My 1st post-anyone feel like this?

Hello all, you've been a wealth of information, thanks!

I've been told by 3 docs to have a hyst. 1st one was 12 years ago and I was given a choice: hyst, D & C for polyps, but was told that a hyst. was inevitable b/c of 2 fibroids and prolapse. I had the D & C, which helped the bleeding in between, but not the pain, so I managed to convince myself that I was cured and the dr. was full of ----.

12 years later, (now)I went to a 2nd dr., b/c of having periods every 19 days. I didn't give my history (i had convinced myself nothing was wrong), and during the exam (painful), this dr. exclaims "Jesus" , and then "you've got fibroids." After the ultrasound, I was told I was full of them. My uterus is 13 cm (don't know what that means) This dr. says; I just need about this much room (about 4") at the bikini line and I can get rid of this problem for you. Discussed no other options, and wanted to know if I wanted to schedule it right then. I got a 3rd opinion just 3 weeks ago (the pain in unbelievable) and was told from the physical exam that a hyst. was in order.

I always leave these appointments feeling angry, invaded and confused. I sincerely hate the exams (and embarrassment of talking about this stuff plus being so exposed most of all). I instantly get an attitude the minute my clothes come off and I know I'm rude, but honestly can't help it! I know this is silly and inmature, but I can't talk myself into withstanding it.

I know I need to take care of myself and have been probably living with things because of this 'embarrassment' problem I have. Has anyone felt this way and if so, how did you overcome it?


Thanks-
Kalyn

Kalyn,

Take a deep breath. I can tell that you know you need some help, but the whole experience of being examined and thinking about reproductive surgery is almost too much for you.

I don't know that I have felt exactly as you do ... it is something I try not to dwell on. Yes, the exams are somewhat embarrasing even after all these years (I'm 47). My present gyn is male and young, but extremely kind and compassionate so that has been wonderful. He also spent a lot of time talking to me ... in his office and with me in my clothes! Yeah! There is something sort of humiliating about having these conversations when you're basically naked, excpet for a tiny gown, while the doc is fully clothed and looking so official!

Have you considered a female gyn? Would that help you? Would it help if you just explained a bit about how uncomfortable you are during exams and asked to talk to the doc in his office (and with your clothes on?)

I do hear you ... this feels like an invasion of your body. That's a hard feeling to overcome. There could be deep rooted reasons for why you feel this way. But the bottom line appears to be that you need a hyst ... if 3 gyns are recommending this. If you are in that much pain, it must be terrible for you. You owe it to yourself to get treatment so that you can get your life back. Is there someone who could go with you to your appointment and help keep you calm and less angry?

I don't think you are the only one who feels this way. But it realliy sounds like you need treatment, so you need to try something to help you cope with these gyn visits. Try to remember, this is their job and they are trying to help you.

Hang in there. Please let us know how you are doing and what you decide to do about treatment.

Beth

Hi Kalyn,

I'm sorry you're having to face all of this at all, nevermind feeling embarassed about it. Please don't feel embarassed *here* - you can talk about anything here.

Easy stuff first - 1 cm (centimeter) is a bit less that half an inch. Or 1 inch is the same as 2.54 cm. So 13 cm is about 5-1/8", which isn't huge, but fibroids don't need to be big to make your life miserable. Or they could be on the outside - so your uterus could be 5-1/8", plus you could have a big ol' fibroid attached to it. In any case bigger isn't necessarily worse, and smaller isn't necessarily less troublesome.

There's a wonderful song by the blues group "Saffire - The Uppity
Blues Women" that you would really enjoy, called "The O. B. G. Why Me Blues". If there's a song about hating to go to the gyn, you can bet you're not the only one.

Is there any chance you have a good friend who would go with you to the doctor and hold your hand (so to speak)? I think I would find that *more* embarassing, but some women have found having a friend along to be reassuring.

Aside from the embarassment of the whole process, are you especially hoping to avoid a hysterectomy (hoping for kids, perhaps)? And how old are you? Those things can help you decide the best course of action too.

Best of luck!

Thanks for your insights and replies.

One of the reasons I read here is that I'm trying to get more educated, thus maybe I'll be more comfortable. The embarrassing thing is that I'm 43, with 2 kids, which makes this seem so very silly. I don't want any more kids and really would like to press th eject button on the uterus. I really am tired of the problems, many of which I keep quiet about.

My husband has been pushing me to take care of myself for years and I've finally decided to do that this year. I don't have the anemia problems so many other women have and for some of them, their dr.'s seem to be grudgingly offering a hyst.

Also, scaring me is that mine seem to jump right on it, so either I've picked dr's who are doing too many of them, or there might be other things they are seeing, which I might not be aware of.

Either way, thank you very much for your kind words and I really am trying to get a grip.


Sincerely,

Kalyn

hey i hope you are feeling better today. I am going to tell you a bit of my story.

i never had a hard time with my period until about 7 years ago. they got increasingly painful, and very heavy, full of clots so big i would tell my sister whether i had twins or triplets,

i saw 3 diff. guy drs and all wanted to put me on the pill "that would control those periods!" after the guy doc #4 retired (he was better than the others) I began using a lady doc, and she is wonderful!

when my period began hangind around 20+ days of 30 I looked up all the possibilitys on the internet and knew what she should look for or do, and do ya know what? she did allof it without me prompting her! i wish i had found her earlier.
at first we thought it was all due to fibroids, but when she went in there was all the stuff you see below my name. (plus some other) she was astounded that it was worse than she suspected.

she offered me the other treatments, but i asked about the hysterectomy, and she said she didnt offer it b/c she wanted me to read all the material and make a judgement myself.

i read and searched the internet and decided for me personally a hysterectomy was the way to go. nothing would make the fibroids go away but that and i was tired of being on my period constantly.

i am now 42 and slowly regaining strength and feeling like "me" again, I cant wait until i am all healed up and ready to get back bouncing around!!! but it has all been worth it, and i understand will be even better when i am all done healing!!

take care!

Kalyn, I understand how difficult the Dr. visits are for you....I think it is difficult for any woman to feel totally at ease when she is undressed and in a vulnerable position(Myself included!!)...but please believe me when I say that the GYN and his Nurse or Medical Assistant are sensitive to your feelings-I am a Clinical Medical Assistant to a GYN, and even though he is a wonderful caring man that has been seeing many of his patients for 30 years, they still feel uncomfortable! Many people ask me why I do this job, and I can honestly answer that I care about women and want to help them.I am facing hysterectomy myself, so I know what they are going through, I tell our patients about this site also.

What I would suggest is for you to have a list prepared of your questions and concerns. Make sure your Dr. speaks to you while you are sitting up and facing him, not laying back on the table.You can also schedule a "consultation visit" where you remain fully clothed and meet with the Dr. in his office-many of our patients do this after the shock of learning that they need a procedure or surgery wears off.

You can also bring a relative or friend with you. Most Dr.'s not only allow, but encourage this.

Hope this has helped you feel alittle better!! Good luck to you,

Thank you Angela. It does help to know that dr's offices & staff are sensitive, because I'd have thought just the opposite! I was thinking that they would think I'm so silly & stupid b/c they see this stuff every day. It's nothing, so what on earth is my problem?

I've been fretting because I was supposed to go back in August (3 months) for another exam, (EEK) and I can't bring myself to actually make the appointment, but am working on it. They've sent me a reminder card and it went into the trash so my hubbie couldn't see it.

It seems like old murphy's law. This is my most embarrassing thing, and don't you know it, I have health problems there.

Geez, couldn't it have been my arm, leg, or some other area?

I have to read this site often just to be comfortable with even admitting my problems! (I've told no one the worst things) Surprising to me was the dr. actually told me what some of my symptoms were without me telling her. Yes, it is a woman, and it only makes me feel a teenie bit more comfortable. I know I could get through the exams & God knows having to talk about it, with drugs, but geez, I'm so against that. I might try bringing someone as both you and BethAC mentioned. I never have, because that would mean having to talk about it and I've always hidden it from everyone. The only reason I even told my husband about the last one, was that I was upset & in tears. I couldn't hide from him.

I thank you all for taking your time to answer my post. It really helps seeing so many women that go through the same things as I do.

Sincerely,
Kalynn

Darn Kalyn, I wish I could get you out here and drag you around with me for the day.

First, we'd go to my hypnotherapist friend for some calming and centering exercises. Come up with some positive affirmations about health and life. "I am a strong woman. I take care of my health so I can enjoy the other aspects of my life. I can feel embarassed and do the things I need to do anyway."

After a stop for lunch we could head to Wal-Mart to price "feminine supplies" (and nothing in my life ever made me feel less "feminine" than using those), and figure out the average annual cost of buying them. While we're there we could read the backs of the painkiller bottles to remind ourselves about all the side effects (and get the annual cost of those, too). And buy some new underwear to replace the ruined ones.

Once we're in line, we could casually announce to any friendly-looking older women near us that I had a hyst a while ago, and now you might be having one too. Their faces would brighten, and they'd say "Well, you know, I had that done 20 years ago, and it was the best thing I ever did for myself - never looked back. You'll feel so much better afterward."

Then we'll head off to a meeting of one of my horsey groups - full of women who (many in their 60s+) ride for the Sheriff's Search and Rescue group and State Parks Mounted Patrol, or who head off to the Sierras for 10-day long pack trips with their mules. There (to your horror) I would announce "Hey, guess what? Kalyn's probably going to become a Hyster Sister soon, too." And they'd grin and punch you in the arm, and shout, in their salty old horsewoman way, "Good for you! Best thing I ever did! You'll be better than new in just a few months, don't you worry. Linda here used to have to skip out on all our workshops and rides, but since her hyst she's been fine. Worked all-day events several times recently, in fact."

Honestly, that's the kind of things I heard, back when I was a nervous LIW, and it made a big difference hearing from such positive women, who were clearly healthy and full of energy and enthusiasm. I knew that, the way I was going, there were not going to be any 10-day pack trips in *my* future, and how could I possibly commit to riding in the mountains for hours to patrol trails as a volunteer? Heck, on some days I couldn't even make it the 20 minutes to haul from my horse to a nearby ranch to just let her run and play.

If I have anything going on that I feel tentative about - nervous, or reluctant... just can't get around to taking care of it, sometimes it takes getting good and P.O.ed to find the energy and strength to get past that.

It might help you to make up a few lists.

Make a list of all the things you would liked to have done with the past 12 years, but really couldn't - too tired, too weak, too uncomfortable - or maybe they are just too far from the bathroom. Think hard. Include all that stuff you don't even remember that you wanted to do anymore, because you gave up on it so long ago - swimming at the Y, learning to dance, camping, hiking, learning to fly, volunteering to work with kids... whatever it is for you.

Make a list of the things you've missed out on - a trip to see a friend, having to pass on going to dinner, not being able to enjoy a pleasant day because you felt beaten up. Knock out a few pages of those. That time you had to leave a movie early. The time you passed on going up in a friend's hot-air balloon because "Thank you, but I just don't think I would enjoy it."

Write down all the stories you told everyone around you, and that you tell yourself - I just don't like the out-of-doors, I prefer to stay close to home, I don't care to, you all go ahead without me, or I'm too old for that - when what was going on was that problems with your body were stopping you from doing what you really wanted to do, and you couldn't even scream about because it would have been heresy to mention it in public. "I really want to go to the museum with you today, but my period is so heavy I'd have to stop at every bathroom, my legs feel like rubber, and I have cramps so bad I can't walk upright." Personally, I think having to put a "ladylike" face on it all, and lie to ourselves and everyone around us, as though it really doesn't hurt, and isn't any bother, and we don't mind, costs us more in self-esteem than we can measure.

Now write a new list. Look at the next 10 or 20 years. If you felt great - if you didn't have to worry about bleeding and pain - if you felt strong - if you could be active, and be away from bathrooms... What would you like to do? What fun could you have? What could you accomplish? What dreams could you make real?

Look back over your lists. You body just happens to be the one you got when they were passing out bodies. The one you got happens to have a little defect - it's a pain-in-the-neck problem, but can be repaired. Just like a tumor on your elbow, or a mole on your shin - it's just organs and bones and skin... This body is the only one you get - you can't trade it in for a better one (with who knows what other troubles...). You can put up with its annoying problem that's keeping you from living the life you know you *could* be living. Or, like a car that isn't running well, you can get it in to the mechanic and get it fixed up, so you can get around, do stuff, enjoy life...

Take a good look at those lists - at what your problems have cost you, and what's possible for your future. Now pick up the phone and make an appointment to see your gyn, and get started on a path to strength and good health, and to fully participating in life as *you* want it to be.

Good luck Kalyn - you can do it!

I know EXACTLY how you feel. They treat you like a slab of meat (I'm a farm girl) or like a heiffer who's needs her vitamins.

I'm sorry, I'm just trying to "relate".

It's like when I had my child...they came through with a group of medical nursing students and while they were "prepping" me they asked, "Do you mind if they watch"?.



I said, "YES I mind! This is not a vegas side show!". <--trying to keep my cool

Bad thing is...after I had my hysto...I had more exams than EVER!

I had endo though, not fibroids, and surgical complications...so, in that sense, I cannot relate.

Good luck with those things


Laughing about it is one way that I've coped. Yes, I know it's hard. But keeping this inside, without talking about it, makes it an even bigger problem.

Feel free to share all you want here. Trust us. We've heard most everything. And the great thing is...maybe you'll feel more comfortable searching for answers and dealing with the docs and the nurses.

Linda-you are right. You are right and you are right.

I realized that I did as much as I possibly could, and did put on a straight face and pretend nothing was wrong. I sat through so many management meetings absolutely in pain because my boss would specifically ask me what was wrong if I was absent from work. For many, I had to wait til everyone cleared out before I would stand, just in case there was a problem left behind. Yes, I skipped many swimming events and prayed for the worst of it to be over a weekend or holiday. I do take up to 4-6 advils now to help me work and carry on in life. (I used to be able to take 2)

I take herbal energy pills after the sleepless nights because of pain to keep me going that day. There are times that it doesn't matter what I take, it still hurts and I might get 2-3 hours of sleep that night.

I sound rediculous and I guess it's worse to pretend nothing's wrong so I don't have to face it. I've decided to deal with it and your post and the posts of others have truly helped me to face the facts. I seemed to have been paying no attention to how I physically feel.

Thanks again. I'll remember this.

Kalynn