Hysterectomy 3 days ago. How can I get my husband to understand that I shouldn't be doing everything I am

Hi, I'm new here just joined last night and was wondering if anyone has any advice to get my husband to understand that this is a major surgery, he thinks that because it was the robot one it's not bad as my previous c sections. He has a crappy job since getting out of the air force that he has no choice but to go to or we can't afford our bills so he's left me home alone with our 3 year old and 14 month old, the baby doesn't understand at all and has kicked my incisions several times and it hurts, I sat and cried most of the day yesterday just from being weak and tired, we have no family or friends here that can help. I'm sure I'm over doing it too soon, I felt pulling yesterday, how can I get my husband to understand that I shouldn't be doing everything I am, he seems to think it'll be fine. I'm sure this is probably just rambling on about nothing really but I'm sore and tired and just want to sleep and can't. Please tell me that this will get easier.

You can find videos of the surgery on-line. Have your husband watch one.

Can you put a pillow or quilt over your belly when you're holding the baby?

You have to put something over your belly to protect it so you don't end up pulling all of your stitches or staples (not sure which you have). Call the hospital and ask for the social worker. Explain what your situation is to her and ask her for help. They usually have a list of places or agencies you can call for help with kids,etc to get some help so that you don't end up back in the hospital which sounds like a real possibility. If you lift too much too soon you can end up pulling your stitches and being in an emergency situation. Your husband has to understand this. Have him watch the videos. But call your hospital and ask for Social Worker. They should be able to help you with getting some free help and assistance for now. I know that when I had a car accident they were able to help me get someone for me since I live alone and had no one. I would bet that they can help you. You have to reach out for assistance. They should be able to help you and be able to do it pretty quickly because the last thing that they want to happen is for you to end up back in the hospital because of lack of help. That is what they are there for. Sending tons of hugs for you.

The other thing that occurs to me is: your husband may not know what to do about the situation. You already said that he had to return to work because he doesn't get any paid leave and you folks have bills. He may not see himself as having any options other than leaving you alone with the kids.

If you can get help from the hospital as Zenyatta described, he may be quite relieved to hear this.

My husband did the same thing and on week two left me home for the week with our 5yo. I wound up tearing a stitch as a result. I would highly recommend either the social worker or looking for someone to watch the kids or act as a mother's helper. Are there any older kids in your neighborhood who may want to start babysitting but aren't quite old enough yet? We sometimes pay our neighbor $5/hr to entertain our son so we can get stuff done around the house and it is win/win. Definitely protect your stomach too. I wound up letting my son have a lot more screen time than normal and don't really feel bad about it. Also Percocet will be your best friend. hang in there it gets better!

Also, maybe if he will check out the Mister Hystersisters thread he will understand better. Will he talk to your doctor?

(((hugs)))

	Quote:
Originally Posted by Nicole18753 Hi, I'm new here just joined last night and was wondering if anyone has any advice to get my husband to understand that this is a major surgery, he thinks that because it was the robot one it's not bad as my previous c sections. He has a crappy job since getting out of the air force that he has no choice but to go to or we can't afford our bills so he's left me home alone with our 3 year old and 14 month old, the baby doesn't understand at all and has kicked my incisions several times and it hurts, I sat and cried most of the day yesterday just from being weak and tired, we have no family or friends here that can help. I'm sure I'm over doing it too soon, I felt pulling yesterday, how can I get my husband to understand that I shouldn't be doing everything I am, he seems to think it'll be fine. I'm sure this is probably just rambling on about nothing really but I'm sore and tired and just want to sleep and can't. Please tell me that this will get easier.

So sorry you have to go through this! I can relate to your situation!! My gp stressed to me how I needed to get help with the kids any way I can. I told her I didn't know how I could get my husband to help and she said to remind him that overdoing it during recovery could cause me to prolapse and his sex life could be very negatively effected! Seriously though I understand!!! If you can't get help there with you can he make you a nest? Hem you into a living room, childproof it and set you up with snack foods for the day so you can park in front of the tv and toy box an just toss out snacks for the day? Can your 3yr old get a promotion and help get diapers for the baby? Remember you have to recover well to be a good mom and a few weeks of cerial bars and juice boxes with lots of tv won't cause any long term issues!!! Huge huge huge hugs to you!!!!!!

He premade some milk cups for the kids this morning and made them cereal bags, which the cereal is all over the floor now, and I'll probably be the one stuck cleaning it up, miss 3 year old has been good she's watching minecraft videos on iPad and leaving me alone it's baby brother. My husband put his carseat in front of a cupboard and he tipped it back and I tried to stop him from cracking his head on our tile floor and I felt something pull again. He said he found someone to watch the kids so hopefully he did. I keep telling him that if I keep it up I could end up back in the hospital and worse off and he's just brushing it off.I'll have him check out that website though and see if it'll help. Thanks for the help.

I just want to say I'm sorry for your situation, sometimes hubbies can be so dense! Also! Leave the cereal on the floor, the more you do, the more he will think you are ok to do it.

Praying for you!!!

Aloha Nicole,

By any chance you live in Hawaii? You could come to my house and we can let the kids wreck the place, because "it is what it is."

I love all the advice everyone has given you. I truly feel you know your husband best and know which avenue to take with him.

Various Routes to Help Him Understand
1. I need to heal well so we can have great sex, so I need you to make sure..... is done..
2. I need you to do the following before you leave for work.
3. Call your doctor a head of time explain what you need, tell the hubby he needs to drive you. Then have him come in the room to hear what the doctor says. Sometimes men need to hear it from an authority figure to understand it.

Now on the other hand. please be understanding of his situation. He has a crappy job after leaving the air force, he is concerned about the bills piling up, and he had to go to work. He is probably concerned but doesn't know how to express his emotions to you in a way that you find comforting.

As for the house, let it go... girl, everything in that house can be replaced but you and your kids. That is your only concern at this time. At like your going to the beach, prep your cooler with all your goodies for the day when you have strength and plop yourself down in front the TV for a movie marathon. I've watched so many episodes of Will and Grace that I think I want to be Karen 1/2 the time.

If the social worker can help you great! But, if not... call your local church and ask to speak with the pastor or outreach person or family ministry person. Explain your situation clearly and what it is you need (someone to care for kids for 2 hours, some meals prepared for your family, someone to do a quick clean up of the house).

Don't forget.. Tell your husband that you love him and need him and appreciate that he provides for your family. It's important for them to hear those words from you.

I know my outlook on your situation is strange, but sometimes strange is good. Please remember to take care of you. Don't lift anything out of your weight restriction, don't vacuum, don't have sex, and give your body the time to heal. Give your emotions a time to heal also.

Blessings,
Lawai Lady