Three weeks post-TVH - annoyed and frustrated

I'm feeling a bit like a two-year old lately. There's so much I wanted to do, but I can't because I'm not allowed to lift or because I get tired part-way through. I want to throw a temper tantrum, but I end up bursting into stupid hormonal tears instead (and I still have my ovaries).

I've spent most of my time on my bed, simply because my room is less unpleasant to be in than the rest of the messy house. Yesterday, my husband commented that I was spending too much time upstairs for someone whose doctor said she could go back to work whenever she wanted to. So I stayed on the couch, watching a violent guy movie just because the rest of my family wanted to. As soon as it got to a point where I didn't hate it, they all decided they'd watch it later instead and left the room. So I came down to be with my family and they all left me. Then last night I decided I would try to make dinner--baked chicken, couscous, and a tossed salad. My daughter did all the oven work, but just standing to rinse and chop the salad vegetables wore me out. And I didn't get a single thank-you or acknowledgment that I had done a single thing. My husband is really good at noticing what hasn't been done and he grumbles about the lazy kids, but then he sits down instead of doing the work.

I'm annoyed and frustrated, and that makes me feel depressed. I'm fed up with most of my family. To be fair, they're probably fed up with me, too. They don't understand what's going on with me, they have to put up with my mood swings, and I create additional work for them.

Okay, thanks for letting me vent here. I've realized that I'm not looking forward to going back to work, which is really unusual for me. So on top of everything else, I need to figure out what that means for me and what, if anything, I should do to improve my attitude toward work.

You are still so early in your recovery. I wish there was a way to make people better understand what we are going through but unless they live it, I don't think they will get it. Hang in there. Don't try to push yourself too much cuz you only have this one chance to heal correctly!

Hi Chris

I am really sorry that you are having a bad day. I have read many of your posts on here and you have been so supportive to everyone else so may I say a huge thank you to you for that.

You are less than 4 weeks post op and you really are not ready to jump back in to the saddle at home or work, your body is telling you that so you need to listen to it. If you can stop the tears (hard I know as they just seem to fall) and throw that tantrum maybe your family would realise that you still need a huge amount of support to get you through this. Or start reading out some of the hystersister posts so that they get to hear what a tough time other sisters are having. I did that when DH seemed to be forgetting and it opened up another line of communication so we could talk about how it affected me and my recovery.

I won't lie and say that going back to work will be easy. I drive a desk all day and started back part time at 8 weeks and I can't tell you how exhausted I was initially & it really does take a while to get back in to the swing of things. But you will get there. Part of the lack of enthusiasm is because your body is using its energy to heal and doesn't have much left over right now.

We are here whenever you need to vent, sending many hugs your way

Katy

Hi Chris,

I here some of your frustration. I have teenagers that couldn't seem to see beyond there own face for a bit. I have felt like an inconvenience and a second class citizen in their eyes. My husband has supported me as to my direct care but the house is falling apart! Even when I came home from the hospital the house could have been cleaner. The couch had to be cleared for me! And still my hubby hasn't put on the railings to the steps. Hellooooo!

Life does go on but right now it is really slow form me. I do what I can and mostly listen to my body. I mean, this is it. 4 weeks left. I CAN do this. Our kids have privilages that can be taken away and I use it. What I can't change I am learning to set aside, not egnore.

I keep my bubble safe and take note of what needs to be addressed then set that aside so I can concentrate on me. I may or not get back to it but at least I have it in a safe place if I decide to do so. Take care of yourself first Chris. It is what you NEED.

I am sorry you going through this but you are certainly not alone. Time will help but also this may be a good time to find a new or short term hobbie. Or something you can finish from start to finish in one or two days. That may help you feel accomplished. I have been playing with polymer clay and plan to try a little painting or drawing. Even looking into felting. I don't know if this is any good for you but my wish for you is to concentrate on yourself. Your worth it!

Blessings to you,
Patty

I hear ya sister!! I had my hyst 12/30 and feel like I am never going to get better. My hubby is keeping the house clean, but I feel like I am being ignored. Not getting a whole lotta help with things I need. It's great that the house and kids are taken care of, but what about me? I sometimes think that they think that I am a whiny baby but darn it I deserve to be.

Just take it as easy as you can, I know its hard. Families are do darned frustrating!!

Thank you for being so sweet about my whining, sisters. It is so wonderful to have people in my life who truly understand. I wish we could all meet and give each other hugs.

I had forgotten until today the saying that it takes three weeks to make a habit. I got thinking about how the beginning of every school year sails smoothly for about three weeks and then everyone gets grouchy. After another few days, things have usually settled down into our new version of normal. I've come to the conclusion that this is what's going on with my family. I'm not a good housekeeper by any means, and the only time I ever want to do it is when I can't. (I need to figure out a way to make me think I can't do it in the future to motivate me to actually do that.)

I've decided to call the doctor's office tomorrow to get a release form that give me a bit more time. I'll still return next week for teaching since our semester begins Monday, but I teach only half time so that's only two classes. I can handle that after four weeks, and it will be nice to see my colleagues and students again. The other half of my job is administrative and that is particularly stressful and requires more mental energy than I have to give. I'll return to that after six or seven weeks. Making that decision was such a relief. When I do return next week, I have something pretty awesome to look forward to. My colleagues are providing my family with meals for two whole weeks (at least for the days I'm teaching). Yay! They are wonderful cooks and it will be good for my soul to feel loved and nurtured. But nobody will really understand it like you all do!

It will be good to ease back into work. I'm not supposed to go back until 2/16 and I can't even begin to imagine what it will be like. It stresses me out just thinking about it. So I try not to. I wish my colleagues would bring me food. Heck, I wish anyone would bring me food. My hubby has a very limited menu and just thinking about grocery shopping makes me want to take a nap.

It's funny how many people offered to bring meals by, and only one person actually did. I'm finding all the people that were so eager to offer to help out, have disappeared. Craziness, oh well. It's just another thing to add to my pity party.

Chris ,your are barely 4 weeks post op dont beat yourself up beat your hubby up instead lol ..i'm joking im sure hes a great guy and prob so use to you takn care of everything . take this time for you and remember no guilt we deserve it ! put on your princess crown and smile!

Chris,

I can totally relate! I have also spent most of my time in my bedroom... I can watch my own movies, read books, music, etc. If I go in the family room with the gang, I would have to watch Spongebob marathons, have the small dogs jump on my incision (they can't get onto the bed), see the toys all over the place that no one is picking up, etc. I am more comfortable in my room.

I had my first REALLY good day this afternoon. It was awesome to see an end in sight. However, I began getting that vibe.. you know, the vibe where the rest of the family thinks, hmmm.... mom is getting back to normal now. I do not want the family to have the impression that I am "healed" when I am not, so I have sorta decided to wait until kids/dh are gone during the week to do anything "new" that might give them the mis-impression that I am completely healed.

About work... I dislike my job, so being off doesn't bother me at all, except for how my supervisor is reacting. But I do know from past experience, that jumping back into the saddle builds my stamina back. I have had a couple of surgeries and was terrified to go back, but it actually was good for me... got me over that last healing hurdle. Of course this may or may not be true with this hyster... that will remain to be seen.

CC

OMG Chris, my DH and yours must be twinkies! (Good at noticing what HASN'T been done, but never noticing what HAS been done!)

Hey, girl, you just had an organ amputated. Remind your family of that! Being released to go back to work doesn't mean you are fully healed. Doctors say that can take up to a year, so be patient with yourself and just let the family know they have to help you out. (Go on strike if you want!)

Heck, I am 5 months out and I STILL use my hyster as an excuse to give myself a break! No one but you can tell you how you feel. If you aren't ready to go back to work, tell your doctor. Mine was very good about letting ME choose my date to return to work. At 4 weeks he told me I could go back to work IF I FELT LIKE IT. He just wanted me to be comfortable with the time frame and my recovery. I can tell you that I felt "fair" at 4 weeks and went back to my classroom for 1/2 days. At 6 weeks, I felt 100% BETTER than I did at 4 weeks, but I still was not at 100%. Now, I feel great, but it took me time to reach this point. Give yourself permission to take the time to get well. And don't worry about your family. They'll get over it!