Relationship changes

I have been married for 22 years, and though I feel as though we have a great relationship, this definately intensified our bond. When I felt my worst, he was the person who held my hand. Its time like this when you see the person you love in pain or going through all of this, that it makes you realize how important they are to you! My DH is my best freind!

I'm definitely among those who are struggling. We've been having problems for a while and had actually been in counseling when I had surgery. It seems like all the "bad" behaviors came back with a vengeance when I got home from the hospital. Sure, he talks a good game, repeatedly telling me to rest and relax. And he does walk with me every day (although I suspect that's only because he considers it his warm up because he goes straight to the gym when we get home). But he doesn't do anything that allows mento tKe it easy. No cleaning, cooking, or laundry. He has only managed to clean out the litter boxes twice in three weeks so I've had to do it.

I also own my own company that he doesnthe books for, and we both work from home. The entire week I was able to avoid work he was coming at me with one thing or another, sending my stress levels right through the roof. He has also made it a point to be gone A LOT. My second day home, I was alone for 3 hours without so much as a text checking up on how I was doing.

Of course, I took care of him for three months earlier this year as he recovered from triple hernia surgery, including picking up a lot of his work resoonsibilities. So I'm a bit resentful that I haven't gotten a fraction of that kindness in return, which doesn't help.

At this point, 3 weeks post TAH, I'm back to carrying most of the burden of the household stuff and working 10 hour days because it's easier than arguing with him over what needs to be done (no kids but 5 cats and a huge dog so cleaning really can't slide) and listening to him whine about finances.

I have a feeling our first lost op counseling appointment will be...lively.

It is heartening to hear so many of you are having the opposite experience. Gives me hope that perhaps we just need to keep working on things and eventually we'll get to where we can enjoy this fantastic new lease on life I've been blessed with.

Our relationship improved a ton. I let go of a lot of my control issues because I saw that he was perfectly capable of running a household (okay, so not to my standards but nobody starved and the health dept wasn't called... at least not to my knowledge) and he showed me how much he loved me through my recovery and the 4 years of off and on extreme pain brought about by ovarian cysts until they were later removed.

We no longer take our intimacy for granted because we've found out how it can be taken away in a heartbeat and we make it a point to reaffirm each other through physical contact every day.

We also learned the value of non-sexual touching in our relationship. I don't think that is something we would have learned any other way but there is something so wonderful in knowing that if I need to be held that I can be, without expectations, and he respects that.

Busylady, we definitely have had a positive change in our relationship.

We have always had a good marriage, and good sex life, but since my surgery we have really gotten closer. The 6 weeks with no sex were a great time to kind of reignite the fire so to speak, just talking, and him holding me. And now that our sex life is so much better and I am starting to feel better, i initiate more which pleases my dh a lot!

Overall, it has been a good experience for us.

Well my fears are starting to rear there head, we moved to town after living in the rain forest of Costa Rica, been there 7 years, 6 without phone or internet, so after my surgery he just says where up and moving to town, into another rental house, not our own home like promised.
Now he just up and says he's going to the local bar do you want anything not do you want to come. I am doing everything again and have been from week 3. I keep telling him this has changed me, that I won't put up with what I did before, either they change or we split he thinks I am joking I am about to give him a date. I keep telling him I am not his mother. So not all relationship change for the better, I am one of them that it hasn't. So my cure for the day is I am going to the beach for a few hours, taking the best vehicle and letting him be on his own and with the old pickup truck.

	Quote:
Originally Posted by crbeach Well my fears are starting to rear there head, we moved to town after living in the rain forest of Costa Rica, been there 7 years, 6 without phone or internet, so after my surgery he just says where up and moving to town, into another rental house, not our own home like promised. Now he just up and says he's going to the local bar do you want anything not do you want to come. I am doing everything again and have been from week 3. I keep telling him this has changed me, that I won't put up with what I did before, either they change or we split he thinks I am joking I am about to give him a date. I keep telling him I am not his mother. So not all relationship change for the better, I am one of them that it hasn't. So my cure for the day is I am going to the beach for a few hours, taking the best vehicle and letting him be on his own and with the old pickup truck.

No, not all relationships change for the better but I've seen a lot of women realize their own self-worth and change their lives for the better by getting rid of emotional dead weight.

My thoughts are with you during this time. I know it's a difficult one. ((Hugs))

	Quote:
Originally Posted by crbeach Well my fears are starting to rear there head, we moved to town after living in the rain forest of Costa Rica, been there 7 years, 6 without phone or internet, so after my surgery he just says where up and moving to town, into another rental house, not our own home like promised. Now he just up and says he's going to the local bar do you want anything not do you want to come. I am doing everything again and have been from week 3. I keep telling him this has changed me, that I won't put up with what I did before, either they change or we split he thinks I am joking I am about to give him a date. I keep telling him I am not his mother. So not all relationship change for the better, I am one of them that it hasn't. So my cure for the day is I am going to the beach for a few hours, taking the best vehicle and letting him be on his own and with the old pickup truck.

Sounds like we both have a real gem of a hubby

Good on you for going to the beach in the good car! I'm still relatively housebound because I'm surrounded by speed bumps and I find that they are more aggravating than anything, so I'm acting out in much more immature ways -- like giving our kittens their favorite little balls with the bells inside right before bedtime. Bugs him to no end

I have a feeling this experience will either force us to really deal with issues so we can move forward or to just accept that 18 years is our limit and part ways. Either would be a great outcome. I'm feeling better than I have in years and he can either be a part of my recovery and with me to enjoy the experience or he can shuffle off and let me enjoy it myself!

Who knew a TAH could be a relationship maker/breaker!

My husband says everyday how great I look! He notices a huge change in me. He takes the time to talk to me about how Im feeling. We have been married for 32 years, married at 19 anyway in the past 3 years we wern't as close as I like and now Im wondering if it had anything to do with the cancer.. I get up everyday and embrace the day I just feel great to be alive. It is week 5 since my surgery and Im loving this new connection he and I are having. Im so glad you all are too.