One Month Left Until Hysterectomy...Still Scared

My surgery is April 15th. I reminded myself that I have to file a disability claim for this time off of work and it hit me...one month left.

I am still not at peace with this...I still don't want it...I still want kids that I know I can never naturally produce. I know I can adopt and probably will one day, but I wanted to experience pregnancy and having a child.

It seems that everyone I know is having a baby in the next couple of months, so I have not told most of them about the surgery.

I am afraid that I will change. I received the Lupron injection in late January. I am still having some side affects, but not as bad as before.

Lately I noticed that I have no patience. I feel really cranky and anxious. I am not sleeping well. I have nausea and the poops. My bones hurt. I feel really sad

Some days I just sit in my car and scream, cry...have my one way argument with God. I'm pretty sure He forgives me, but I keep having tantrums.

I keep asking for a miracle and PUFFF!!! no surgery. But I know better. The day will be here soon.

Some say that I will feel much better and be able to live a better quality of life. I can't see that right now.

All I know is that something will be missing and I don't want to let it go.

I am so sorry that you are really going through. Have you had a second opinion for the surgery?
Is surgery the only option? I pray that you get through this in whatever decision you make.

Hi Imblessed2,

I did get a second opinion before making the decision to have the surgery.

I also prayed a lot.

I was told my options by my GYN a week before Thanksgiving, but sought out a reproductive endocrinologist and had several tests performed over the next month and a half.

I know that medically this is the right choice, but I am still having a hard time.

Thank you so much for your kind words.

I am so sorry. It is insanely hard to loose your reproductive organs, I fought for a long time to keep mine, it is about the last thing I wanted to happen. Personally, I need my life back, I can't believe how sick I am these days.

I wish you peace with your decision.

You mentioned you were on Lupron... Do you have endometriosis? Is that the reason for your hysterectomy? I ask because I too have endo...

I am so sorry you are feeling this way. I too had hoped to have a child, but I don't regret my surgery this past Wednesday. I am also surrounded by family and friends who are currently pregnant or recently have had babies. I know that God has a plan for me and that's how I got through it. I pray that you will find peace in whatever decision you make.

Good luck to you!

Thanks to all of you for the responses.

@Mrs. Lewis, I am taking Lupron to shrink my fibroids before surgery.