Handling "the comparisons"!

So happy to have this forum for commiseration, encouragement, wisdom, & even laughs Wondering if anyone else is getting daunting "comparison stories" of recoveries? One of the things I love on these boards is the emphasis of following your own body & doc's guidance for best results, so I don't see it happening on here. But much of the rest of the world seems to expect so much, so soon! It's hard to dismiss the worry -or the pressure- entirely, but I'm doing my best. For example, my own MOTHER keeps saying how she & my dad went on vacation 2 weeks later and even "cautioned" me to "not be weak"!! Seriously?! I am trying to be zen & limit the conversation whenever she has called, & I know she loves me (in her own off way I think she's trying to be empowering maybe...uhm, fail! LOL). I'm biting my tongue at how many follow up bladder & abdominal surgeries I know she ultimately needed. I don't yet know the outcome or healing process of my own surgery tomorrow, but I know I want to give myself every chance to heal correctly, & my husband is behind me (Whew! That felt really great to just even get out of my head!) Thankful for everyone here.

ah gotta love em!!

You know, I felt sort of serene through my recovery... like all I had to think about was myself, how I felt and was I doing the right thing for my healing. I was very lucky to have a lot of support round me and a hubby who did EVERYTHING for me, plus no kids to look after. I never had a cry or a "feeling sorry for myself" moment. I just settled in for the long term and ran my recovery a bit like a work project LOL!

What does it matter if you take a week or 6 months as long as you are doing the best for yourself?

This website has shown me that there is a wide variety of surgeries out there and there is no obvious factor on how long women take to recover - I'm a very fit, normal build 43 year old, really good health etc and I took 10 weeks to get back to work - so what? I did it right, no complications and I feel good!!

Wishing you every success for your surgery tomorrow and a happy healthy recovery x

The mother-daughter relationship is a strange thing. As mothers, we want our daughters to benefit from our experiences, and as daughters, we want the support of our mothers without the judgement and bossiness that comes with their job. Mothers think they know about these things, and they believe that it's their job to share their wisdom.

I think we all struggle to find the balance between independence from our mothers while accepting their "support." The way I do it is to smile and be thankful, and then quietly do what I think is best.:-) (OK, sometimes not so quietly).

As annoying as well-meaning mothers and friends can be, they usually are trying to help in the only way they know. Sending positive thougts for your surgery and recovery.
Karen

My mother in law called yesterday to ask "when is your surgery again?" Then proceeded to tell me that oh it's a breeze having LAVH you'll get over it easily...... I can hope, yes, but seriously???? Every little move she makes everyone has to hear about, yet I'm facing major surgery and "it's no big deal".....sorry, needed to vent ......

Wishing everyone a very POSITIVE day

My mom was fantastic during the pre-op phase except for one thing- she kept making comparisons between my up-coming hysterectomy and her tubal ligation- She was far more frightened about the surgery than I was and I know she was only trying to wrap her head around this in the only way she could but Jeeze, Mom, it's a little different!

Since the surgery, I guess I must be very lucky, very scary or a little of both because nobody has had an opinion about how my recovery compares to theirs or their aunt Gertrude's or anyone else. I do talk to strangers a lot and a few of them have wanted to play the comparison game but drop it quickly when I just marvel at how different everyone's experience is and how lucky I feel to have had no big complications.

My friend's brother compared her hysterectomy recovery time to his mate's VASECTOMY recovery - he was back at work that same afternoon and couldn't understand why she was still sofa bound after 2 weeks for her TAH .... Doh!!!

	Quote:
Originally Posted by kazwaz My friend's brother compared her hysterectomy recovery time to his mate's VASECTOMY recovery - he was back at work that same afternoon and couldn't understand why she was still sofa bound after 2 weeks for her TAH .... Doh!!!

Wow, I've never heard of a vasectomy being performed by pulling the testicles through abdominal incisions, making the neccessary cuts and cauterizations and then shoving everything back in place, disrupting organs, muscle and fascia along the way.

Okay, I would be laughing A LOT harder right now at the vasectomy comparison if I hadn't started my bowel prep this morning...!

Thanks for sharing, ladies! And kazwas - my husband and I were laughing at the thought of me making recovery a "work project"! Perfect idea!! I will spend part of today outlining what television series and movies I hope to "accomplish" in the coming weeks

	Quote:
Originally Posted by LRH Okay, I would be laughing A LOT harder right now at the vasectomy comparison if I hadn't started my bowel prep this morning...! Thanks for sharing, ladies! And kazwas - my husband and I were laughing at the thought of me making recovery a "work project"! Perfect idea!! I will spend part of today outlining what television series and movies I hope to "accomplish" in the coming weeks

Excellent idea! Agree your target deliverables and get yourself a lovely Gannt chart to go with it!!

Actually, don't expect to get any jobs done, even light ones like sorting out photo albums etc - I just couldn't be bothered with anything that involved actually thinking

Hope it all goes well for you