Cant Stand My Husband Now, What Is Going On??

oH MY! THINGS ARE GETTING MUCH WORSE. I HAVENT WRITTEN IN A WHILE BECAUSE I HATE COMPLAINING ESPECIALLY SINCE I CANT DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT, BUT HERE I AM ANYWAY. I STILL FEEL THE SAME WAY! IN FACT IT IS GETTING MIUCH WORSE! I DONT EVEN THINK HE HAS A CLUE HOW MUCH I CANT STAND HIM! WHEN HE COMES AROUND TO WATCH TV OF COURSE NOT BECAUSE HE ACTUALLY WANTS TO BE AROND ME, I JUST WANT TO SCREAM. WHICH I USUALLY DO AND TELL HIM TO GO AWAY THERE IS A TV IN THE OTHER ROOM! WE HAVENT KISSED OR HAD SEX IN OVER A MONTH OR MORE. I DONT KNOW IF IT IS THE MEDS BUT HE JUST MAKES MY STOMACH TURN. THE OTHER DAY I ALMOST CAUGHT MYSELF WISHING HIM TO GET A GF SO THAT HE COULD MOVE ON. I HOPE THIS IS THE MEDS, AND THAT ONCE MY SURGERY IS OVER WITH I CAN GET OVER THIS TOO, BECAUSE HE REALLY HASNT DONE ANNYTHING TO DESERVE THIS, BUT I JUST CANT HELP HOW I FEEL RIGHT NOW. OH BOY HOW I WISH SOMEONE COULD UNDERSTAND. I WAS THINKING THE OTHER DAY, MAYBE IT IS BECAUSE HE IS SO LAZY AND HAS TO BE TOLD TO DO EVERYTHING THAT HAS BROUGHT ON MY SUDDEN ILL LIKING TO HIM? I HAVE MATURED ALOT THROUGH THIS WHOLE PROCESS AND ALOT OF THINGS ARE CLEARER TO ME NOW. I JUST DONT FEEL IN LOVE WITH HIM, OR ANY LOVE FOR HIM AT ALL. IN FACT, I ALMOST WISH HE WOULD FIND SOMEONE ELSE, SO THAT WE COULD JUST BOTH MOVE ON. BUT I KNOW THAT ISNT IN HIS CHARACTER, AND HE WOULD NEVER DO THAT. PLEASE ANYONE ANY ADVICE?

I think we go through times like that in are marriage.....There was a time I for no reason couldn't stand my Husband and was soooo ready for him to go away.......I have a very close friend about the same age as me and she went through the samething with her husband..........if you hang in there things will get better..............at least wait till after you've had your hyster and you start to feel normal again.

I agree with it might be the hormone thing. Before I had my thyroid out which of course is another hormone related thing I went through several months where I really felt like everyone was out to get me. My husband, daughter and I joke about it now but at the time it wasn't funny. I would get so angry at my husband for really no reason at all as well as my daughter, one time we went to see a movie and on the way home we got in a discussion as to whether a zombie could fly a spaceship or not and even though it was a ridiculous conversation I ended up so irate because of them disagreeing with me. In retrospect and now after having my thyroid removed it seems silly at the time believe me I really felt like the entire world especially my family all hated me and were out to get me and I hated all of them.

There were times when I wished he'd find someone else as well just so that we could move on. There were nights when we'd have sex and after I'd find myself crying feeling like I had just been "used" or even "raped" in a sense because even though I had allowed it I hadn't wanted it but wanted to just get it over and done with so he'd stop trying and just leave me alone. There are still times when I feel this way but to a lesser degree and I'm thinking it still might be the hormonal thing going on as they are still trying to get the medication right but then we have been married 25 years this October so things I figure are bound to have their ups and downs and at the end of the day I still like and love the man and still want to be with him.

So yes you may have some issues in your marriage and they might be able to be worked out or maybe they won't but don't even go there until you get your hormones sorted out. Then address those issues, if you have to see a professional counselor and if things still don't change after you rule out the hormone thing and try to get help then you might have to make a tough decision and you might have to take the "bull by the horns" and leave rather then hoping he will find someone else or make that final move. But I'd definitely wait till medical things are taken care of.

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Originally Posted by TisMe I agree with it might be the hormone thing. Before I had my thyroid out which of course is another hormone related thing I went through several months where I really felt like everyone was out to get me. My husband, daughter and I joke about it now but at the time it wasn't funny. I would get so angry at my husband for really no reason at all as well as my daughter, one time we went to see a movie and on the way home we got in a discussion as to whether a zombie could fly a spaceship or not and even though it was a ridiculous conversation I ended up so irate because of them disagreeing with me. In retrospect and now after having my thyroid removed it seems silly at the time believe me I really felt like the entire world especially my family all hated me and were out to get me and I hated all of them. There were times when I wished he'd find someone else as well just so that we could move on. There were nights when we'd have sex and after I'd find myself crying feeling like I had just been "used" or even "raped" in a sense because even though I had allowed it I hadn't wanted it but wanted to just get it over and done with so he'd stop trying and just leave me alone. There are still times when I feel this way but to a lesser degree and I'm thinking it still might be the hormonal thing going on as they are still trying to get the medication right but then we have been married 25 years this October so things I figure are bound to have their ups and downs and at the end of the day I still like and love the man and still want to be with him. So yes you may have some issues in your marriage and they might be able to be worked out or maybe they won't but don't even go there until you get your hormones sorted out. Then address those issues, if you have to see a professional counselor and if things still don't change after you rule out the hormone thing and try to get help then you might have to make a tough decision and you might have to take the "bull by the horns" and leave rather then hoping he will find someone else or make that final move. But I'd definitely wait till medical things are taken care of.

The way you just explained how you felt sometimes after sex, is EXACTLY how I felt the last time we did. We have seen a counselor before for about a year. I think the hormones are just out of whack right now. I hope I can hold on, I really dont want to make a bad decision. I am having my mom stay with me at the hospital instead, cause I want to have the "time apart" I will be getting HRT at the hospital, and I have been put on a medical induced menapause for the past two months now, so hopefully by the time I get home, it will be worked out.

I'm so sorry you have to endure this. I know you don't want to feel this way!

Please don't tell your husband how you feel about him right now, because I really do believe it's the hormones and not the real you (as hard as that can be to imagine!) and you wouldn't want to say something that could irreparably harm what is waiting for you on the other side of this storm.
Just tell him that your medicines are making you crazy and that if you say anything hurtful you don't mean it and that you're sorry in advance. It'll help him understand and be patient. Whether or not he's clueless and lazy and you can't stand him, he's still a person and deserves common courtesy. I'm not saying this because I think you're being a beeyotch (I DON'T!!!!) but sometimes our hormonally charged emotions make us say and do things we'll regret later and a gentle reminder may be enough to keep us from doing too much damage. Keep in mind, also, that this can't be easy for your husband and he's doing the best he can to help you, to support you, and to keep peace in your home.

This is so difficult for you, I know. You are in my prayers!
Be blessed,
Beseda

Speaking as one who has an ex-husband, I can assure you that you can take your time with the question of divorce. The question you should be asking yourself now is will he take care of you post-op? Mine I knew would not, so I postponed the surgery for several years.

Trust me, if there is trouble in paradise, it will still be there post-op and when your hormones and stress levels are back to normal. You don't need to deal with it now.

It seems to me, however, that you might benefit from talking to him and letting him know that you are having very confusing feelings and that some options are for him to see a counselor with you, or for him to take your lead and back off for a while...

I hope this helps.

I will share one more thing: I thought I knew what love was... I had NO idea until I met my fiancee. I wish I had woken up to the reality of what a sham my marriage was a lot sooner.

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Originally Posted by CopperPenny Speaking as one who has an ex-husband, I can assure you that you can take your time with the question of divorce. The question you should be asking yourself now is will he take care of you post-op? Mine I knew would not, so I postponed the surgery for several years. Trust me, if there is trouble in paradise, it will still be there post-op and when your hormones and stress levels are back to normal. You don't need to deal with it now. It seems to me, however, that you might benefit from talking to him and letting him know that you are having very confusing feelings and that some options are for him to see a counselor with you, or for him to take your lead and back off for a while... I hope this helps. I will share one more thing: I thought I knew what love was... I had NO idea until I met my fiancee. I wish I had woken up to the reality of what a sham my marriage was a lot sooner.

oh man you are SO right! I DO NOT feel like I love him, In fact I felt this way before surgery, I just did not know if this was normal or not after 6 yeard of marriage. I have been feeling out of love for about four years now, and I think what kept me thinking I was before was the excitment of new things, new house, pregnancy etc. But now its just hanging in there for the kids. I HAVE NEVER EXPERIENCED the kind of love that you speak about with your fiance. I think sometimes I just feel sorry for him, and maybe I confuse that with love. And I also think the hormones are just amplyfing my true feelings. I dont know but I am already getting my resume together and starting to look out of state for work. So that as soon as surgery is over I can have a get away plan!