what about a "bad boss", FMLA and it not working out

Once again, I am so glad I found this site and see that other women are going through similar experiences. I told my supervisor and my manager that I was going out on FMLA on 1/28/10 for surgery and I got written up on 2/4/10 for some things that happened in November. My supervisor had a radical in 2008 so she originally refused to write me up so my manager wrote her up first then wrote me up. The stress of the write up and the situation at work I know caused my serious anxiety going into my surgery on 2/18/10. Still praying I have a job when I come back from FMLA.

I'm not back yet and understand what you are going through. My boss who is owner is usually really good about letting me do things from home. I asked before surgery and now 6-8 times in emails and 2 phone calls to let me do some things from home now that I am capable so I can make my mortgage payment and got nothing. I have emailed with updates on my condition every week and after appointments and nothing. Plus have huge event to plan and will be down to one month left to finish by the time I get back. I asked my department which I run to cc me everything while I am out. When I check my mail, there are things going on that I can see and I am not being copied on any emails at all regarding all these things. Even told my DH they have been emailing and waiting for me respond and that is not true at all. He is very upset about it as well. I am not happy that I am not being told what is going on with anything and cannot even get the dignity of reply from my work. I am very, very disappointed.

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Originally Posted by ChiNiKayCee Several people have told me since I was back that the software implementation was not smooth and many things were not addressed until I got back from my FMLA!!! This boss then asks for status on things that were really messed up and mismanaged (by her) prior to my return.

Oh, ChiNiKayCee, did you read my mind? I was just thinking about work issues and such and then noticed this thread.

I work in technology too and had to leave at an inopportune time. Our company is ready to release a new version of software and hardware on our product but it was delayed for a number of reasons (not directly related to my medical leave). At the same time we were about to expand our customer base x2, which is why the release was delayed (better the devil you know than the one you don't?). So I know my department (operations/training/support) is getting pounded, especially without me, because while I was still there we were getting pounded without 2x the customers.

I have no idea how to go about starting back in - I can work from home for a while (probably doing back-end research on live product problems) but I think I'd be exhausted after 3-4 hours. Despite our little department being very close-knit, the atmosphere is tense, very tense. I'm afraid if I get back into it at any level the stress will impact my healing in a bad way.

I am job-hunting while on leave, but I doubt I will find anything before I return. I think the longer I am away the more problems there will be, but the sooner I go back the slower I will recover (TLH on Feb 4th). Plus once I am officially back at work I cannot "undo" it and go back on short-term disability. Decisions, decisions . . .

- CarmenD

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Originally Posted by CarmenD Oh, ChiNiKayCee, did you read my mind? I was just thinking about work issues and such and then noticed this thread. I work in technology too and had to leave at an inopportune time. Our company is ready to release a new version of software and hardware on our product but it was delayed for a number of reasons (not directly related to my medical leave). At the same time we were about to expand our customer base x2, which is why the release was delayed (better the devil you know than the one you don't?). So I know my department (operations/training/support) is getting pounded, especially without me, because while I was still there we were getting pounded without 2x the customers. I have no idea how to go about starting back in - I can work from home for a while (probably doing back-end research on live product problems) but I think I'd be exhausted after 3-4 hours. Despite our little department being very close-knit, the atmosphere is tense, very tense. I'm afraid if I get back into it at any level the stress will impact my healing in a bad way. I am job-hunting while on leave, but I doubt I will find anything before I return. I think the longer I am away the more problems there will be, but the sooner I go back the slower I will recover (TLH on Feb 4th). Plus once I am officially back at work I cannot "undo" it and go back on short-term disability. Decisions, decisions . . . - CarmenD

Hi Carmen, thanks for the support to you and everyone else!!

I did not mean to disappear off the board, especially after this subject was brought up, but it is not any better!

My boss basically does not speak to me, except in a weekly scheduled "supervisory meeting".

I have followed advice of many of you to document the interactions and save and print out her questionable emails.

My husband actually did me a favor and wrote a detailed rebuttal to her comments, then we collaberated and have it pretty fine tuned. I am now awaiting the word from HR about what happens to this rebuttal. I want it in my personnel file, but not for her review.

I guess I look at as preparation for the next thing she will pull on me..

I mean, it is just so inhumane to write someone up that needed to take training on the new version of the software she was supporting, what message are you sending this person? That you will never truly work together and you are willing to kick her when she is down (like after major abdominal surgery!)

So I am compiling all questionable exchanges before the major incident as well. I also am looking for a new job, but have to stay there in the meantime.

Thanks for all your support, I appreciate the insights..

The latest move on her part was to tell me that I was working on six overlapping, as yet undefined projects, with no start or end times and she wanted a weekly meeting as to my progress on tasks (as yet completely undefined). I guess I feel that she is trying to now "throw the kitchen sink at me", hoping I will fail..

Well, little does she realize that after you face the surgery that I (and all of us) faced, her drama is nowhere close to as daunting as going through that uncertainty and drama.

It is just harder now because I am not as strong emotionally, but I am working on it..

Will keep this situation updated and am interested in your comments!!

So I wanted to vent a bit more about this...

As it turns out, when she threw the kitchen sink at me. I organized each little project into separate Excel worksheets in one big worksheet and spent some time gathering information, then the situation seemed way less daunting to me.

She told me two weeks ago that I had one week to do a monthly report of all statuses plus Help Desk ticket groupings I had worked on. I did so and received no response on the Friday I sent it. The next Wednesday, she went through a print out of my version of the report and asked me the status (on what I had just written on the Friday before)

As you guys know, there is not necessarily that much movement day to day on projects, so there was not more to report, which frustrated her when I seemed organized about it and not overwhelmed.

Then she accused me of not following up on a user account issue "I sent you an email", I replied that I did not get this email, from 03/08/2010, the meeting was 03/17/2010.

So I dug through my emails, there was a simple forwarding of an email from a user, with no explanation but she told the user to submit a Help Desk Ticket. The user never did, but she told me that I should "have followed up anyway".

There was literally no text from ANYONE in this email as to what the problem was...

So I still feel that she is trying to take advantage of my weakened state to get rid of me. I feel that the earlier write-up for my taking a class in the software I support was just going through "the documentation steps" to let me go.

This is a non-profit, they sometimes say the funding was cut, so they write people out of jobs, literally.

I am applying for other jobs, I have already gotten one interview since I last posted and I am going to keep trying.

But honestly, I am very stressed out and discouraged by this treatment, especially since I am not well yet, just being 12 weeks out from my surgery!!

I will try to document everything I can, but I do think she is pressuring me out! It is all I can do to keep calm at work and not get triggered into saying something I will regret, but I have to remember that she wants a fight!!

An update on this situation..

She told me to go to a Training and a GoLive for the software I am supporting, in writing on 03/05/2010 and in person 03/17/2010.

The next week, on that Tuesday, I went to the Training and GoLive. She was at the Training, but did not speak to me. I then stayed for two more days, writing a training document and supporting the new users.

On that Friday, she pulled me into the office and suspended me for going to the Training and GoLive that she specifically told me to go to.

I then wrote a rebuttal and sent it to her boss. She was hauled in twice by her boss, but unfortunately, my request for a different boss and a reinstatement was denied.

So I am looking for work, I have to get out of there. She has basically continued the behavior she displayed towards me before my surgery.

She is a bully, I detailed all the reasons, but it did not matter.

I am very lucky to have a supportive DH and my health is slowly returning. I am still tired at the end of the day, sometimes taking a nap before dinner or in the afternoon on the weekends.

I am frustrated in that I went through a huge ordeal with the surgery and the recovery and I would never treat someone the way I was treated.

I am sorry you are going through all of this.

As a 20 year veteran of human resources, I suggest you go to your human resources department.

All of the suggestions were great, especially asking for your physician to put you on half days. It will give you a change to get your strength built up, as well as to look for other job opportunities.

What a terrible manager you are stuck with!

My prayers are with you.

very well said ..........

Thank you very much...and unlike human resources consultants across the country, it was FREE

As far as the "go to HR", I did this first and again after my rebuttal and they said they had no recourse to step in with this situations...

So the end result of all of this is that I had to quit my job! I went to my bosses' boss and asked for a divorce from my boss, she denied it. In fact, what I had heard about the Big Boss was that she was also a micromanager and that she was "friends with your boss".

So I quit after all my "Problem Resolution" steps were met. HR said they could not assign my a new boss.

The Director of HR did request an exit interview and I gave him an earful. I was careful not to get too Ranty or just plain negative.

Instead, I elaborated on the bullying behavior she exhibits and that she herself had come and gone from this organization 3 times, most of the time leaving under a cloud (other managers standing up to her) and that I could not stay as it was impacting my health.

I did ask him several direct questions about consequences for her upon my leaving. He assured me that they would be having some hard discussions on management of this particular division and followup will be done.

I am glad to have gone, I now am looking for work and am able to spend some quality time healing, rather than stressing out!!