Too scared for sex

Hi all
I am 5 weeks post op.
I go for my check next week.
I have no ovaries or womb or cervix, and I am feeling terrified about ever having sex again.

I am scared it will, hurt, tear, bleed. I am scared it wont feel the same or even be possible, I am scared that I wont be sexually aroused because my ovaries are gone, I am scared that orgasm might never happen again.

When I was ok, I was a 5 times a week girl, now I just think it will never happen again because I am too terrified of how bad things might be..
Need advice and reassurance please.

Well, I still have my ovaries, don't have my cervix. Had some fun with my husband at 6 weeks as soon as I got the okay from my doc, and it went fine. I had no pain. I think I'm still a little swollen from the TAH, so I believe things will change over time, but now I know I don't have to worry about it hurting. Don't feel rushed to do this, you will know when the time is right.

I had it all taken out too (ovaries, uterus, and cervix). I was pretty nervous the first time around but my dr. gave me Premarin cream to protect the cuff and give a bit of extra lubrication. By the third time I was no longer nervous and didn't need to use the cream. So you might want to try some type of lubrication the first few times. I have heard some people saying that KY Jelly works good. The only way I could get the nervousness to go away was to just jump in and do it. It didn't feel different and he said it didn't either (sorry if that's TMI). I hope it all works out for you!

Eastbourne,
Please read my thread entitled "dr says ok...do I tell DH? lol"
It was under post-op support. Just click on my name, and look up threads I've started.
You will get a chuckle, and some good old fashioned courage, as well!
My sisters sure helped me!
Just a side note, I too had everything removed (tvh/bso), and still felt the old spark. Actually, the new spark...it did feel a bit different...not bad, or worse, just different. I and DH are enjoying the "new me."
Just take it slow, and enjoy each new moment.
LL

I had a complete hysterectomy 10/4. Was also concerned how sex would be. Both times everthing went well. I bought some of that lubricant but did not need it because of estrogyn patch. The doctor advised taking it easy to first few times and for me to be on top. This has worked well. Try to relax and enjoy yourself.

	Quote:
Originally Posted by Eastbourne Hi all I am 5 weeks post op. I go for my check next week. I have no ovaries or womb or cervix, and I am feeling terrified about ever having sex again. I am scared it will, hurt, tear, bleed. I am scared it wont feel the same or even be possible, I am scared that I wont be sexually aroused because my ovaries are gone, I am scared that orgasm might never happen again. When I was ok, I was a 5 times a week girl, now I just think it will never happen again because I am too terrified of how bad things might be.. Need advice and reassurance please.

You are not alone in this! I think we've all experienced the very same feelings.

I was so scared things would not be the same down there and that I didn't have a place "down there" to even have sex. Then I was scared that it was gonna hurt real, real bad. Everything was the same (really better) and it didn't hurt.

Just take it slow. Make the agreement that you will speak up if it hurts and by all means don't be embarrassed to stop until later!

Thanks ladies for the reassurance.

My DH is a kind and considerate soul, he says he will wait until I am ready however long that takes. Trouble is, that will make it way to easy for me to just put it off indefinately, and I can see me doing just that.
I don't know if it is just being scared after the op (and yes, I am not sure if I even have the space left in there for that sort of thing either), but I just don't think I ever want sex again.
My spark seems to have gone out altogether.
I read here about ladies who can't wait to try even though they have just had the op' but I don't want to go there at all. Will the HRT kick in and change that, (low dose gel 0.5%) or is it really just a fear thing?

I tried to ask my Gyne questions before the op, but he was so rushed and just quoted a statistic to me and told me to see my own GP for HRT if I thought I needed it. The hot flushes/night sweats/insomnia/and general anxiety gave me a clue that I might need it, so I started about a week and half ago and cannot report any relief as yet :cry:
I wonder if there are others out there as scared as I am that just never did it again?

I thought I was way too highly sexed before the op, now I feel like would rather join a nunnery
Where did my libido go?
best wishes
Eastbourne

Eastbourne:
I am just as scared as you are, maybe worse. I had a TAH on 10/7 but kept my overies. I honestly am hoping I can wait a year. My DH and I had a wonderful sex life and I know we will again. I feel I do have the desire, but believe it or not, my biggest fear is pregnancy. I know that doesn't make sense. But I've used a diaphram for 25+ years (I'm 50) and feel TERRIFIED to have "unprotected intercourse." I know pregnancy is possible but unlikely. I am planning on keeping DH happy in other ways, if you know what I mean. Would that work for you until you are ready? The way I feel is that it is MY body and I will not do anything, I mean anything that I am uncomfortable with. It is OK to feel this way. Our time will come, when we are ready. If your man loves you, he will wait as long as it takes.I hope that helps.
CJL
PS I have also thought about how nice a convent would be.

I worry that sexual desire will be an issue for me too. I am divorced. I also am a good Christian girl if you know what I mean. Although I have dated I haven;t had sex in 12 years. OMG That sounds horrible. Well there is no one in the direct future so who know when I will have sex next. Now that I have had a TAH/BSO will it be the same 2-3 years from now as it would be in 6 weeks. How do I make sure my hormones are correct to provide correct lubricant in my vagina if I have nothing to gage it to?

Like you Eastbourne my spark has gone out too and I am terrified of sex hurting and causing damage. I can't even think about sex with all the discomfort, twinges and pain following surgery, it's not uppermost in my mind. Not on HRT so don't know if there'll ever be an improvement in this area, or if that's it for ever.