Venting/Family

OK..time to vent! I got a call from my father this morning sho says he doesn't have time to talk now, but he needs to call me and talk to me about my plans for surgery. My father's very nosy, neurotic wife is an OB/GYN nurse practitioner. She has voiced to me that I am making a terrible decision in having a hyterectomy and has undoubted told my father that I am making a mistake. My mother has called me to tell me, in a most unsupportive fasion that I am making a mistake. I am so angry and wished I never told them. I am 45 years old...an intelligent individual...somewhere down the line I lost my need to have my parents teach me right from wrong and should have been able to depend on them for support and friendship. MY daughter, 4 years old has a very serious disease...primary immunodeficiency and is sick all the time...(I have also been judged for the way I am managing her care even though she is being treated by the only immunologist in Las Vegas). I was diagnosed with and enlarged uterus (the size of a 6 month pregnancy), adenomyosis, endometriosis, fibroids, ovarian cysts, and recto and cystoseals. I have no sex life because it is painful and makes me bleed, I have ended up in the ER this past month sure that my appendix had ruptured, I have to wear diapers when on my period, I have to push the poop out of my vagina with my fingers to get it to go to the right place, I pee every time I laugh, sneeze, cough, squat or have an orgasm, I have terrible abdominal pain etc...Just exactly when is it appropriate to have a hysterectomy in my case. Both my mother and my step mother have had hysterectomies for far less problems and I am furious. I never take care of my own health as my own daughters comes first. I have not even had a gyn exam for three years because I come last. My problems with my period and my cycle are effecting my life and I want it over so I can move on and take care of my family without interruption. I have had 4 opionions now...the on call OB/GYN at the hospital, my primary OB/GYN, the OB/GYN in colorado that birthed my first child...he went over my records and called me, and I spoke on the phnoe with a leading OB/GYN in PA yesterday who specializes in pelvic floor reconstruction and sexual dysfuntion in women. They all agree that I have no other option! Why can't I just get my family's support?

Sorry to vent! Anyone else have this problem?

WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SOUNDS LIKE YOU REALLY NEEDED TO VENT.......

Isn't it incredible that people (even those who loves us) think they know what is going on in our bodies and know what we should do about it. DRIVES ME CRAZY!!!! No one can understand having to push on yourself with your fingers just so you can have a bowel movement. Been there and still have to do that. And all the pain, blood, fatigue, and on and on and on. You know what is right for you. I am so sorry your family is not supporting you when you really do need it and you deserve their support. Perhaps your mother and your father's nosey wife mean well. A hysterecotomy is not easy (we all know that). Just know you are in charge of you and hopefully they will start to see this is what needs to be done for you.

Take care,
Donna

SORRY TO HERE THAT YOU ARE GETTING NO SUPPORT FROM FAMILY. MAKE YOUR CHOICE FOR YOURSELF, IT HAS TO BE WHATS BEST FOR YOU ! YOU ARE A GROWN WOMAN!

IF IT DOSEN'T SET WELL WITH THEM THEN SO BE IT.
YOU AND YOUR FAMILY COME FIRST.
THINK OF THIS AS MAKING YOURSELF TO BE IN A BETTER CONDITION TO TAKE OF YOUR DAUGHTER.

YOU SEE THAT THEY SURE MADE THE CHOICE THAT THEY WANTED FOR THEIRSELVES .AND PROBABLY DON'T ASK YOUR ADVICE ON OTHER ISSUES EITHER.

DO THIS FOR YOU AND NO ONE ELSE!

YOU ARE THE ONE THAT KNOWS THE SUFFERING YOU ENDURE FROM THIS!

Terri,

You must be a very strong woman to handle all your daughter's health issues and your own discomfort, too! Do your parents and father's wife know just how difficult the bleeding, celes and incontinence are for you? I know it may be difficult to lay it all on the table for them, but maybe your mom and your dad's wife had hysterectomies for fewer symptoms and in retrospect, feel they may have been better off without it. I don't think anyone would question that your quality of life is being changed dramatically by these symptoms.

In the end, the decision is between you and your doctors. Whatever you decide, I hope that you will be at peace with it so that you can get on with your life and enjoy it. Listen to your body and yourself. You are the one that has to live with your decision.

I will keep you in my prayers. Stay strong and think good things!

Maggiemay

Thanks for your support! I just sent my mother, father, and step mom a very graphic and detailed letter about the effect all this has on my life...being as graphic as possible relating to every phase of my gynocologic problems. If they don't get the message now, they never will. I also told them that their lack of support is very aggravating and that I consider myself to be heroic in the manner that I am dealing with the challenges in my family..l.I also reminded them that both my gynocologic and immune problems are genetic and familial and I refure to ever take the blame for that! UGH!! I want a loving, supportive, non-judgemental family! I e-mailed the rest of my family to tell them about the surgery just in case anything happens...I asked them not to respond with negative comments or judgement...something they are all good at...amybe that is genetic too!

Terri

Good for you!!

and Good luck!!

Terri,

Just remember that you a strong woman. You would have to be to take such good care of your daughter. And remember: what doesn't kill us, will make us stronger. I hope these are words of encourgament for all of us. Have faith, it will get us through.

Good luck with the surgery and family,
Donna

	Quote:
Originally posted by Terri too I asked them not to respond with negative comments or judgement...something they are all good at...amybe that is genetic too! Terri

Wow, sounds like my cousins, I say they're from my Mother's side of the family, I don't even claim them.

Hang in there sister - you sound like a VERY strong woman to be handling all the things you are...

When you're through this and feeling better than you have in a long time you can give them the Royal "I told you so" Smackdown with your princess wand!!!

In the meantime - although it's SUPER HARD to do - you can tell your folks that you appreciate their opinons but you've done your homework and you're going to do what's right and best for you. That being said, if they don't have anything positive or supportive to say, then they can keep their mouths shut!

And even if you don't think that you can tell them to back off, or give them the smackdown for real, you can always imagine doing it (which is sometimes even more fun!) and come here for hugs and cheering on!

I wish I could do more than send you a and comforting words, because I know you have alot going on.

I think many of the sisters here can relate to family members who are just a little too curious or who try to emmesh your life with theirs. I certainly can.

If you can (and I know this is going to be hard), try to distance yourself a bit from your family just now. When they call, and they start getting out of your comfort zone, just say, "I really appreciate this, but I really trust my medical team and this conversation is just upsetting me way too much right now." If they don't take the hint, give them the long, awkward pause, then start talking about the weather.

What I'm trying to say is, I would stop giving this so much of your energy. Focus on the positives. Right now, these relationships sound to me like they are spinning completely out of control, and you are spending valuable energy on anger, when you could be spending it on taking care of yourself. And right now, you need all of your energy to take care of you and that beautiful dd of yours!!

This is just a thought. Please understand you can come here to vent anytime -- that's what we're here for.

I'll be thinking about you!