Worried and ticked off...

Hello,
I have posted a few times and had great feedback. Just had my pro op today and discussed most of my concerns and questions. Even had my husband who is military on speaker phone. When we discussed the idea between LSH and LSVH I became upset because my husband called me vain for worring about scars and feels like it should not bug me because no one else looks at my bully but him and I. He also is upset that my doctor seems to know me enough to know I seem sick....I mean really....I don't need this right now...anyone else experience this kind of BS?

Seriously??? I think I would just be saying are you really serious??? I think the point is that you want your doc to know that you are sick. Of course he knows you are sick. If you weren't, then why on earth would you have an operation. Either I am missing something, or you husband is being a bit of a horse's patoot!!!And as for what type of surgery, I think you get to decide. It is YOUR BODY not your husband's. He needs to grow up and stop it.

Yes, I've experienced something similar... from an abusive ex-boyfriend who is now long gone from my life. He was very invested in ensuring I didn't do anything to make myself even remotely attractive, saying things like "who's going to notice besides you or me" or "there are more important things to spend your time on". I finally realized he was trying to keep my self-esteem so low that I would depend on him and him only -- as in, "now that you're so horrible looking, I'm the only guy who would ever want you". Interestingly, my ex-BF also hated that I had a male doctor, since he didn't think anyone else should have the "right" to touch "his" (MY!!!) body.

I really hope I'm jumping to the wrong conclusion here, but your husband's dismissiveness of your scar concerns as "vanity" and his anger that the doctor knows your body have set off all sorts of alarm bells for me. I apologize profusely if I am completely off-base or have misinterpreted your post... it just sounded all too familiar to me.

Not to excuse your husbands poor choice of words here, but you said he was on speaker phone, how long has it been since you have been together? Men get really insecure when they aren't able to play "bodyguard" as my Dr calls my husband.

I agree, this is your body and which surgery option you choose should be best for you. Your hubby is being selfish and a little insecure. So yes, tell him to get over himself and make the choice that is best for you. You might ask your hubby, how well his Doc knows his prostate, probably better than you do, so again I say, tell him to get over himself.

((((HUGS)))))

When I finally set a date for surgery and discussed in length with my husband my worries about scars I also got the "who cares, I am the only one who should be seeing that part of your body"... Needless to say he got an ear full of not so nice words!!! BUT, after I settled down he explained to me that he to is worried/scared about the surgery in general. He doesn't always know the correct way to express his feelings but after we talked I realized that the surgery was not only affecting me but my entire family.
Sometimes you just have to take the negative and talk it out with your significant other. He could possibly be really nervous and he doesn't want you to know that he is scared so instead Of being supportive he is pulling away. Express to him how he made you feel and then be open to listening. I am not sticking up for him because what he said was wrong but there could be more to it than he is letting you know.
Good luck and best wishes!!

All I know is I need to know I have someone with me in recovery that loves me, trust me, and forgives me for all wrong doings in our past as he needs the same. I can't have a good operation or recovery if I am stressed or hurt.

It's hard to tell whether he is saying this because he is more concerned about having a good surgery outcome, or for some other reason. Of course, we all want our surgery to have a good outcome, and have a safe, effective surgery is the primary consideration. Perhaps you could emphasize to your husband that a safe, effective surgery is the most important thing. But if it can be done without a big incision, it does two things. I helps you feel better not having a big scar. But also it makes external healing faster and less painful, and reduces the chances for infection because you won't have that external incision as a potential infection site.

To everyone...all of you are correct...and without making myself cry beyond belief with a already screaming headache I will just say I have said I can't help any of this this was not something I wanted it was something thrown at me and there is no other way to make me better...I must come 1st. I have personal and professional experience in this area as I am a Counselor/Social Work dealing with at risk kids and families and I am a domestic violence and sexual assualt advocate.

Tonya

I am sorry you had that response about scars. I totally get it, except it was my ex-Dr who said it. He asked me if i was more worried about a scar or getting all the cancer out.

It is very difficult when these things are foisted on you. You are trying to control what little you can of a situation beyond your control.

I am sending gentle to you as you go through this emotionally trying time.

You are correct dear. You must put yourself first, you are not doing this for the fun of it. I'm sure your husband loves you and will get over himself. This is a very emotional surgery and we can't expect men to understand at all..
You have the skills with your background, but it is so much harder to take your own advice.

EVERYTHING WILL BE OKAY......YOU WILL BE OKAY.

(((HUGS))) to you.