12 yo wants to be there for me

Looking for advice. I have two children - 15 and 12 1/2. My youngest wants to be there for surgery and stay with me. She's my worrier but also my prayer warrior. As mature as she really is - I am not sure I want her to be there if something would happen to go wrong.

Any ideas? I don't have anyone else staying with me that day so I think it will be a comfort that she will be there when I wake up. I know I'll sleep most of the day though..

Help?

Hello iilaad,
I'm not a mom, but I do remember being 12 going on 30. If she wants to be there for you, it may be harder for her to stay home. I understand what you're saying about possible complications, and they do happen. Could you talk with her about what is most likely to happen, and if there are complications, that can make surgery take longer, but that you'll still be OK. Also, may I suggest talking with your doctor about the most likely things that could go wrong? Our surgeries are all unique and some of us had more complex issues to resolve than others.

Do you have a close friend or family member that could stay with her while waiting at the hospital? I wouldn't want a minor unaccompanied in the hospital for the 3+ hours that she can't be with you.

I hope other mom's reply here who know tweens better than I do.

IMO you should include your older children as much as possible. My youngest is 16 and she insisted on being there the day of the surgery. I would never dream of telling her no. She is also my worrier
As far as her staying with you, I think she would be ok. Like you said, you will most likely be out of it most of the day, if it comforts you both, then I would do it.

Hello,
I have a 12 1/2 yo daughter as well. If she had wanted to be there I would have let her. BUT... Please let your daughter know that you will most likely (I did), sleep the whole day. She will get very bored if she doesn't have plenty to do. And if no one else is going to be there with her, do you want her walking around the hosipital by herself? Maybe I baby mine daughter too much, but I wouldn't want her being there by herself. Instead you might sign her up to be able to call and get your status so she can spread the news and be a big help that way. I know you will make the right decision for you and your daughter, trust your gut/heart and God. :-)

Rachelle

I don't know what to say about that. I only have a 18 year old boy and he was more interested in his Dad leaving him the truck to go to work and school in the evening!

But may I suggest that you call the hospital to make sure there is not some policy against your daughter being there (either alone or with someone). It used to be that some hospitals didn't allow children under the age of 13 to even visit people in the hospital.

That is great that she's a prayer warrior - at that young an age. Maybe have somebody from your church with her in the hospital chapel while you're in surgery? Let her school know that she'll be out, and prepare her that you'll be out of it because of the drugs (so she doesn't get scared when you're not "you")

	Quote:
Originally Posted by miamiu_grad That is great that she's a prayer warrior - at that young an age. Maybe have somebody from your church with her in the hospital chapel while you're in surgery? Let her school know that she'll be out, and prepare her that you'll be out of it because of the drugs (so she doesn't get scared when you're not "you")

I really think this is a great idea. Then, she has an adult with her and can be there for her own peace of mind. And, I know for me that when they wheeled me out of recovery, the first person I saw was my DS. I called out to him and he and my DD rode up to the room with me. It meant the world to me to have the kids whom I know loved me with me at that moment. I was feeling very vulnerable and it was a blessing that they were there. Now, my "kids" are 21 and 25, so there is a world of difference. My DD stayed with me until 8 or 9 p.m. and then my DH stayed all night.
Sounds like your DD will be an immense help physically and emotionally once you get home. My DS was home from univ. on holiday break and he was my rock through the day hours.
Be blessed.

I too have a 12 1/2 yo DD and a 15 yr DD both want to be there too ! My 12 1/2 yr gets bored easy but I think her wanting to be were mom is is very important to her . So both of them will be there with me and my HD .

If nothing else she will feel closer to you sharing this with her .

Great ideas! thank you everyone! I didn't think about getting someone from church to maybe come by and at least check up on her while I am sleeping. And I didn't even think about contacting the hospital considering her age. She's as tall as I am!! So no one would think she's 12 and under lol

I feel better - and I know that I really will want her with me. Thanks!

I am taking my 15y/o daughter, she put it frankly to me "either you take me or I will find a way there" and honey she means it. My mother died of breast cancer 2 years ago and my daughter is terrifed. She even wants to go to the Pr-op with me! She will be my "maid" after the surgery, just last night she went off on her brothers ages 14 and 16. "mom will be in bed and you can bet she won't be helping you do your laundry, you need to get a life and do your own, mama's boy"! DH and I lost it, i think we laughed until we cried. She is the one that if I am in pain would have no problem telling a nurse, Um hello my mom is in pain and its your job to see she isn't, LMAO . But she can be sugary sweet to, she knows how to get her way, lol. I would take your daughter but that is just my opion.