4 year old

Hi Everyone! I am scheduled for a TAH on April 1 and I have a 4 year daughter and I am wondering on how long I should arrange for people to stay and help me out with her. Thanks for any help!!!

I'm right there with you, only I also have a 2 year old. I have someone here 24/7 for the first week, and am setting up for people to come help out in the afternoon the 2nd week. My sister will be home for Spring Break and will be doing baths and cooking as much as she can. I know that I was home alone with both of them a week after my c-section with my 2 year old, but this is much more invasive and I won't be able to lift EITHER of them until 4-6 weeks. I'm going to keep an eye on your thread to see what kind of advice other sisters have.

Hello and best of luck to you! Every womans experience is a little different. Having said that, my advice as a hystersister, mom and former kindergarten teacher... the first week is the roughest to be sure and it is very important that you rest and let others do for you. You will feel stronger the second week but it is critical that you rest and do alot of nothing to let your body heal so I would not expect to be able to cook, clean, or do anything related to running the household for 2 weeks. Certainly your 4 year old can keep you company, enjoy movies or books but at 4 she will need someone around while you rest. I hope you heed this advice as the healing process takes time and overdoing it is going to make you pay a later painful price. The 3rd week seems to be the turning point for many. Your strength returns and the pain for many has become much less. We will be thinking of you, best of luck and we are here for you!

I have to tell you I am scared about turning over control of my household and asking for help. My hubby has been the best and will be taking the first week of work. But my mom has been horrible telling me that she won't help because she thinks this surgery is a bit extreme for a 29 year old to have. I would like for her to walk an hour in my shoes and feel as bad as I do and still have to be a peppy mommy!!!

It is a shame when others impose their own judgemental ideas on us. It is hard to ask for help as well. I also stayed at home with my kids for 10 years so I know how it is to give up the control. If your mom will not help or you do not want her to, I would see if your husband can get your daughter set in the morning, pop in for lunch and be in charge of things in the evening. If you grocery shop smart, you should be ok. Have your husband check in by phone every other hour also. If there are any other playgroup moms that might be able to come over and help or take your daughter for a morning or afternoon, this might be nice for you as well. Even if you don't think that kids should sit in front of the t.v. for hours(and most moms I think will agree), this is one of those times that it could be a babysitter and you will be able to get the rest that you must have to heal properly. 4 year olds can be very helpful and sympathetic. Hopefully it will be just a short time you will be physically much better than the old you.

My ds was just 2 weeks shy of his 4th birthday when I had my TAH last fall, and my dd had just turned 16. Here's how I handled it:

I asked my dd to come stay with us (she lives with her dad) for the six weeks I was off work. At first she kind of downplayed the need for me to have help, but her grandmother (my ex's mom, bless her) told her she was coming to help me, no questions asked!

I am very glad I got her to help -- especially for the first 2-3 weeks. She did all the cooking, and she and dh split up the other duties with ds. All I could really manage for the first few weeks was gentle hugs and cuddling under the blanket!

I'm sorry for your mom's hurtful comments, too. Whether she thinks you should have surgery or not, I don't think that refusing to help you recover is a very kind attitude. I hope she comes around and is able to support you, even if she doesn't agree with the decision you and your doctors have made.

I wish you all the best. I'm not saying you'll need constant help for weeks on end, but it sure gave me peace of mind knowing I had help, and it helped me be able to relax and heal properly.