I can't believe it's finally over. The surgery I mean. After all the ups and downs. The what ifs. I did it. And now... here are a few things I've learned since Monday the 13th.(my surgery date):
(Proving that Absolutely everything is a learning experience.)
1.You do not get thin by removing a 10lb uterous. Instead you end up looking 9 months pregnant. Darn it anyway. (There goes that weight loss plan).
2.Morphine makes you stupid and gives your family endless opportunities to make fun of you.
3. You can get gas in other places besides your intestines and stomach. For instance: Behind the rib cage. And if my toe could fart. It would.
4.You can and will get constipated on a 'jello only diet'.
5.It can and will hurt to poop jello. (Who knew)
6.It can and will feel good when you finally let loose of the first Post-Surgery Fart. (I will never complain about my husbands gas again.)
7.If I ever do decide to participate in the joining of theflesh again... and right now that is a huge if... I just may very well be able to establish myself as a virgin. (Things are feeling just a little snug down there).
If I could bet... I'd bet DH passed Dr. B $100.00 to put in a few extra stitches. Men.
8.Narcotics will make you constipated (just another reason to avoid being addicted to pain killers... hellooo... ).
9. Surgery and mega doses of pain killers does not stop your 12 year old from asking you to help with her geometry. Kids apparantly can not notice that you are laying on the couch trying desperately to fart while your eyes are rolling back in your head. Helloooooo. Geometry... Who cares. Right now I am not thinking about your grades or your future college career. My main purpose in life right now is to find a way to Fart that won't cause pain. Hello People. Back away from the couch.
10. Rachael Ray is stupid and the only reason she is on the back of all the Nabisco boxes is so that when some Narcotic filled Surgery patient can't take any more of "101 Ways to Cook a Turkey by Racheal Ray", and goes balistic and kidnaps her, beats her, and throws her in the Pacific Ocean... they won't have to waste their time with a milk carton. (ok... seriously... I'm just watching way to much daytime TV... just had a moment there... Rachael isn't a bad woman... I just can't believe you can cook a turkey so many ways... sorry Rachael... really... I do like your show... just a little 'pinched up' here.)
11. Judge Judy is not a nice lady. I mean that woman has a real mean streak.
12.It is hard to read a book. Talk on the phone. Or do anything meaningful when on Percoset. And don't bake. It's bound to fail. And especially do not try anything you have seen on the Martha Stewart show. Its not real. She is a figmant of someone's imagination. Nothing she does is do-able... well especially post-surgery.
13. It's all going to be worth it. I feel better 5 days after the surgery than I've felt for a long time. (Excpet for the Gas)... But I feel Hopeful. Looking forward to a life that is not orchestrated around my bleeding and cramping.
14. Hystersisters.com has been a constant support and help through it all. I may not post a lot. But I read a lot. First thing I did when I realized that if my DH tied a rope around my ankles he could very well float me around the ceiling, was get on this web site and find out if Painful Gas was normal. And what everyone else did about it.
Thanks to all of you who post!