3 wks to go - nerves are setting in

I have exactly 3 weeks to go. I've done well with it so far, except in rare moments. But with every day it seems like the pressure is building. I find myself trying to do lots of things with my kids - trying to cram as much as I can into these next few weeks. I keep telling myself it's because I'll be laid up for 6 weeks and not be able to be as active with them, but I think I'm a little afraid that something bad will happen. It's not like me to share my fears with others - I never like to burden anyone else. And I hate feeling like a crybaby or a drama queen, but I am scared. Recovery doesn't scare me and I'm not even really scared of the pain. I've had 3 c-sections, so I'm used to the whole surgery thing. And I recovered from those surgeries really well. But I had a D & C last September, trying to avoid a hysterectomy and I freaked out before they knocked me out. I'm afraid the same thing is going to happen again. I went into a complete panic when the nurse screwed up my IV. And now I'm hearing stories of recent errors at the hospital that I'll be in...it's just one thing after another. I feel like screaming sometimes. I can handle anything but being afraid.
Thanks for listening. I don't know what I'd do without my hystersisters!

Peace,
Michelle

I have three weeks to go too! I have had five surgeries before, and with each one, there is the overwhelming sense of fear the night before and the morning of surgery. With each one it has gotten worse. The last one I had, I started crying and screaming, and I just had this feeling to just run! Of course, I didnt, and the nurses and DR's gave me alot of anxiety medicine but I still remember grabing the molding of the doorway so they couldnt wheel me in! LOL! I know now too aske for anxiety medicine the night BEFORE the surgery. I have my preop on the 13th and I am going to tell my Dr and the nurse at my hospital preop that I must MUST have anxiety medicine a night before, because I know I will lose it. As far as the kids go, my son cries alot, he is 7 and we are REALLY close, and he is ok with me having surgery because he has had several before, but he doesnt understand why I wont be able to do alot with him for so long. Everynight he tells me, mom I love you,Mom when you get home I am going to take care of you. My daughter is 4 and the only thing she is interested in is when will I get better to do shopping! LOL! It breaks my heart. I do find myself doing so much with them because I am afraid something will go wrong. I even had my attorney draw up a will. This is my first major surgery. The others were just laparoscopic. I know I have to go through with it, but that doesnt make it any less scary.

Oh the reason I get so scared is because twice I have woken up prior to my meds kicking in. I woke up in so much pain I thought they were still working on me, I was stil in the operating room,but they were done. I would never wish that kind of pain on anyone, not even my ex husband! I am not telling you this to scare you, but it is what it is. I told my DR about this and he says, I wasnt properly sedated. That because I am so small 5'0 100 pounds, that they undersedate me in fear of overdoing it. This time I am going to have a long talk with my anesthisiologist, because I think I m leaning towards a spinal with heavy sedation (not general), or general with an epidural. Just to make extra sure if I wake up too early, I wont be in so much pain.