to menopause and suffering from similar problems as I am. Her dr suggested she have a hysto and she is flat out refusing.... after she told me I was selfish for choosing not to have children ( I had no idea how to respond...how rude!!!) she told me I'd end up with a big mess if my dr took my cervix, that I'd need more surgery in the future for a prolapsed bladder!!! now I've know her for 5 years, she is a customer fav. and I cant imagine she'd speak to a paying customer like that. she went on to tell me that you just have to manage your problem... time your day around your heavy flow and cramps... I'm sorry I've had enough and I've done enough planning over the years it's time to get rid of my "dark passenger" as I call it!!! may I ask why anyone would choose to live with wearing 2 pads and an ultra tampon 3 days out of 7??? and have to change them every hour sometimes??? I don't get it. she feels that waiting it out is a better option....go thru menopause and everything will be perfecto!!!! well, we will see I suppose!!! she is entitled to her opinion, I just listened and silently decided not to discuss the topic with her again!!! all I know is I have 1 period left!! yahoooooo after next week I wont need to shop the feminine hygiene aisle ever again!!!! yahoooo I look at this as...why worry about what might happen ( ex prolapse).... when I know how many issues this surgery will correct!! ( severe anemia, fibroid the size of a grapefruit, go off the birthcontrol pill...no more migraines, no more heavy periods, ruined sheets, underwear, pants etc) ahhhhh rant over...thank you ladies

Just one piece of advice..I know the saying "advice not asked for is advice that should not be given", but I think this is an exception due to this woman's "opinionated self"!! No matter what pain you have..do not tell her!!! She will give you a hard time and be an "I told you so" type jerk, I mean person!! Good luck and I'm sure you will be and feel a lot better!!!

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Originally Posted by MsMel some people need to load their brain before shooting off their mouth!!! gosh I can relate to a lot of what you ladies are sharing....people don't think. due to selfishness, stupidity and ignorance! I work in a retail pharmacy. I was speaking with one of the female pharmacists the other day about my surgery. she is about 8 yrs older than I am...closer to menopause and suffering from similar problems as I am. Her dr suggested she have a hysto and she is flat out refusing.... after she told me I was selfish for choosing not to have children ( I had no idea how to respond...how rude!!!) she told me I'd end up with a big mess if my dr took my cervix, that I'd need more surgery in the future for a prolapsed bladder!!! now I've know her for 5 years, she is a customer fav. and I cant imagine she'd speak to a paying customer like that. she went on to tell me that you just have to manage your problem... time your day around your heavy flow and cramps... I'm sorry I've had enough and I've done enough planning over the years it's time to get rid of my "dark passenger" as I call it!!! may I ask why anyone would choose to live with wearing 2 pads and an ultra tampon 3 days out of 7??? and have to change them every hour sometimes??? I don't get it. she feels that waiting it out is a better option....go thru menopause and everything will be perfecto!!!! well, we will see I suppose!!! she is entitled to her opinion, I just listened and silently decided not to discuss the topic with her again!!! all I know is I have 1 period left!! yahoooooo after next week I wont need to shop the feminine hygiene aisle ever again!!!! yahoooo I look at this as...why worry about what might happen ( ex prolapse).... when I know how many issues this surgery will correct!! ( severe anemia, fibroid the size of a grapefruit, go off the birthcontrol pill...no more migraines, no more heavy periods, ruined sheets, underwear, pants etc) ahhhhh rant over...thank you ladies

She sounds delightful. To each their own. You are making the right decision for you and that's all that matters.

People just don't make anything easy. The complete lack of empathy blows my mind. It is like a taboo because of the kind of "woman stuff". All of us that are going through this have had most not all, of the problemc of breast cancer. But they are totally different towards us than the person who had cancer. I even had a coupl of people tell me ihad" the good kind of cancer". So it shoudn't have any problems. Just makes me feel like i have the lower cancer. If you know what i mean. Anyways i babbled enough thanks for listening and happy healing.

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Originally Posted by mishap I even had a coupl of people tell me ihad" the good kind of cancer". So it shoudn't have any problems.

What?!

Who says that? Talk about a serious case of foot in mouth syndrome.

Hi everyone!

Since my episode with my 'friend', I think she does realize that I'm distant. She even called and asked if we 'broke up'. I simply stated that I am preparing for what I have to do for me and my family. She offered to help. (I know my good hystersisters would say never turn down help. I am sure this is an exception.) No thanks. I'm not angry or holding a grudge. I am just mindful.

When someone shows you who they are, believe them!

Thanks for listening.