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just need to vent
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06-25-2014, 05:29 PM
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HysterSister
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Posts: 54
Hysterectomy: July 30th, 2014
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just need to vent
A week & a half ago I was diagnosed with cervical cancer. I'm so thankful & grateful that it was caught early. However I can't stop having low moments. My friends have been wonderful to a point. My husband is a wonderful man but clueless. My coworkers are over it (I own a business) My summer has been a wreck from all the tests & surgery recovery (conization). I just want to enjoy it.
A group of us had plans for months to go to a MLB game Fri get a room & have a girls night. Now everyone is jumping ship wanting to come home & cancel room (it's a 2 hr drive). I feel like my spare time is resorted to making freezer meals & prepping. I have had a bunch of people say you need anything call. 1 person has actually offered to make a meal during my recovery. I'm overwhelmed, honkerblonked, alone. I'm normally not a selfish person. I'm usually putting others before me. However now I need the roles reversed & it's not happening.
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06-25-2014, 05:40 PM
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HysterSister
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Posts: 862
Hysterectomy: March 10th, 2014
Surgery Type: TAH/SAH
Ovaries: Kept 1 or both
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Re: just need to vent
I hate to say it, but my father, God rest his soul, always said you can count your true friends on the fingers of one hand. Those are the people that will be with you through thick and thin, and if you called the for help in the middle of the night, they'd come no questions asked. All the rest, are acquaintances.
Sad, but true.
Do you have any family that can support you?
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06-25-2014, 05:47 PM
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HysterSister
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Posts: 54
Hysterectomy: July 30th, 2014
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Re: just need to vent
So true! ! No on family. That's a whole other issue. My mom passed away when I was 15 from cancer (so even though mine is "simple" the word brings back much anxiety & dread of the worst) my step mom & I are not close. I have not spoken to my brother or sister in almost 2 years due to family conflict from the death of my grandmother. I know they are aware of my situation & I have not heard one word from them. My dad has never been an emotional support. I feel like a nut case just saying all that. But unfortunately it's the truth. My BF has offered to go on day of surgery but that's it. Today she was complaining of something minor & I just wanted to scream. I have cancer & have to out of work for 6 weeks. Really? !
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06-25-2014, 05:51 PM
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HysterSister
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Posts: 862
Hysterectomy: March 10th, 2014
Surgery Type: TAH/SAH
Ovaries: Kept 1 or both
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Re: just need to vent
I am sorry that you feel so alone. It must be difficult.
Lean on the few people that will let you. Sometimes people just don't have empathy. It is not that they don't care, they just cannot put themselves in your shoes.
Maybe you can tell your closest friend that offered to go with you how you are feeling, and that you need some help.
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06-25-2014, 05:58 PM
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Posts: 14,518
Hysterectomy: July 20th, 2011
Surgery Type: TVH
Ovaries: Kept 1 or both
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Re: just need to vent
We all find out during this process (especially during recovery) who our true friends are. I was terribly disappointed in one woman I thought was my true friend and very pleasantly surprised by another (a niece of my husbands who didn't even know what surgery I was having).
Hysterectomy is a common surgery, and most people think that means it's easy and no big deal. It is major surgery and takes up to a year to heal completely. I was so tired of people asking me "You're STILL hurting?" when I was only 5 weeks out.
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06-25-2014, 07:06 PM
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Posts: 33
Hysterectomy: May 30th, 2014
Surgery Type: TAH
Ovaries: Removed both
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Re: just need to vent
I am currently recovering from a TAH, related to cervical cancer. I was actually diagnosed with the cancer back in 2007 and went through chemo in 2008, not having a hysterectomy until now. I had my sister here with me for the first 5 days, when I got home from the hospital. My mom was here too, but I had to send her home with my sister because she got sick. Thus, I have been on my own. I live alone and in a vacation area so there aren't a lot of folks around during the week. Add that school just got out, even the locals are away right now. I had friends offer to help, but I feel like I'm "bothering" them for simple requests like taking out the trash. I am very thankful that my sister was here in those early days, but to be honest I am happy to be on my own. I really haven't felt well, pain, no appetite, etc and haven't been much up for company. Since I'm not eating much, I can go a week or more without someone bringing me food from the store, and I've been eating simply. Don't get me wrong, having caring folks near is great, but being alone is OK too. I have my cleaning person come by once a week (usually she comes only once a month). At that time, she brings me needed items,, runs loads of laundry, and cleans. It was only in the last week that I could actually pick up things I dropped on the floor
Some men just don't do well with illness and visible caring... my dad is one of them. Still, it doesn't mean that they don't care and don't worry. Hopefully, by the time your surgery comes around, your husband will too. If not, maybe send him on vacation. This is what I do with my dad, when my mom has medical issues. It's just easier.
Hang in there!
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06-25-2014, 07:09 PM
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HysterSister
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Posts: 200
Hysterectomy: June 27th, 2014
Surgery Type: LAVH
Ovaries: Kept 1 or both
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Re: just need to vent
I know how your feeling, im finding out some things about people myself.my husbands mom told him it will take a year to be myself again.then last night a co worker told him that his wife was better in 2 days. Im thinking.dont judge my recovery on others.everyones diffrent!! But i sencerly hope that you get the support that u need and deserve. And im shure you will! Best wishes for a great outcome and recovery.god bless
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