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Surgery Scheduled Fear is Raging
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10-26-2001, 02:56 PM
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Guest
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Posts: 321
Hysterectomy: October 30th, 2001
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Surgery Scheduled Fear is Raging
For the first time in my life, I feel like I'm completely out of control. The fear that is coarsing through my veins is like ice water on hot iron skillet. It is too much to bear.
I posted before that my surgery was scheduled for this last tuesday, but cancelled in Pre Op from beginning pneumonia in my lungs.
The fear of that the Ca125 elevated test result has on me is so strong it is almost too much to bear. The worry is all I can think about.
I feel pretty good I keep telling myself. Yeah I have heavy periods, and I know the cysts showed up in the sonogram and cat scans - but I feel good today. I have an enlarged uterus which one doctor told me he thinks is due to adenomyosis and three c-sections.
I just want to be okay. I just want to not have cancer. I just want to get on with my life before all of this started.
The waiting and the fear is so terrible.robins
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10-26-2001, 03:08 PM
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HysterSister
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Posts: 629
Hysterectomy: November 12th, 2001
Surgery Type: TAH
Ovaries: Removed both
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SCARED
ROBIN,
I DO HAVE ENDO CANCER STAFE 1, BUT, THE DR. TOLD ME IT'S CURABLE AND I ALSO WANTED TO SAY THAT I AM TERRIFIED OF THE SURGERY. I'VE NEVER HAD AN OPER. BEFOR EBUT I KNOW THIS HAS TO BE DONE AND SO DO YOU.
IF YOU DON'T HAVE THIS DONE YOU WILL NEVER KNOW ANYTHING. YOU WILL ALSO CONTINUE TO BE SCARED TO DEATH. NOT KNOWING IS WORSE THAN ANYTHING. YOU AND I AND ALL THE OTHER LADIES ON THIS SITE WILL BE FINE!! THINK POSITVE!!
THEY ALL TELL ME THAT I MUST THINK POSITIVE. THINK OF HOW GREAT YOU'LL FEEL AGAIN AND NO MORE BEING SCARED. IT WILL BE OVER BEFORE WE KNOW IT. I'M JUST AS SCARED IF NOT MORE , SO IF WE CAN AGREE TO HELP ECH OTHER THAN WE WILL BE O.K.
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10-26-2001, 03:26 PM
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Guest
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Posts: 807
Hysterectomy: October 1st, 2001
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Surgery Scheduled Fear is Raging
Dear Robin,
The fear I felt before my hyster was very controlling! I couldn't do anything....not even laundry I was frozen to my chair many times! Literally!
I never knew fear could be so enveloping due to something as safe as surgery! Yes I said safe. It is much safer these days then it ever used to be.
I asked my dr for something to help me through it. He gave me a small dose of valium. It worked for awhile. But worked even more for me, was truley knowing that this whole thing was not in my control.....it was God's to deal with ....not mine.
I don't know what happened the day of the surgery. Something just made me totally calm. I believe it was God and His angels. I had asked them for help....so had numerous others from my family and this board. And now it is your turn. Lots of prayers are going your way!
It is going to be ok. It isn't near as bad as our imagination leads us to believe it is! And it is all normal to fear the unknown. My dr walked into the OR and held my hand and said he was going to do everything in his power to give me a smooth hyster and recovery...I asked him if he believed in God...somehow I had to know! He said ...why yes....Then I knew it would be ok!
Here I am 4 weeks later....still alive with the precancerous cells out of me. And feeling grateful and happy for you that you have the chance to have such a feeling of relief once this is over.
You won't beleive the feeling! It is so peaceful to know that it is all gone. And I didn't know I had precancerous cells all over until after!
God Bless you Hon. It is going to be ok.
Love Peanut
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10-26-2001, 06:30 PM
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HysterSister
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Posts: 3,099
Hysterectomy: March 5th, 2001
Surgery Type: TAH
Ovaries: Removed both
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Surgery Scheduled Fear is Raging
{{{{ROBIN}}}}}
I wish I could give you a huge hug. What you are feeling is normal...it's not you, it's all part of this terrible waiting. Having gotten right up to the date and getting cancelled is just awful!
Please know that we are all here for you, 24/7, and you will get through it. You are not alone. You will be ok...you'll get through it, no matter what!
Please consider talking to your doctor about something to help you deal with the anxiety of waiting. I took 1/2 a Xanax twice a day for the last two weeks (I never take ANYTHING). It didn't alter me...it just knocked down the anxiety level to a more manageable level. It might help you...you don't have to suffer without some relief.
Courage is not the lack of fear...it's the facing of fear. You can do this...we'll be with you every step of the way. Keep reading, keep posting, come to Chat...we're here for you!!
Karen
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10-26-2001, 07:35 PM
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Guest
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Posts: 1,925
Hysterectomy: August 20th, 2001
Surgery Type: TVH
Ovaries: Kept 1 or both
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Surgery Scheduled Fear is Raging
Robin, there is nothing I can add to what the good ladies have said. I just wanted to jump in here and give you a and tell you that you will be in my thoughts and prayers!! Hang in there!!
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10-26-2001, 11:15 PM
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Guest
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Posts: 4,896
Hysterectomy: November 8th, 2000
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{{{Robin}}}
I know that fear, Robin. I knew for a month before surgery that I had cancer. I cried myself to sleep every night. A month is a long time to wait when you are so afraid and just want it over with.
I imagined somehow that waiting was doing me harm, but actually GYN cancers for the most part are very slow growing. My path report also showed adeno and cysts everywhere, but none of this had appeared on any pre testing.
CA125 tests are actually not very accurate at all. The cancer forum had several threads going about this test and many Dr.s do not find it reliable. I have a friend who had it for detection of breast cancer because her mom died of breast cancer. Her test came back at 212, very high, yet she did not have breast cancer. Her sisters`s test came back at 11 and her sister did have breast cancer that was found in a mammagram 2 weeks later. It is just another diagnostic tool, but not the final word. Please try not to be alarmed by the results. It could be your cysts giving a high marker or it could be nothing at all. It`s just not reliable.
In the meantime, busy yourself with getting your 'nest' ready for your return home. I made alot of soups and foods and froze them. DH and I care for my mom in our home {stroke} and she needed to eat while I was in the castle so I made lots of easy pop in the microwave things, and meals for when I got home so I could just sit and give instructions. I cleaned like I have never cleaned before. I tried to keep busy during the day.
It`s the night time when your head hits that pillow that was my undoing. It was the time of day that was quiet and I couldn`t push those fears out anymore. I made it all out to be much worse than it turned out to be. I was afraid of the pain...it was handled very well. I actually had worse periods, painwise. My cancer had not spread to the nodes, so surgery and an organ wash was all the treatment needed to cure me. I go for checkups every 3 months, but so far so good.
If you can, get a massage. It is well worth the money and relaxes you so much. And a pedicure. It will be a long time before you can reach those toes again. Pamper yourself.
And if you need to cry to release the tension, then by all means cry. I think crying {and I am not a cryer normally} helped me to cope better before surgery. This is major surgery and a scarey time in your life. Crying at night released the tension of being strong all day long. It actually helped to cleanse my emotions so I could face the next day.
And know we will all be praying for you, Robin.
{{{{{{{{{{{{healing hugs}}}}}}}}}}}
kaatie
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10-27-2001, 02:09 AM
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Guest
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Posts: 74
Hysterectomy: July 2nd, 2001
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Surgery and scared!!!
Hi Robin!! Kaatie said it all and could'nt have said it better. This feeling is all so normal, but the key is to keeping busy getting prepared for coming home. Try real hard to think positive becaused this really is a positive surgery. Myself, I remember thinking, "How many women have I heard about that did'nt make it home from the castle?" My answer to myself, was "none". Also, really, for the most part, the women on here were all so happy they had the surgery. The most common phrase I heard on here was that the waiting was the worst part. Well, I found that out to be the utmost truth after my surgery. So, please, try to stay positive and busy, it really is'nt bad at all and for any pain, the meds take care of that. The surgery, you wake up and it's over. It is just a big relief and you will then be on here telling others that the wait was the worst. So take a deep breath and get really busy. You will truly make it through this and feel so, so much better.
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10-27-2001, 09:37 AM
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Guest
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Posts: 321
Hysterectomy: October 30th, 2001
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thank you
Thank you all for the posts of support.
All of your comments really mean alot to me. I know that whether I worry or not, things will not be different, so that worrying time is wasted. I am trying my best not to worry.
As far as the CA125 test- my doctors didn't tell me what my number was, just that it was elevated. One doctor did say that it was higher than he usually sees with a false positive, but not as high as with full blown ovarian cancer. He said he thinks I am so lucky that we caught it.
That should be reassuring, but then the waiting is hard because I think it is time wasted. Yet I am sick with pneumonia, so I have no choice but to wait.
The antibiotics have been working and I am not running a fever anymore. They said as long as my lungs were clear of pneumonia fluid the surgery would happen on Tuesday. I will receive medicine to control my cough.
Once again thank you all so much for your words of encouragment and support. I need it so much.
RobinS
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