DD fears

How do I alleviate my 13 year old DD fears that this probably won't be her fate. She keeps asking is it genetic. None of my 6 sisters have had hysterectomies nor my mom. So how do I make DD understand I'm just an oddball???? She seems okay most days but then will just blurt out "Are you sure I won't go through this?" Also, she is waivering on whether to go to the hospital or to school on the day of my surgery. I keep telling her it is her decision but with her fears I'm not sure how to handle this. My DH is some help but he tells me to let her decide.

Amra

Hi.

My daughter (12 years old) has been the same way. She is curious and concerned about it all. In my case, my mother had the same problems as me. In fact, her fibroid was exactly the same size as mine and had it done when she was 40. I am 38.

I have read that fibroids can be genetically inherited. I am not sure if there is any scientific research to back it up. I can say that in my case, I believe that there is some truth there.

I have told my daughter that what I had was not life threatening and I am WAY BETTER now after having it dealt with. I have said to her that if she ends up with the same sorts of problems, that she will be fine just like me. It is fixable and she doesn't need to worry about it at her age. I have tried to be honest, upfront and calm about it all.

As for her coming to the hospital, I told my kids (13 yr. old son and 12 year old daughter) that they should go to school and that they look forward to seeing me later that evening. This way, they didn't stress out about missing anything at school, there is a sense of normalness in their day and when they did come that evening, I was more alert and ready to see them.

Discuss it with your DD. Then between her thoughts and your own you should be able to come to a compromise that will make everyone comfortable.

Good luck. :

Sarah

I guess I'm just finding it hard to say the right words to her when all the words in my own head are so jumbled right now. She is a bright intelligent young lady and we are extremely close, and she is afraid of hurting my feelings by not going to the hospital. I have explained what will happen and that there are no fibroids that we know of, which I agree they could be inherited, ( no scientific basis on my part). And whatever comes up we'll deal with it. Thanks for helping find some words of encouragement for her. Every time she sees me on this site she says oh your on there again. Maybe I should have her sit with me and read some of these threads. What do you think????

Amra

Do you think if you talked to your doctor that they might have a chat with her that would help?

I hadn't thought about that, I'll ask her if that would help.
Thanks,
Amra

My sister did this. Her daughter went to school but they gave her the cell phone with a note for teachers. We called my neice when my sister went into OR and then called her again when she got out. May help her have a somewhat normal day and not worry as much while she is at school. Also gave her a time she should expect the second call so she wasn't wondering when all day. I'm not so sure on reading this site. It can be somewhat frightening for a young girl.

I think showing her some of the posts would be good, as long as you are "choosy" with what she reads. Some posts can get quite detailed for our benefit, but may be too detailed for her.

Also, the idea of her going to your doctor for a little consult is a great idea I think!

Talk to her about it! I think half the battle is keeping her informed, to some degree. Then she isn't left guessing or putting her own crazy ideas and thoughts into the mix.

Good luck.

Sarah

She has already taught my DH how to text message her and I'll ask permission for her to carry her phone that day if she decides to go to school. I just don't want her to think she has to go or to feel bad for not going. I'm leaving it up to her but just needed reassurance that is a good decision. Grades are excellent and missing school wouldn't hurt her but I don't want to tell her what to do on the big day.
I am very open and honest with her on most everything but I keep it on an age appropriate level. And sometimes she asks questions I'm not always prepared to answer but I will find the answers and get back with her.
My biggest fear is her doing what she thinks I would prefer and not what she feels is best I also want her to be able to answer those people who disagree with her decision.

Poor baby!

It's hard to explain it to a child at that age. Obviously, if she's worrying that it's genetic, then she's got some awesome brains as well as a very genuine concern for her mom. It's awesome that you two are close at this age!

Bringing her to talk with your doctor is probably the best idea. A GYN is trained to deal with the psychological and emotional trauma that affects not only the patient, but the patient's family as well. Do yourself a favor, and call ahead to let the doctor know that you would like this to be part of the next appointment. He/She will appreciate the forewarning. There's also the added benefit that, by hearing it from your doctor, there will be no doubt in her young mind as to what's going on. At 13, a child can sense when we're fudging for her benefit. Besides, it'll give your doctor a chance to meet a prospective patient.

I'd be careful of exposing her to some of the threads on this board. While it's very detailed for the benefit of the women here, there are a lot of things which we take as innocuous that a younger child will take differently. Perhaps showing her some of the checkpoints and general information would be a bit safer?

As for her wavering on going to the hospital, let that be her choice. A sense of normalcy would probably be better for her, though. Hubby and I will be sending all three kids to school on the day of my surgery, and hubby will be calling in to leave a message with the principal, to be delivered to the kids during school.

Good luck!

Thanks for all the great advice, I can't wait to talk to her after school today and on some of these ideas. She makes my job very easy so I want to do everything with her best interests in mind. Your input is invaluable. Thanks again
Amra