Am I crazy to plan dinner out with friends less than a week after TAH??

I was just looking at the calendar --- your surgery is on a Monday. You will probably get home from the hospital Wednesday or Thursday. You sre having a total hysterectomy with an abdominal incision. And, you are considering dinner with friends on Saturday -- two days after discharge from the hospital.

Here are some things to consider:

Do you want to take a chance of getting a head cold or the flu and sneezing, coughing, and running fever with a fresh abdominal incision?
Do you want to take a chance that someone will jostle you or bump into you or spill hot food or coffee on you?
Do you want to take a chance that you will get jostled in the car and the seat belt will dig into your new incision?

Take it easy. Relax. Feet up. Let them bring you desert after the dinner. You will really enjoy seeing them, and it will be much less dangerous for you. And, you will be able to enjoy the rest of the holiday season!

Best wishes, Barbara

Boy, I have certainly been given alot to think about and after discussing it again with DH, I'm going to pass on dinner.
But I LOVE the idea of having everyone back here for dessert and a visit! I'm going to run it by them!
Today hasn't been a good one so far. Woke up crying and just feeling sad in general.
I've had so much support from my friends and family but the couple who have been our closest friends for over 20 years seem to be very insensitive to what I have been going thru.
We were at a friends birthday party last night and they barely asked about my surgery, just wished me luck and said I was going to be fine. Now, mind you, they know that I had alot of problems due to lupron and it caused me to be put on Serifin(prozac) and xanax about a month or so ago and I've received one phone call since that time to ask how I was feeling. I had to be taken off Serafin since I felt worse on it and I'm now on xanax day and night but they just don't seem to get it. But my friend, spoke to everyone about HER surgery that she had in March while I sat with my mouth shut and didn't want to talk about mine since the reason for being there was a celebration not a time to be talking to everyone about your problems. At least that's what I thought!
All of my other friends have been calling and offering help, even offers of cleaning my house and food shopping for me when I get out of the hospital but not them.
I guess you learn alot about people when something like this happens. The only other time that I've really needed someone to lean on was when my husband I and I were trying to have a baby, 20 years ago. It never happened for us and it was a very emotional time and they were not able to help us thru that either since they were having their children and could not understand what we were going thru.
I know this probably sounds very petty but I feel very hurt. They have been thru alot of difficulties in their life and I have always been the one they turn to but it doesn't seem to be reciprocated now.It's very upsetting because they have been like family and my DH and I are godparents to their daughter but I'm just finding this hard to grasp.
Sorry for going on for so long!
Thank you all for your opinions and support! I really appreciate it!

None of what you wrote sounds petty at all. When you have the strength perhaps you could tell your dear friends how you feel. I found that the worst thing that people said to me was the pat answer of, "You will be fine." It is hard during this time for those who haven't gone through this nor other types of traumas, and they truly don't know what to say nor do. It is true that some are better than others at being emotionally supportive -- surround yourself with people who YOU find to be supportive and seek comfort in them.

Keep us posted on how you do.

Blessings and peace,
Margie

Hi Goldie!here's a flower for you.

I am relieved that you have decided to forego the dinner. When you get home from the castle and Saturday rolls around, I think you will understand why we were so concerned for you.

Petty? No way. I had the same reaction from some folks; I thought they took it way too lightly and it did kinda hurt my feelings. They just don't understand. I didn't expect them to fall all over me with concern, but I didn't expect them to act like I was merely getting a tooth pulled, either. I know I also didn't understand until I went through it. And I also have a very good friend that tends to make everything 'all about her' when in a group setting. Isn't that funny?

As it turns out, this is ALL ABOUT YOU. You have your sisters here with you the whole way. We do understand.

I just read your post and can't thank you enough for your sensitivity! I know that this is definetely the place to come for emotional support right now!
It's funny that you mentioned talking to them after this is all over because I've already mentioned it a few months ago. I was having a bad day and said that I don't feel like they are there for me or realize what I've been going thru and I could use the emotional support and they agreed with me but nothing has changed. They said I have always been there for them and they apologized but as soon as I mention how I feel, the subject changes to their problems.
I think some people just don't have the capacity for support because they think what others are going thru is not as bad as what they are going thru.
So, I am with the people that support me and encourage me the most. And they have been truly wonderful, beginning with my DH and mom. My mom is actually on her way here today to be with us for pre op tomorrow and she will stay thru xmas or as long as I need her. I am very lucky to have them both with me as well as many other wonderful friends, including you and all of the ladies on this site!
Thanks again!

I really needed that! I'm much better at being the caregiver than having people worry about me but it is nice to know that you can count on certain people to be there when you need them.
And, boy, does this site have wonderful people that you can count on.
I was feeling so sad all morning and my DH tried desperately to help me but what I needed most was to talk to someone who truly knows what I'm going thru.
Thanks for your kindness! It is most appreciated!

There is absolutely no way that I would have gone to a dinner in less that 1 week from being discharged from the hospital.

Not only would I have not felt up to it but my doctor would have said No way.

Maybe your friends could stop over for a BRIEF visit? Key word is BRIEF. Just an idea. My friends were great about coming to see me but they did make short visits as I tired quickly.

Hi Goldie,
I see that you and I have the same day for the TAH. When I read your message, I said boy, she's trying to be SUPERWOMAN (Smile). Take it easy and learn to relax.

It's funny, I'm telling you that because I need to do the same thing. My pre-op is Tuesday. I have been crying this weekend and today also. I guess the closer you get to the date, it really hits you hard on what is about to happen. I, also, don't have any children and have had 2 miscarriages within 4 years.

It is a blessing to have a good and supporting DH, because I am truly bless to have him in my life. I also have great support from my family, especially from my brother. He sent me a sweet e-card, expressing he knows that this week will be a hard one for me. Plus we have this terrific website, so what more could we ask for.

Take care!

Goldie, Margie is right. I heard "you'll be fine" so many times I started to really worry. What are they not telling me? The truth is I was fine, although not as fine as some women. I also agree that you should be honest to your friends when you have the strength, but not blaming. Everyone gives what they can and unfortunately some times we are disappointed when our expectation are not met.
Think of the friends who are there for you and stay focused on them and yourself. I know it's hard to not feel let down. My sisters haven't even visited me, even though they called and checked in I was disappointed since they live within 2 hours. But the truth is, I am still blessed with friends who went out of their way and a DH who did more than I could ever have expected!

The women on this site do care and we are lucky to have each other. We KNOW what you are going thru so stay in touch.