Am nothing but an inconvenience

I am also very sorry you are going through all of this. I didn't think my husband was very supportive at all either, because I was so attached to this message board getting help from other people he thought that I didn't need him so he made himself distant. But, when it came down to my going in for my surgery a year ago in March, he was right there, although both my boys are grown, everybody was there to help me. They even packed an ice chest daily for me when they all left the house and made sure I had everything right there. If you haven't already done so, you need to ASK for help. Maybe they think you already have it all figured out! I just can't imagine them just thinking you can do everything on your own! I wish you well, and just wish that I was close enough to hop in the car and give you a hand. I know this will be hard but in a few days this will all be over and you may be surprised at how many people lend you a helping hand if you just ask for help. You can get through this! Best wishes and I'll be thinking about you during the next few days.

Kate..
I'm so sorry that your family is being unsupportive, I can't imagine how that must feel. I don't have any words of wisdom but I just wanted to add my reply to the others saying .....I'm very sorry that your needs for support aren't being met and I wish i could give you a big hug.
If it's any consolation, my family is a little over the top the other way....they have finally realized that I'm kind of emotionally unstable right now and they are treating me with kid gloves like a crazy person! I appreciate the support but I'm not going to jump off of a bridge or anything for pete's sake! But, at least they care.
I wish there was something I could say or do to make it easier for you

	Quote:
I know I sound like the most indulgent, self-pitying woman but I just had to type this out. Just once I wish someone would take care of me. Not going to happen, even in the face of a hysterectomy.

You are not indulgent and self pitying!!! It sounds like your husband is. This is a very important time. I'm so sorry this is something you are having to worry about by yourself.

Sorry about that. Getting off my soapbox now. {{{HUGS}}}

My heart just breaks to read posts like this. Kate, you are not indulgent or self-pitying at all. You are under a tremendous amount of stress and we all need some support at times of stress. I don't even know what to say. I just wish so much that I could make this all better for you. I wish I lived closer to you. I would be there for whatever you needed, even if only to give you a shoulder for those tears that sometimes just have come out.

I agree with the others that you may be surprised to find support coming from some very unexpected sources. I pray that will be the case for you and that you will find many helping hands when you need them. And yes, your children will be there much more than you may expect. Children seem to have an innate need to care for people when they don't feel well. I have seen the most rambunctious child ever turn into the calmest, sweetest, most helpful child possible when faced when the person he loved the most was in pain. Children sense things and very often will behave better than they ever did before unconsciously when they see mom under the weather. Keeping my fingers crossed your sweet ones will be like that for you.

Cry if you need to, you certainly have cause. I would be a mess if I didn't have the support of my husband. I feel like I am just spilling cliche junk out for you to read, but I hope you can see how much my heart aches for you and that I truly wish I could help in some way.

Sending many, many s

You are such an amazing group of women. I felt the power of your support envelop me - as palpably as if you were all encircling me here in my home. Thank you, dear ladies. Thank you. I needed every word you offered and you helped more than you could ever, ever know. I did feel your caring. Thank the Lord for this website and you each of you.

My DH did make the arrangements needed. I'm not happy as the children will end up going to MIL's two nights toward the end of this week (they do not like going - I can't blame them) but they will be well cared for (not warmly but...).

I have been putting my energies in cleaning the house to make myself feel in control and organized. I have to drink my magnesium gunk in a bit but had to come on and let you know how you impacted me - just as strongly and significantly as if each of you had come here to offer me your support. Know that I will appreciate this and remember this always.

My pastor is coming to the hospital in the morning and that will be wonderful. Have a minor kid crisis here so will wrap it up but thank you all again. I truly appreciate you.

Love,

Kate, I am so sorry you feel so alone. Like the others, I wish I could help. I never realized how lucky I am to have a supportive husband. He's definitely got his share of flaws (don't we all?), but he's there when I need him....most of the time!

I noticed in a later post, you said that your pastor will be coming to the hospital. I go to a small church, and when no one else helps, the "church family" always comes through. Do you have a "church family"? Why don't you talk to your pastor about this? Tell him/her what you have told us. I bet he can help. Hang in there. Remember.... this too, shall pass. I will be going to the Castle for a radical hysterectomy Friday.

Jan

As we all have said. You are not the most indulgent, self-pitying woman. You are human and hurting. And right now life not only hurts physically but people around you are not listening. Just remember we superwomen seem to think that everyone can read our minds too. I was a single mom for 7 years and I learned quite a few things during that time.

I learned that it is okay to ask for things. People don't know what you need unless you tell them. And it is such a blessing for others to be able to give time, energy, things, whatever to you! A very hard lesson to learn when you come from a background of being proud and independent but a very important lesson nonetheless.

I also learned to say thank you - just thank you. I don't have to apologize for having to ask. I don't have to feel shame or guilt for asking. I don't have to promise the world to whoever does something for me. All I have to do is say thank you. Another very hard but important lesson.

I learned to break down problems into manageable bits and then ask for help for each part specifically.

Example: I was out of work with no money coming in. I broke this down into I needed a ride to the welfare/unemployment offices so I could apply for assistance. I put in applications for every business that was within walking distance of my home. I then asked my church if they had any part time work that I could do. I then put everything down in black and white where I could see my budget. Then I prayed. I did everything I could do then I just prayed and allowed God to un-fold His miracles. Assistance came out of the woodwork. I was never late with any payments and we always had food & clothing. I was out of work for a year and a half but I was constantly busy with non-profit organizations and volunteering at my son's school. And I learned.

What do you think God is teaching you at this time? That's a personal question for you to only answer to you. I am doing my very best to put these lessons into practice in every day life. Wonder what I am going to learn next?

God bless and take care!!